exes and stuff
I think I still love my ex-boyfriend. Well reading that out loud sounded really odd. Maybe LOVE is not the right word to use. I think I am still in love with what we had…not particularly him. Does that make sense? Probably not. In the resent past he found me on Myspace. He did not want to be on my friend list or anything like that. He said he wanted to talk to me to have closure. At first I really hesitated. This was the guy who left me when I needed him most. Why would I give him that? Well I was still curious so I called him. We had a really long heart to heart talk and we both ended up crying over it. He apologized and he wished me well. We’ve had contact here and there since then (he usually emails me to call him, he does not have my #) we usually talk about the good old days and I end up feeling all sorts of things. First and foremost he still gets me. When I mean he gets me is that he understands how I feel, what I feel and why I feel it. We can have long ass conversations about nothing. Typing this even scares me more. I am afraid of my feelings. I got to say this, I love AJ. Having said that, I don’t think I am as happy as I could be. AJ is a wonderful guy. He is a good father and although he didn’t feel it at first I know he loves me now. I hate who I’ve been coming since I’ve been with him. I can’t blame him tough. I take responsibility for it. With AJ I’ve become so angry. I tend to be mean and snappy. I’ve let myself go (appearance wise and spiritually) I know I have to work that out on my own and I hope to do that day by day. My first step is simple. I will not be mean towards AJ unless he REALLY deservers it. I usually get upset over silly stuff like; dirty dishes that he leaves everywhere, his dirty clothes, his friends coming over too often…that’s just a few. If things like that upset me I need to talk to him about it instead of saying it with a mean and sarcastic comment. I want AJ to be proud of me. About my ex. I don’t plan to get back with him or anything. I just hate having that “what if” feeling.