Wow...its been forever!
OMG! Its been 8 forevers since I've even been to this site, yet alone updated! goodness...where to begin? First...I guess I should say...MYSPACE IS SO MUCH BETTER!...just wanted to throw that one out there! lol Anywhos...I guess I'll do some rambling and clear my head...
Okay...so of course I'm home sick, when am I not? I mean seriously I can't go a month with out having to go see the doc and getting random medicines for everything from Mono to sinus infections. And I'm not making it up...thats the part that sucks. lol FOr a while there I was like omg I'm just always THINKING I'm sick...but thinking I'm sick wouldn't dislocate vertebrae in my back...or cause my spleen to swell...so I guess its just that I have no immune system. My mom said that she use to be sick all the time...like thats suppose to make me be like "oh goody! so when I'm all old and shit I wont be as sick as I was when I could have had fun with my life...YAY" Gah...whatever! It just sucks cus bein sick always seems to come at just the right time. Like when I went up to C-town. I was feeling fine until the morning of the bus ride...and it was just all downhill from there. I still had a blast...but not as much fun as I could of had if I wasnt sick ya know? But I guess thats life. Nothing I can do about it obviously...moving on
So its been like 8 years since "he" and I were together...and I know I'm the one that broke it off between us...but it still hurts. Is this effing normal? I mean what the mess is wrong with me? My head has moved on...forgotten him...found someone new...but only half of my heart has followed in my head's footsteps (that is if my head left foot prints...lol w/e)...its like my heart is like "Alice...dont give up on him" but what the mess!! He's done nothing but hurt me...and I know what my friends and family say about him is right...but gah...my heart is effing stubborn as hell! lol Goin to C-town didn't really help either...I mean I had SUCH a good time up there. I love everything about that lil town...the people...the places...everything...which kinda hurt ya know? Cus I have so many memories from up there...memories that I LOVE...a new guy...whos AWESOME! but being with a new guy didn't stop the memories from replayin in my head. I dont wanna say I regret being with "him"...cus regrets are in vain...but I wish I could take that chunk of my life and just IDK put it in a jar on a shelf or something...where I could finally move on 100%...like he obviously has. Gah! I think the worst of all this is what happened when he was in Ohio...I mean...gah...so he's away from all his friends and I'm ALMOST over him. I was so excited because I could hear the phone ringing his ringtone and NOT answer...lol pathetic I know but hell it was a big step. Grant it...I always called him back later but comon...his grandfather was in the hospital...I couldn't be a total bitch...either way...we'd talk and I could be ADD and not feel bad...but then he did it...gah...I hate him for it...he missed me...or at least said so...but then who am I joking? u can't trust what a guy says..u gotta see it in their eyes before you can believe it...see it...feel it...hearing it doesn't cut it...so I fell...again..as he expected. Then back to washington he went...and I called...like he expected...and he was an ass...like he planned...all of which was totally unexpected to me until after it happened when I saw what had happened. How could someone do that to someone who they had "loved" so much? Had I done the same? to him? to anyone? Is this some great plan...not of his but of someone much bigger to get back at me for what I've done? The heartbreak he's caused...*sigh* u'd think my heart would catch on...damn thing must be broken. Either way...now I'm caught. Caught between my head and my heart...my head says for me to move on and dye my hair! lol (gotta mix things up a lil right?) but my heart doesn't want to give up...I just wish someone would let my heart know its a dumbf*ck! grrr....and I mean I really like this "new guy"...he's awesome...REALLY awesome. but I've got my doubts...not about him but about me. am I really ready for another guy to sweep me off my feet like before? cus he dropped me on my ass harder than ever...I guess for now I'm just gonna sit here and not know what to do...itd just be nice if my head and my heart agreed on something for a change. I mean people always say follow ur heart...but I know my heart is WRONG..so what do I do? does that mean that my heart will be wrong with other things? AHHH! enough of that stuff....
So...next year...my senior year. Goodness...I mean I still remember my 8th grade year like it was last year...and now I'm almost out of highschool. Its crazy man! I mean I still have NO IDEA where I wanna go...UAH looks good...but idk what I wanna major in...and then if I get there and decide they may not offer that as a major. I kinda wanna go FAR away like...idk effing Japan or some place like that...where NO ONE will know me...at all!! I mean I dont really know ne one at UAH...but its close to home. People in Japan wouldn't even know where Mobile was...which would rock. I could start ALL over...meet some random Japanese guy who speaks no english but is hott as anything...because he was born in err...idk Canada to English parents but moved to Japan before he learned english...and yeah...is rich and nice...yeah...thats what I want. lol Like that will ever happen! But it'd be crazy nice...for a while I guess. Then eventually one of us would learn the other one's language and find out the whole time we were cussing each other...*shakes her head* I guess Japan wouldn't work...but Germany...lol jk! Either way idk what I wanna do...I'd be perfectly happy being a stay at home mom...in a small town not far from a bigger city...with a yard full of kids...and a hubby that loves me for me...where I could just stay at home, cook, clean and care for the kids...but in today's world...that wouldn't happen...I'd get stuck with a yard full of kids, and no job. sigh...so I gotta figure something out...I just wish I had more time...not just to figure out what I wanna do after highschool...but for everything! More time to spend with my friends and family...because everyone isn't going to be her always...I guess I'll make that my new years resolution...to spend more time with my family and friends...to be a nicer, friendlier person...which I guess rules out the whole moving to a random country thing too...but it was still a nice thought. Theres some random away message a lot of people have...its like smile more and that kinda stuff...and I think its time I took that advice...a lot of people go through life in a hurry trying to be on time for random things that will benefit them in the long run...and they dont enjoy the now...I've definately been one of those people...and I'm tired of stressin over tomorrow...so I guess this year I'm gonna change that. I'm gonna try to live today without worrying...too much...about tomorrow. and of course...loss 10 pounds! lol but then again who's resolution doesn't include that one? lol So we've got...Spend more time with family and friends, be nicer and friendlier, smile more, live life a day at a time, and loss 10 pounds...thats a pretty good resolution if u ask me...and I'll try to keep my LJ updated...because OH so many people read this! lol jk Jenn is probly the only one who MIGHT read all of this...oh and when u do Jenn...did Emily G get into SBP? I forgot to ask u the other day...
*sigh of relief* I feel a bunch better now...thanks LJ! lol *oh so pathetic* either way...I'm off to go tackle some AP US History...and that type of stuff! YAY! *rolls eyes* I'll probly mess around with my camera too...I'm still tryin to figure out what each button does! lol I hope everyone has a great day! XOXO *allie*
Okay...so of course I'm home sick, when am I not? I mean seriously I can't go a month with out having to go see the doc and getting random medicines for everything from Mono to sinus infections. And I'm not making it up...thats the part that sucks. lol FOr a while there I was like omg I'm just always THINKING I'm sick...but thinking I'm sick wouldn't dislocate vertebrae in my back...or cause my spleen to swell...so I guess its just that I have no immune system. My mom said that she use to be sick all the time...like thats suppose to make me be like "oh goody! so when I'm all old and shit I wont be as sick as I was when I could have had fun with my life...YAY" Gah...whatever! It just sucks cus bein sick always seems to come at just the right time. Like when I went up to C-town. I was feeling fine until the morning of the bus ride...and it was just all downhill from there. I still had a blast...but not as much fun as I could of had if I wasnt sick ya know? But I guess thats life. Nothing I can do about it obviously...moving on
So its been like 8 years since "he" and I were together...and I know I'm the one that broke it off between us...but it still hurts. Is this effing normal? I mean what the mess is wrong with me? My head has moved on...forgotten him...found someone new...but only half of my heart has followed in my head's footsteps (that is if my head left foot prints...lol w/e)...its like my heart is like "Alice...dont give up on him" but what the mess!! He's done nothing but hurt me...and I know what my friends and family say about him is right...but gah...my heart is effing stubborn as hell! lol Goin to C-town didn't really help either...I mean I had SUCH a good time up there. I love everything about that lil town...the people...the places...everything...which kinda hurt ya know? Cus I have so many memories from up there...memories that I LOVE...a new guy...whos AWESOME! but being with a new guy didn't stop the memories from replayin in my head. I dont wanna say I regret being with "him"...cus regrets are in vain...but I wish I could take that chunk of my life and just IDK put it in a jar on a shelf or something...where I could finally move on 100%...like he obviously has. Gah! I think the worst of all this is what happened when he was in Ohio...I mean...gah...so he's away from all his friends and I'm ALMOST over him. I was so excited because I could hear the phone ringing his ringtone and NOT answer...lol pathetic I know but hell it was a big step. Grant it...I always called him back later but comon...his grandfather was in the hospital...I couldn't be a total bitch...either way...we'd talk and I could be ADD and not feel bad...but then he did it...gah...I hate him for it...he missed me...or at least said so...but then who am I joking? u can't trust what a guy says..u gotta see it in their eyes before you can believe it...see it...feel it...hearing it doesn't cut it...so I fell...again..as he expected. Then back to washington he went...and I called...like he expected...and he was an ass...like he planned...all of which was totally unexpected to me until after it happened when I saw what had happened. How could someone do that to someone who they had "loved" so much? Had I done the same? to him? to anyone? Is this some great plan...not of his but of someone much bigger to get back at me for what I've done? The heartbreak he's caused...*sigh* u'd think my heart would catch on...damn thing must be broken. Either way...now I'm caught. Caught between my head and my heart...my head says for me to move on and dye my hair! lol (gotta mix things up a lil right?) but my heart doesn't want to give up...I just wish someone would let my heart know its a dumbf*ck! grrr....and I mean I really like this "new guy"...he's awesome...REALLY awesome. but I've got my doubts...not about him but about me. am I really ready for another guy to sweep me off my feet like before? cus he dropped me on my ass harder than ever...I guess for now I'm just gonna sit here and not know what to do...itd just be nice if my head and my heart agreed on something for a change. I mean people always say follow ur heart...but I know my heart is WRONG..so what do I do? does that mean that my heart will be wrong with other things? AHHH! enough of that stuff....
So...next year...my senior year. Goodness...I mean I still remember my 8th grade year like it was last year...and now I'm almost out of highschool. Its crazy man! I mean I still have NO IDEA where I wanna go...UAH looks good...but idk what I wanna major in...and then if I get there and decide they may not offer that as a major. I kinda wanna go FAR away like...idk effing Japan or some place like that...where NO ONE will know me...at all!! I mean I dont really know ne one at UAH...but its close to home. People in Japan wouldn't even know where Mobile was...which would rock. I could start ALL over...meet some random Japanese guy who speaks no english but is hott as anything...because he was born in err...idk Canada to English parents but moved to Japan before he learned english...and yeah...is rich and nice...yeah...thats what I want. lol Like that will ever happen! But it'd be crazy nice...for a while I guess. Then eventually one of us would learn the other one's language and find out the whole time we were cussing each other...*shakes her head* I guess Japan wouldn't work...but Germany...lol jk! Either way idk what I wanna do...I'd be perfectly happy being a stay at home mom...in a small town not far from a bigger city...with a yard full of kids...and a hubby that loves me for me...where I could just stay at home, cook, clean and care for the kids...but in today's world...that wouldn't happen...I'd get stuck with a yard full of kids, and no job. sigh...so I gotta figure something out...I just wish I had more time...not just to figure out what I wanna do after highschool...but for everything! More time to spend with my friends and family...because everyone isn't going to be her always...I guess I'll make that my new years resolution...to spend more time with my family and friends...to be a nicer, friendlier person...which I guess rules out the whole moving to a random country thing too...but it was still a nice thought. Theres some random away message a lot of people have...its like smile more and that kinda stuff...and I think its time I took that advice...a lot of people go through life in a hurry trying to be on time for random things that will benefit them in the long run...and they dont enjoy the now...I've definately been one of those people...and I'm tired of stressin over tomorrow...so I guess this year I'm gonna change that. I'm gonna try to live today without worrying...too much...about tomorrow. and of course...loss 10 pounds! lol but then again who's resolution doesn't include that one? lol So we've got...Spend more time with family and friends, be nicer and friendlier, smile more, live life a day at a time, and loss 10 pounds...thats a pretty good resolution if u ask me...and I'll try to keep my LJ updated...because OH so many people read this! lol jk Jenn is probly the only one who MIGHT read all of this...oh and when u do Jenn...did Emily G get into SBP? I forgot to ask u the other day...
*sigh of relief* I feel a bunch better now...thanks LJ! lol *oh so pathetic* either way...I'm off to go tackle some AP US History...and that type of stuff! YAY! *rolls eyes* I'll probly mess around with my camera too...I'm still tryin to figure out what each button does! lol I hope everyone has a great day! XOXO *allie*