(no subject)
I think I like someone but I'm scared because I suck with these things. I'm good at fuckin stuff up but, on the other hand this has been going on for more than a year so how could I fuck something up if he's still there despite everything I've done? I've been horrible and at my worst and still he stays...so I don't know. Sometimes I can see myself with him for the rest of my life and a little (or big) family. But, there's college and there's distance. I guess ill have to wait until the time comes and see what happens. It scares me and I think about it a lot it makes me really sad. I don't know.
But maybe I might like someone else just a little. But I see nothing that will ever come of it, I'd say. I'd ruin his life probably because I'm psycho. He wouldn't be able to deal with me. Honestly, if I were him I wouldn't want to deal with me either. Gah whatever.
Maybe sometimes I wish I wasn't 30 in a 16 yr old body. Maybe sometimes I wish that I didn't fantasize about having a little family or standing at an altar. Maybe sometimes I wish I wasn't so emotional about things or thought about things until they make me upset. Maybemaybemaybe
Goodnight I guess
Phoenix suns lost tonight. Yes I did cry. They threw away the game. They need to win western conference and the whole championship THIS year. Gawd.
Also today we had black movie day. It was really fun. Michael made a mess as usual. But it was good havin those kids at my house. Cynthia, Muna and Torrey kill me. And baby smoothface...I just love him. Cynthia tells great stories. My friends are great.
But maybe I might like someone else just a little. But I see nothing that will ever come of it, I'd say. I'd ruin his life probably because I'm psycho. He wouldn't be able to deal with me. Honestly, if I were him I wouldn't want to deal with me either. Gah whatever.
Maybe sometimes I wish I wasn't 30 in a 16 yr old body. Maybe sometimes I wish that I didn't fantasize about having a little family or standing at an altar. Maybe sometimes I wish I wasn't so emotional about things or thought about things until they make me upset. Maybemaybemaybe
Goodnight I guess
Phoenix suns lost tonight. Yes I did cry. They threw away the game. They need to win western conference and the whole championship THIS year. Gawd.
Also today we had black movie day. It was really fun. Michael made a mess as usual. But it was good havin those kids at my house. Cynthia, Muna and Torrey kill me. And baby smoothface...I just love him. Cynthia tells great stories. My friends are great.