(no subject)
well I'm new at all this stuff and I don't know how&I am gonna like this journal thing, I have never told anyone hardly anything about my personal life or how I really ever felt.i dont think my life is that interesting either but anyways Im just sitting here and just have a lot of stuff on my mind. i really miss arizona and i dont know why i ever had to move back to california. i have changed soo much and i dont like the person who i have become. i have ruined a lot of relationships and i wish i could just go back to the way things were and do them differently. but you cant change the past and you cant change the consequences either i guess. there were two people that i really cared about and now they are all over! its not like it would have worked anyways cause i dont even live there anyway. someone once told me that everything happened for a reason. but i dont think thats true. i dont know why i cant just let things go i hold on to everything i hate it i wish i could just forget about it and thats what i hope i will do w/ this journal i mean just totally put my feelings out there and hopefully just start over again. i dont like to be all depressed or anything cause i dont think anyone likes to be around people who are negative all the time cause i know i dont at times.god why do guys have to be soo dumb u know what dont call me and tell me ur gonna go screw a bunch of girls and then make me feel bad for hooking up w/ someone okay cause it doesn't work that way hun. im so confuessed right now i feel like screaming!!! im sorry im just in a really bitchy mood right now and i dont wanna bitch to anyone else about it casuse i dont think its all that important and i dont wanna put my problems on anyone so i am just gonna write all of my feelings in here thats what a journal is for right? God i just feel like crying why does everything have to be soo difficult. Things right now aren't going good at all w/ my family w/ everything. i cant even look at myself in the mirror anymore. well thats all my bitching for now. hopefully i have something more positive to write about tomorrow. lol peace ya'll