avoidance
I can't decide if I feel like I'm wasting my summer or if it is just right. A little of both, probably, but that's not the point.
It's strange to be home, but not HOME. I love the feeling of having my own space. As much as I love my mother, I'm not sure how I survived living with her for 18 years. I guess I really didn't. (damnit, Terra, stop contradicting yourself). Anyway, because I'm so far away from the places that my life would normally take place, and I'm trying not to drive so much, I've been spending a lot of time sitting around reading pretty much whatever I can get my hands on. And sleeping when it's too hot. And playing with the dogs. It's been really nice and calming, but, god, I feel like such a recluse. I only have two months (well, I had two months) to see my friends and do the Albuquerque before I go off forever, and here I am lounging in my pajamas until all hours of the day by myself. And still, somehow, I am managing to fail at not driving a lot. I miss free bus rides.
I suppose that, instead of complaining, I really should just go out and do something about it, but all of my friends are at work and really far away from me. And I have until Sunday to finish the ridiculously long book I just started. Somehow, I think I can take the challenge given my life lately.
As usual, I set out to write more about the madness in my head than my physical life and failed, so here are some thoughts:
~~I avenged myself in my dream last night. I dont know if I got it out of my system or if there needs to be real confrontation. I really hope not.~~I have a horrible knack for overbooking myself through denial and underestimation of my friends.~~Of all places, my friend and I got kicked out of Ross last night because someone left a "suspicious case" outside of the store next-door. There were about a million cop cars and the bomb squad. I can't find it on the news.~~I knoe in my head that it's not worth it, but the butterflies in my stomach tell me otherwise. Why is it that the head and the...heart? no...something else...can never seem to get along.~~This house should have amazing views but really doesn't, which is disappointing.~~
Ok, that's enough for now. There are books to be read and dogs to be walked and things to be done.
It's strange to be home, but not HOME. I love the feeling of having my own space. As much as I love my mother, I'm not sure how I survived living with her for 18 years. I guess I really didn't. (damnit, Terra, stop contradicting yourself). Anyway, because I'm so far away from the places that my life would normally take place, and I'm trying not to drive so much, I've been spending a lot of time sitting around reading pretty much whatever I can get my hands on. And sleeping when it's too hot. And playing with the dogs. It's been really nice and calming, but, god, I feel like such a recluse. I only have two months (well, I had two months) to see my friends and do the Albuquerque before I go off forever, and here I am lounging in my pajamas until all hours of the day by myself. And still, somehow, I am managing to fail at not driving a lot. I miss free bus rides.
I suppose that, instead of complaining, I really should just go out and do something about it, but all of my friends are at work and really far away from me. And I have until Sunday to finish the ridiculously long book I just started. Somehow, I think I can take the challenge given my life lately.
As usual, I set out to write more about the madness in my head than my physical life and failed, so here are some thoughts:
~~I avenged myself in my dream last night. I dont know if I got it out of my system or if there needs to be real confrontation. I really hope not.~~I have a horrible knack for overbooking myself through denial and underestimation of my friends.~~Of all places, my friend and I got kicked out of Ross last night because someone left a "suspicious case" outside of the store next-door. There were about a million cop cars and the bomb squad. I can't find it on the news.~~I knoe in my head that it's not worth it, but the butterflies in my stomach tell me otherwise. Why is it that the head and the...heart? no...something else...can never seem to get along.~~This house should have amazing views but really doesn't, which is disappointing.~~
Ok, that's enough for now. There are books to be read and dogs to be walked and things to be done.