Hi i'm Megan and i have a personality disorder..
I had this condition since i was in 8th grade. At first i thought i was going insane, and now im releaved to know that it is an actual condition with an actual name. I want everyone to read this. I think more people have this disorder, but just dont report it. It's not really a popular disorder and a lot of doctors aren't really aware of it i think. It's called Depersonalization Disorder.
DEPERSONAIZATION DISORDER:
Strangers to Our Selves
When your world seems strange and you've lost your sense of self, you'll be hard pressed finding a name for your affliction. But there is one "Depersonalization Disorder", and it's nothing new.
It may happen when you first wake up, or while flying on an airplane or driving in your car. Suddenly, inexplicably, something changes. Common objects and familiar situations seem strange, foreign. Like you've just arrived on the planet, but don't know from where. It may pass quickly, or it may linger. You close your eyes and turn inward, but the very thoughts running through your head seem different. The act of thinking itself, the stream of invisible words running through the hollow chamber of your mind, seems strange and unreal. It's as if you have no self, no ego, no remnant of that inner strength which quietly and automatically enabled you to deal with the world around you, and the world inside you. It may settle over time, into a feeling of "nothingness", as if you were without emotions, dead. Or the fear of it may blossom into a full-blown panic attack. But when it hits for the first time, you're convinced that you're going insane, and wait in a cold sweat to see when and if you finally do go over the edge.
What you don't know at the moment is that this troubling experience is distinctly human, experienced briefly at some time or another by as much as 70 percent of the population. In its chronic form, popular culture once saw it as part of a nervous breakdown. Some have called it "Alice in Wonderland" disease. Jean Paul Sartre called it "the filth" , William James dubbed it "the sick soul". It's been linked philosophically to existentialism, even Buddhism. Yet to its victims, it's anything but an enlightened state of mind. Welcome to the world of Depersonalization Disorder.
The term itself has been around for a long time. A psychologist named Dugas coined it as a unique medical condition back in 1898. While the word "depersonalization" is often linked to "dehumanizing" situations such as prison life or brainwashing, chronic depersonalization is an insidious mental condition that can begin on its own. The individual's perceptions of the self and the self's place in the world somehow shifts into a mindset that is altered from the norm, becoming hellish for most.
Depersonalization, as a symptom, is what the majority of us experience at some time in our lives. It occurs briefly, and has no lasting effect. Depersonalization Disorder, however, is a chronic illness that can take a dreadful and long-lasting course.
According to DSM-IV, Depersonalization Disorder, in part, constitutes the following:
... a feeling of detachment or estrangement from one's self . The individual may feel like an automaton or as if he or she is living in a dream or a movie. There may be a sensation of being an outside observer of one's metal processes, one's body, or parts of one's body.
One key phrase in the disorder's DSM-IV definition is: reality testing remains intact, Janiger adds. While a degree of depersonalization may be present in other illnesses, like schizophrenia, this is not a psychotic condition. The person knows that something is terribly wrong, and grapples with trying to figure out what it is. If anything, it's the opposite of insanity. It's like being too sane. You become hypervigilant of your existence and things around you. Signs of depersonalization can occur with many illnesses, however isn't clear why the condition persists in some people. Chronically depersonalized persons (or D-People as they're often called) are usually highly intelligent, and prone to intellectual ruminating. Onset is most often seen at an early age, from around puberty to the late twenties.
In time, depersonalized people can make some accommodations to the condition, Janiger says. They know it won't kill them or make them insane. It isn't a progressive illness. It may constitute a subtle alteration of perception. It's more like adjusting to a pair of glasses that makes everything appear upside down. Eventually one may find ways of adapting.
Accordingly, people with DP disorder become masters at maintaining a front, appearing quite normal to friends, family and co-workers. The sense of being an automaton as described in DSM-IV is consistent with going through the familiar routines of a lifetime. You do what you're expected to, and say what others expect you too, all the while feeling as if you're acting out of habit, says John, a 32-year-old filmmaker who has had the condition for six years. Your mind is always a million miles away. All natural spontaneity and joy of living is gone. You know something's wrong, and you're constantly battling with what it might be, and evaluating how you feel.
This disease fascinates me. I dont know if its only because i have it, or because there's no logical explanation for it. Further research is being done on it, but i wish we knew more about it and why it happens. If anyone is interested in this, or feels that they may have it, feel free to talk to me about it because its nice to know that im not the only one with this condition.
DEPERSONAIZATION DISORDER:
Strangers to Our Selves
When your world seems strange and you've lost your sense of self, you'll be hard pressed finding a name for your affliction. But there is one "Depersonalization Disorder", and it's nothing new.
It may happen when you first wake up, or while flying on an airplane or driving in your car. Suddenly, inexplicably, something changes. Common objects and familiar situations seem strange, foreign. Like you've just arrived on the planet, but don't know from where. It may pass quickly, or it may linger. You close your eyes and turn inward, but the very thoughts running through your head seem different. The act of thinking itself, the stream of invisible words running through the hollow chamber of your mind, seems strange and unreal. It's as if you have no self, no ego, no remnant of that inner strength which quietly and automatically enabled you to deal with the world around you, and the world inside you. It may settle over time, into a feeling of "nothingness", as if you were without emotions, dead. Or the fear of it may blossom into a full-blown panic attack. But when it hits for the first time, you're convinced that you're going insane, and wait in a cold sweat to see when and if you finally do go over the edge.
What you don't know at the moment is that this troubling experience is distinctly human, experienced briefly at some time or another by as much as 70 percent of the population. In its chronic form, popular culture once saw it as part of a nervous breakdown. Some have called it "Alice in Wonderland" disease. Jean Paul Sartre called it "the filth" , William James dubbed it "the sick soul". It's been linked philosophically to existentialism, even Buddhism. Yet to its victims, it's anything but an enlightened state of mind. Welcome to the world of Depersonalization Disorder.
The term itself has been around for a long time. A psychologist named Dugas coined it as a unique medical condition back in 1898. While the word "depersonalization" is often linked to "dehumanizing" situations such as prison life or brainwashing, chronic depersonalization is an insidious mental condition that can begin on its own. The individual's perceptions of the self and the self's place in the world somehow shifts into a mindset that is altered from the norm, becoming hellish for most.
Depersonalization, as a symptom, is what the majority of us experience at some time in our lives. It occurs briefly, and has no lasting effect. Depersonalization Disorder, however, is a chronic illness that can take a dreadful and long-lasting course.
According to DSM-IV, Depersonalization Disorder, in part, constitutes the following:
... a feeling of detachment or estrangement from one's self . The individual may feel like an automaton or as if he or she is living in a dream or a movie. There may be a sensation of being an outside observer of one's metal processes, one's body, or parts of one's body.
One key phrase in the disorder's DSM-IV definition is: reality testing remains intact, Janiger adds. While a degree of depersonalization may be present in other illnesses, like schizophrenia, this is not a psychotic condition. The person knows that something is terribly wrong, and grapples with trying to figure out what it is. If anything, it's the opposite of insanity. It's like being too sane. You become hypervigilant of your existence and things around you. Signs of depersonalization can occur with many illnesses, however isn't clear why the condition persists in some people. Chronically depersonalized persons (or D-People as they're often called) are usually highly intelligent, and prone to intellectual ruminating. Onset is most often seen at an early age, from around puberty to the late twenties.
In time, depersonalized people can make some accommodations to the condition, Janiger says. They know it won't kill them or make them insane. It isn't a progressive illness. It may constitute a subtle alteration of perception. It's more like adjusting to a pair of glasses that makes everything appear upside down. Eventually one may find ways of adapting.
Accordingly, people with DP disorder become masters at maintaining a front, appearing quite normal to friends, family and co-workers. The sense of being an automaton as described in DSM-IV is consistent with going through the familiar routines of a lifetime. You do what you're expected to, and say what others expect you too, all the while feeling as if you're acting out of habit, says John, a 32-year-old filmmaker who has had the condition for six years. Your mind is always a million miles away. All natural spontaneity and joy of living is gone. You know something's wrong, and you're constantly battling with what it might be, and evaluating how you feel.
This disease fascinates me. I dont know if its only because i have it, or because there's no logical explanation for it. Further research is being done on it, but i wish we knew more about it and why it happens. If anyone is interested in this, or feels that they may have it, feel free to talk to me about it because its nice to know that im not the only one with this condition.