" could never have you, i knew that before you did, im the one whos stuid, and theres this burning"
i miss the old isaac so much. the past 2 days ive been thinking about him alot. i feel weird knowing that after august ill probobally never see him again. i still have feelings for him...i allways will. hes changed alot though. and it hurts, really. i was listening to this song, motorcycle drive by- by third eye blind. and it allways reminds me of him. polly cause he sang it once, and all that good crap. but yeah, i wanted to burst into tears. he was a big part of my life for a long time. and to think of having to let go of him forever, hurts, really hurts. i wont have to let go of him forever, but he is going to san antonio, and itll be harder to see him. i already lost him to another girl, his personality has totally changed i feel. Simon seems to allways comfort me on this issue, and really i shouldnt talk about isaac with simon, but still. sometimes i have to. i really felt that one day there might be something there. but the whole time i was really just kidding myself, i dont know what the heck i was thinking. GAWSH its almost goneee! only 2 months. then POOF gone! i dont want it to be like this, maybe i should tell him everything, right before he leaves. how pathetic though. thats what allways happens in movies and everything, they spill out their heart right at the last minute when it wont matter anymore. She isnt right for him, and everytime that i saw them together it hurt so bad. At military ball it was easy to see it because i had simon on my arm, but everytime i caught him lookin at me i wanted to cry. i know i can have these same feelings for someone else, maybe. i know the possibilities are really high to have feelings like this for simon, but it wont work with him either. there wont be anytime for me when school starts back up for him. he barely has anytime now with all his work and all. and i feel selfish when i ask him for a day or some time or something. because its his only time. I spent so long trying to prove that "i really loved isaac" and now...did i? really people thought that it was just an infatuation, i guess maybe it was, but i know that even when hes gone im still gonna have feelings for him. so i dont know what to think really, i wasnt " in love" with him or all that crap, cause to be inlove i think it has to be mutual, and it wasnt. im still gonna think about him alot, i still do. but how rude of me to be thinking about someone elses Boy friend like this. but he was still my best friend before he because her boyfriend so i guess it makes more scence. oh well im rambleing, and i dont care if this is to long, so fuck off.