(no subject)
Trees, blowin in the sumer breeze, showin off their silver leaves as we walk by. ;) Today is pretty. Yesterday was pretty too. I tried to tan but the clouds kept getting in my way. And now I have the question of: how do I tan those parts that never see the sun? Someone suggested tanning in the nude but my neighbors might like that too much. I guess I could go on my roof. It does have a three foot wall bordering it. Wow that'd be so funny. I'd feel so wierd. ANYWAYS........;)
I want a quilt. Yes a pretty quilt.
Well I'm in a better mood so far today. I don't know why though, I shouldn't be.
Yesterday was poey, as you can tell from my recent journal. I got 65% on my history test and totally forgot to do my homework, I have a 68.9% in my english class, but I didn't have to take my Spanish test, thank God, literally though, and I do think that I did rather well on my Physics test.
I think people tend to want what they know they can't have. Then if they do actually end up getting it, they get bored quickly with it and the fun of the pursuit is over and the excitement leaves. People are never happy with what they have(ok so maybe not never but a lot of the time).
I wish I could take back a lot of things. I'm having so much trouble lately. I keep wanting to go out with one of my friends and party. That's dumb, yes I know. But it keeps coming to my mind. I want to lose control, just for a little bit, just to feel numb for a time. I want to be numb, I want to shut out everything. Is it un normal that I want to lose control? I just get sick of always tyring to have things going right and constantly having to deal with everything sucky. And as someone said(not in direct words)-I don't like the idea of hanging my head over a toliet all night and waking up with an excruciating headache. Which is true-it's not a great thought- But that's not the appeal of it now is it?
People always tell me I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me, things seem bad now but they really aren't. What if they're wrong? What if my life is moving fast, I'm only 2 years away from being able to legally marry someone, even though I'm going to wait 4. I'm deciding my career choices, I'm planning out so many things in my life and I keep getting told that I'm young and not to worry so much about things. But I do. And these things are big to me right now. And They'd be big if I was older too. Why does it have to matter how old I am? My parents always tell me that I act older than my age and yet they always tell me that I can't do so many things because I'm too young. It's contradicting. I don't get it.
How am I supposed to not want to lose control? I want to be numb and I don't know how I'm supposed to make that go away.
~bre