Demons and Suits [HIMYM/Supernatural crossover, Teen]
Title: Demons and Suits
Author: lil_kaylee_frye
Pairings/Characters: Barney Stinson, Dean Winchester
Rating: Teen (to be safe)
Word Count: 1,900
Summary: What would happen if Dean Winchester met Barney Stinson in MacLaren's?
Disclaimer: I do not own How I Met Your Mother or Supernatural.
Author's Note: Written for drhelenmagnus on her birthday. Happy Birthday. :)
Following the trail of a particular vicious creature, called the Had'rik who eviscerates its victims, brought Sam and Dean Winchester to the bustling city of New York. At the moment, Sam was busy protecting the young woman who was what linked the creature's seemingly sporadic attacks together, while Dean, confident in his brother's protecting abilities, allowed himself the luxury of a small drink at MacLaren's bar as he eyed up the local ladies.
Dean winced sympathetically as he heard the sharp slap of rejection coming from his left side and a shrill, "I have a boyfriend, you pervert!" accompanying the blow. As the woman stomped off in her high heels, no doubt tossing her hair over her shoulder as she went, the man whom she had rejected turned back to the bar and ordered another scotch. The man noticed Dean's wince and misconstrued it as a chuckle, which he scoffed at indignantly.
"Hey! That doesn't usually happen, you know!" the man declared vehemently and Dean, knowing this was for his benefit, turned to face him in acknowledgement.
"I never said it did," Dean replied, holding his hands up, palms forward, in mock surrender.
"Good, just so we're clear," the man said stiffly, as he tugged importantly on the lapels of his designer suit, pausing to take a sip of scotch before he turned his attention back to Dean, "You know, I bet I've slept with more women than you have."
"I highly doubt that. Women are my talent," Dean replied with a patronizing chuckle as he took a long drink of his beer, "What story did you use on her anyways? Soldier going into war the following morning? Vulnerable thirty-year-old looking for the perfect woman to lose his virginity to? I've only got three months left to live?"
Stunned, he stared intently at Dean for a long minute, before, "You know about the stories?" the man demanded incredulously, prompting Dean to bob his head in the affirmative, "Barney Stinson," he introduced himself, grinning as he held out a hand.
"Dean Winchester," Dean replied, shaking the hand that was offered to him.
"Dean Winchester? Dean Winchester?" Barney repeated, wrinkling his nose in mild disgust, "What kind of surname is Winchester?"
Dean barely heard him; his attention was instead focused on a suspicious-looking man who was guiding a brunette woman out of the bar. The Had'rik creature was known not just for its brutal methods of killing but also for its ability to take on the guise of whatever prey it was stalking, so at the moment it was most likely disguised as an ordinary human. Dean's eyes narrowed when he noticed that, for the briefest fraction of a second, the man's cool blue irises flashed a vivid demonic red colour as he looked down upon the prey he had held in the crook of his arm. Also, from where he had draped his arm around the girl by his side, Dean could see that his fingernails were abnormally long and jagged - perfect for eviscerating an unsuspecting victim.
"An awesome one," Dean replied distantly, in answer to Barney's question, as he abandoned his stool by the bar and entered the cool night air.
He walked for awhile, his hands shoved in his pockets and his fingers furled around a ceremonial dagger he had concealed there, this the only weapon that could kill a creature such as the Had'rik stone dead. His eyes darted about frantically in search of the 'man' and woman he had seen leave the bar. Suddenly, from behind him, in an otherwise empty street, he heard the sound of hurried, approaching footsteps pounding along the sidewalk. He whipped around, ready to seize the knife from his pocket to confront his follower should they be life-threatening, only to discover that his follower was none other than Barney Stinson.
"OK, OK," Barney panted as he desperately gulped in oxygen to fill his lungs, while clutching a stitch in his side, "You didn't even give me a chance to argue that Stinson is a way more awesome surname than Winchester!"
"Listen, Barney, I really don't have time-" Dean tried to rid himself of the suited man's presence, but a terrified scream cut him off and he found his attention needed elsewhere.
He broke into a run, with a curious Barney close behind him. They stumbled to a halt (Barney stumbling into him) when they reached the mouth of an alleyway. Narrowing his eyes, Dean could make out two figures in the gloom, one holding the other one up against the wall. He withdrew the knife from his pocket purposefully and advanced forward. Silently, he instructed Barney to hide behind a Dumpster, an order which the other man followed reluctantly, whispering fervently about how unsanitary a Dumpster was.
The feminine figure up against the wall let out another pained scream as the figure holding her against the wall used his long, talon-like fingernails to make a shallow slit down her stomach - clearly he wanted to subject her to painful torture before he gutted her.
"Oh, my God," Barney squeaked loudly, clearly disgusted and defeating the purpose of his hiding place, "What is he doing?"
"He's a Had'rik! He's an evil, killing machine!" Dean explained hastily as he lunged forward, grabbing the creature around the middle and tackling him to the ground.
"But he's wearing a suit!" Barney cried, as though anyone clad in a suit couldn't be capable of something so despicable.
"Barney!" Dean growled, as he wrestled with the Had'rik, "Help - the - victim!"
Barney scrambled forward to gently seize the young woman and pull her away from where Dean and the creature were fighting and to relative safety. Unwinding the scarf he had knotted around his neck, Barney held it securely over the bleeding wound.
"Thank- thank you," the young woman stammered, terrified and in pain.
It was only then did Barney realize just how attractive she was, "Well, yeah, all in a day's work, you know? Me and my buddy, Dean, always do this sort of thing. Help the helpless. I'm charitable and awesome like that."
Meanwhile, Dean had managed to gain the upper hand in the fight, so that he was now on top of the creature, straddling his abdomen. He furled the fingers of his left hand around the creature's neck, crushing its windpipe, as, with the knife held firmly in his right hand, he stabbed his adversary thrice in the heart. The Had'rik let out a pained, shocked gasp and seized up momentarily before his muscles relaxed and he lay motionless upon the floor of the alleyway, his cold blue eyes wide and staring, a dribble of blood trickling from his mouth. Dean stood up, perspiration dampening his forehead, and he watched as the creature's guise shimmered, revealing his true, grotesque form.
"So, there's my number, Barney," the attractive young woman smiled at him flirtatiously despite the searing pain in her stomach, "Maybe you can give me a call sometime?" she suggested as Dean rang for an ambulance to tend to the woman.
When he had secured the arrival of an ambulance, he set out to dispose of the creature's corpse, but the moment his hands touched the Had'rik's lifeless form, it shrivelled up, its flesh blackening, before it exploded into a cloud of black dust flecked with a shimmering blood red colour. Dean gave a few hacking coughs, before he stepped hastily out of the way as the dust settled and the gentle wind carried it away - he didn't want nor need that crap polluting his lungs.
They waited until they heard the distant wail of sirens, before Dean took that as a signal that they should depart the scene. Hooking Barney's arm with his own, he dragged the suited man forcefully from the young woman, leaving her with an assurance that she would be fine, that the paramedics would be there soon for her and until they arrived she was to keep the scarf firmly in place over the wound. When they had put enough distance between themselves and the alley, Dean released Barney and strode on ahead of him, however it didn't take long for the other man to scurry up behind him and quickly fall in step with him.
"What a night!" Barney exclaimed, grinning exuberantly now that the danger had passed, "I mean, seriously, BEST. NIGHT. EVER! I got to watch you fight some demons, plus I got the number of a real smoking hot girl. Hey, this could be a regular thing! You could fight the bad guys and I could 'help' the poor damsels in distress! I mean, you could easily replace Ted as my wingman."
Dean chuckled, "Sorry, dude, I've already got myself a wingman, as you call it - my brother Sammy."
"And what makes him so much more awesomer than me?" Barney demanded; he didn't like to broadcast it but he had been rejected on numerous occasions in the past, but this rejection stung more than any others he had ever suffered.
"Well, for one, he lets me get the girls," Dean grinned mischievously and Barney made an understanding noise.
They had reached MacLaren's pub, "OK, then, at least let me get you a drink and we can play a little game of 'Haaaaaaaaaaaave you met, Dean?'" Barney smirked, jerking his head to the bar pointedly.
"Sorry, dude, I'm gonna have to decline that one as well," Dean admitted, his eyes focused on the ground, "Now the Had'rik's been destroyed, me and Sammy are gonna have to head on out in the Impala and hit the road again."
"Oh," Barney said, his smile fading, "Well, I'll see you, Dean," he stuck out his hand for a handshake, which Dean accepted, "Next time you're in town, look me up."
Dean nodded to him in agreement, promising both Barney and himself that he would do just that. When they broke apart from their handshake, Dean crossed over to the other side of the street. Shoving his hands back into the pockets of his jacket, he strode off down the sidewalk, head bowed slightly. His head soon jerked back up again, however, when he heard someone calling his name. Confused, he whipped around to see Barney still standing on the sidewalk outside MacLaren's.
"Hey, Dean! One more thing," he yelled to him, before imparting one final nugget of wisdom, "Buy a suit and, for God's sake, SUIT UP!"