Oct 8th Fic. Way Late..."His/Her Secret" NCIS. Tony/Brad Pitt. PG 13.
Title: “His/Her Secret”
Author: Lil Jei
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: Tony/Brad Pitt
Rating: PG 13
WD Ct: 800+
Disclaimer: The shows and the boys are so not mine.
A/N: I have no idea where this fic came from muse wise…its whacktastic and Un-Beta’d. It’s also portraying the issue kinda wrong but hell that’s why I like writing-to take liberties.
Summary/Prompt: Gibbs (and everyone else) would be surprised at what Tony is hiding under those designer suits.
Looking into the mirror Tony wanted to cringe just a bit. No matter how much time he spent in the real world, living, breathing, and working as a man he still came home to his dirty “little” secret each night. And he hated that. Well he used to hate it. Nowadays he felt and acted a lot differently than he ever had in the past. And besides it wasn’t as if it was a really little secret, in reality it was a big cause of issues in his life, both personally and professionally. And it’s always as he runs a razor up and around “it” that he always thinks about the subject alot. No matter what’s gone on the week before it always hits him right then and there. That he’s different, that he’s a she and everything in between is confusing to him/her- whatever really.
But now it’s not as confusing or traumatic. For years the self hate had built up within him. He’d always been daddy’s little freak and momma’s little girl. Even after his mom died he still found his gender reality in conflict, of course who wouldn’t with such a development staring right back at you in the mirror. Too much of a biological thing was what led to the virtual destruction of his childhood. He knew that as soon as his mom died things were going to be different. Momma hadn’t even been dead a couple of years before he’d been disowned and sent off to military school. To this day it still surprised him that his dad had never told the admin about his “son’s” condition. It would have made the years there even worse than they were. He’d have been gang raped on a daily basis instead of having to give weekly blowjobs.
Maybe his dad still had some affection for him at that point. But that certainly hadn’t lasted. By the time he turned 18 he was truly on his own and all alone in life. College hadn’t been as bad as he expected. He’d only had to play up the masculine portion of his personality. Never once letting his girlish side out, he couldn’t have been careless one iota. If he wanted to acknowledge any regret at all about that time or any time in his life, it’s always been the dishonesty that he lives with daily that gets to him. That was another aspect of his life that he hates, or used to. But other than being wary of locker rooms and dating Tony still remembers all the fun college life was, even if it was in the boondocks of Ohio.
And now dating was a lot better. Life was better. He was finally honest with two people in his life. Even if he didn’t choose either of the times the truth came out. It still felt better to have his big secret laid bare. Although, he didn’t like how fascinated Ducky had become since finding out. He didn’t mind Brad’s slight obsession with both of his sexes. Hell Brad was the big reason he was feeling so much better about himself. He finally felt loved enough to be liberated in his physicality and sexuality. He’d always liked both sides of the fence, but he’d never once let someone else breach his/her inner folds. And now with Brad he felt sexy and sensual lying on his back with his legs spread.
So much so that when Brad suggested months ago that he start to shave completely down there he didn’t have a problem. He even started to look forward to this part of his week. Before Brad he could barely even look down there. Now he reveled in each shiver and shift of flesh in between his legs as he ran the razor up, down, and around his genitals. It made him reconnect to his inner goddess. It helped bring him back down to earth. It made him stop and think, made him reexamine everything. The world fell away as he started to clean himself up down there, the only thing he concentrated on at that point was the bareness, the act, and the way his lover would react when he’d come home.
Tony could honestly say he loved being the stereotypical girl in this relationship. Not to say he wasn’t as masculine as he normally was when he was with Brad. But when he was at home with Brad he also didn’t feel the need to put up a front. He felt free to be himself. He could allow his hormones to take over. He could feel free to cuddle, to cook, and to squeal with delight when he got flowers. His body, life, and emotions were always going to be in conflict. As long as he had to live both ways he would never feel whole, but with Brad by his side he sure felt a lot better about who he or she was on the inside. And after a life of feeling torn apart by his genitals he wasn’t going to discount that just yet.