(no subject)
There's a lot of things in my life these days that I'm not happy with. Sometimes it's difficult to say what it is, or why, but it's a feeling. Like I wonder if things will change for the better or if I just continue to make the wrong choices.
Softball is fun but as much as I like it I realize that it was a wrong choice. I should have gone to soccer...even if it meant trying out later and leaving softball. That was just something I should have done. And now that I didn't I won't get an athletic scholarship. I just started softball last year. Of course I'm not great.
As much as I like having fun and doing all sorts of things, I realize that this stage in my life is coming to an end-- an end I should have seen well before this. It's time to get a job. It's time to take charge of my life and make myself a better person for it. I have so many goals, and so little I have accomplished. Well it's time--it's well past time.
I just...I wish people understood that. Most people who read this will say they understand, but they won't. I guess, at this point, it is inevitable to understand unless you, yourself, are going through a moral crisis such as my own.
It's time. And as motivational and determined as this all sounds I still feel so very alone in all this. I need that wall--that person that will stand tall for me no mater what, and can be there for me through everything. Someone who understands. Easier said than done, that is the problem.
I hate to have my motives questioned or my intention in doubt, I really do. It's a matter of trust and I have lots of it...therefore, if I'm ever betrayed it just rips me apart. I guess that's how I feel. Not in a big way, but in a lot of little ways.
It's stressing me out. Everything is just stressing me out.
Softball is fun but as much as I like it I realize that it was a wrong choice. I should have gone to soccer...even if it meant trying out later and leaving softball. That was just something I should have done. And now that I didn't I won't get an athletic scholarship. I just started softball last year. Of course I'm not great.
As much as I like having fun and doing all sorts of things, I realize that this stage in my life is coming to an end-- an end I should have seen well before this. It's time to get a job. It's time to take charge of my life and make myself a better person for it. I have so many goals, and so little I have accomplished. Well it's time--it's well past time.
I just...I wish people understood that. Most people who read this will say they understand, but they won't. I guess, at this point, it is inevitable to understand unless you, yourself, are going through a moral crisis such as my own.
It's time. And as motivational and determined as this all sounds I still feel so very alone in all this. I need that wall--that person that will stand tall for me no mater what, and can be there for me through everything. Someone who understands. Easier said than done, that is the problem.
I hate to have my motives questioned or my intention in doubt, I really do. It's a matter of trust and I have lots of it...therefore, if I'm ever betrayed it just rips me apart. I guess that's how I feel. Not in a big way, but in a lot of little ways.
It's stressing me out. Everything is just stressing me out.