The reason I got on Livejournal in the first place...
So. Today is that day. THAT day. The day that I've been working toward and fighting against for months.
I used to get upset just thinking about today, but that became part of the reason my summer sucked ass.
So...after awhile I just didn't worry about it. Just let it go...deal with this day when it got here.
...and here it is.
I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Not because I wasn't hurting, because I was.
...but because I've realized that nobody is dying or anything...that we're all okay, that Bryan's okay.
Today is officially the day that everyone is gone and I start my life at UI, because before this is it was almost like a little vacation, with Bryan and Pat and some people we didn't know very well. Just like a road trip.
But now it's really here. Now I'm really here. Classes start tomorrow, and now I really have things to do and stuff. Now I have to be smart.
...and now I have to live without my best friend.
I guess summer lulled me into a place where I could really see Bryan whenever I wanted, and that was okay. And you get comfortable with that sort of thing. Now he's gone, and he's going to Spain, and I'm staying here in Moscow. That means I'm going four months without seeing him. It's hard. It's so hard, right now, to even imagine how I'm going to get through this, really. Because I can go upstairs and see Pat (I have plans to), and we can do whatever, and go tour the campus, and then I can go to the REC and work out for a bit, and then chill with Savanah in our room, and that'll be good. I'll have a good time.
But when that's done, I'm going to go to my bed, and I'm going to wonder where Bryan is, and why I can't head over to Brenton's and shoot the shit with everyone.
I'm crying all over again. This is hard...
But everything will be okay...I have enough faith in every one of us to be able to come back and actually have things be better than they've been. Obviously they won't be the same, but when I say 'better', I mean 'healthier'.
...Bryan...
...thanks. *love* Thanks. We'll still talk loads, but I'm going to miss hugs, jelly beans, wrestling contests, and driving.
Driving most of all.
*sex*
I used to get upset just thinking about today, but that became part of the reason my summer sucked ass.
So...after awhile I just didn't worry about it. Just let it go...deal with this day when it got here.
...and here it is.
I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Not because I wasn't hurting, because I was.
...but because I've realized that nobody is dying or anything...that we're all okay, that Bryan's okay.
Today is officially the day that everyone is gone and I start my life at UI, because before this is it was almost like a little vacation, with Bryan and Pat and some people we didn't know very well. Just like a road trip.
But now it's really here. Now I'm really here. Classes start tomorrow, and now I really have things to do and stuff. Now I have to be smart.
...and now I have to live without my best friend.
I guess summer lulled me into a place where I could really see Bryan whenever I wanted, and that was okay. And you get comfortable with that sort of thing. Now he's gone, and he's going to Spain, and I'm staying here in Moscow. That means I'm going four months without seeing him. It's hard. It's so hard, right now, to even imagine how I'm going to get through this, really. Because I can go upstairs and see Pat (I have plans to), and we can do whatever, and go tour the campus, and then I can go to the REC and work out for a bit, and then chill with Savanah in our room, and that'll be good. I'll have a good time.
But when that's done, I'm going to go to my bed, and I'm going to wonder where Bryan is, and why I can't head over to Brenton's and shoot the shit with everyone.
I'm crying all over again. This is hard...
But everything will be okay...I have enough faith in every one of us to be able to come back and actually have things be better than they've been. Obviously they won't be the same, but when I say 'better', I mean 'healthier'.
...Bryan...
...thanks. *love* Thanks. We'll still talk loads, but I'm going to miss hugs, jelly beans, wrestling contests, and driving.
Driving most of all.
*sex*