fuck up in the head again
ok so my dumb ass fell in love again and this is one of the few times in my most recent past that i am the one to get seriously hurt!!!! i could not eat i couldnt sleep i didnt have the energy to move at all for a few days but now things are getting worked out and i can see my wife Seffiona and i gettin back together again and i would honestly love that cuz this is THE ONE FOR REAL!!!! i know i've had some real strong feelings for some girls in the past but this is the most i have ever loved anyone i love her more than i loved april
and that is what has me all fucked up in the head cuz i know i cant see myself with anyone else but she needs her time ad space to find herself but i dont want to wait anymore i want her as mine forever and always i dont want any other girl to ever touch her besides me or someone that i say is ok for some fun!!!!
I didnt think i could have these kinds of feelings for anyone after all that has happened to me but you know what now i do and i never wanna let her go!!!!!
this morning and last night we kinda made a move to get back together and so far we are ok
she was interested in another girl when she left me and that girl broke her heart and now i wanna beat the shit out of her for ever doing that to her cuz my wife doesnt need that kind of shit she needs someone that will love her for who she is no matter what like i do and treat her like a fucking goddess this other girl did not like the fact that my wife likes to enjoy herself and get high sometimes..so if they did become something serious that means that she would have to change more things bout herself that i accepted
now i tried to move on from my wife but that didnt work i started hanging out with old friends and i had several girls ask me out but i couldnt seem to feel anything even for an ex that i never really got over i even went after random girls that i didnt know and nothing felt right
I only feel whole when i have her in my arms....i've had her loving embrace for the last few days now and nothing has ever felt so right in my entire life i live for her i breathe for her i bleed for her she is my whole world my only reason for living...
she made an attempt on her life just a few days ago and even though i was mad at her for what she did to me i felt like i had to rush to her side and be there to show her that i do love and care for her i cried for her more than i've ever cried in my whole life...
the first morning i got to wake up next to her i felt so happy to have that comfort but at the same time it hurt cuz she at the time was not mine
"I never thought that comfort could ever hurt that bad"
those were my exact thoughts
people always told me that i could not make it work with some one so young but you know what we were all young once and we all needed someone that would stick by us no matter what
I promised her that i would never abandon her no matter what and even when i should have i didnt even though all my friends said told me to... i still stayed and tortured myself just to show her that i was wilking to fight for her love...
but i knew that if i got into a physical fight with that girl she was into that i would lose her forever and that girl also said that she would never abandon my wife and that even though they could not be together at the moment that she loved her.... this girl said she was still too messed up from her ex to try to get into a relationship...then the bad news came for my love...the girl that she was into found herself in love with another girl and they decided to be together and now my wife feels like that girl has abandoned her and she has broken her heart
i cant say that i'm not entirely happy bout what happened cuz i kinda am cuz that girl was stealing the love of my life from me but i dont wanna she my wife in pain...
i know that i have been in the worst pain i have ever felt but i dont wish that on anyone
i was about to give them my blessing but that stupid girl had to hurt her and when a real problem came along she ran from my wife
i apologized for things that i dont think i should have and i tried to be good to them when they knew i was in pain but still did things in front of me that they didnt think i would notice but i stayed as calm as possible and kept taking it and only adding to the pain i was already in but i wanted to stand my ground and show her what was really going on with me in my heart and in my mind
i know that things will work themselves out in all due time and time does heal all wounds and even though the pain has not completely passed i know that one day it will and i know that then my heart will be free to love again but i know that from the bottom of my heart and soul that i'm healing just to be hers for all eternity i gave her everything in me.... and though it does hurt i want to heal myself for her again
"When you're not here it doesn't feel the same
Remember the nights when we closed our eyes
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time
Anytime I think about these things is shared with you
I break down and cry cause I get so emotional
Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain"
boys 2 men "four seasons of loneliness"
and that is what has me all fucked up in the head cuz i know i cant see myself with anyone else but she needs her time ad space to find herself but i dont want to wait anymore i want her as mine forever and always i dont want any other girl to ever touch her besides me or someone that i say is ok for some fun!!!!
I didnt think i could have these kinds of feelings for anyone after all that has happened to me but you know what now i do and i never wanna let her go!!!!!
this morning and last night we kinda made a move to get back together and so far we are ok
she was interested in another girl when she left me and that girl broke her heart and now i wanna beat the shit out of her for ever doing that to her cuz my wife doesnt need that kind of shit she needs someone that will love her for who she is no matter what like i do and treat her like a fucking goddess this other girl did not like the fact that my wife likes to enjoy herself and get high sometimes..so if they did become something serious that means that she would have to change more things bout herself that i accepted
now i tried to move on from my wife but that didnt work i started hanging out with old friends and i had several girls ask me out but i couldnt seem to feel anything even for an ex that i never really got over i even went after random girls that i didnt know and nothing felt right
I only feel whole when i have her in my arms....i've had her loving embrace for the last few days now and nothing has ever felt so right in my entire life i live for her i breathe for her i bleed for her she is my whole world my only reason for living...
she made an attempt on her life just a few days ago and even though i was mad at her for what she did to me i felt like i had to rush to her side and be there to show her that i do love and care for her i cried for her more than i've ever cried in my whole life...
the first morning i got to wake up next to her i felt so happy to have that comfort but at the same time it hurt cuz she at the time was not mine
"I never thought that comfort could ever hurt that bad"
those were my exact thoughts
people always told me that i could not make it work with some one so young but you know what we were all young once and we all needed someone that would stick by us no matter what
I promised her that i would never abandon her no matter what and even when i should have i didnt even though all my friends said told me to... i still stayed and tortured myself just to show her that i was wilking to fight for her love...
but i knew that if i got into a physical fight with that girl she was into that i would lose her forever and that girl also said that she would never abandon my wife and that even though they could not be together at the moment that she loved her.... this girl said she was still too messed up from her ex to try to get into a relationship...then the bad news came for my love...the girl that she was into found herself in love with another girl and they decided to be together and now my wife feels like that girl has abandoned her and she has broken her heart
i cant say that i'm not entirely happy bout what happened cuz i kinda am cuz that girl was stealing the love of my life from me but i dont wanna she my wife in pain...
i know that i have been in the worst pain i have ever felt but i dont wish that on anyone
i was about to give them my blessing but that stupid girl had to hurt her and when a real problem came along she ran from my wife
i apologized for things that i dont think i should have and i tried to be good to them when they knew i was in pain but still did things in front of me that they didnt think i would notice but i stayed as calm as possible and kept taking it and only adding to the pain i was already in but i wanted to stand my ground and show her what was really going on with me in my heart and in my mind
i know that things will work themselves out in all due time and time does heal all wounds and even though the pain has not completely passed i know that one day it will and i know that then my heart will be free to love again but i know that from the bottom of my heart and soul that i'm healing just to be hers for all eternity i gave her everything in me.... and though it does hurt i want to heal myself for her again
"When you're not here it doesn't feel the same
Remember the nights when we closed our eyes
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time
Anytime I think about these things is shared with you
I break down and cry cause I get so emotional
Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain"
boys 2 men "four seasons of loneliness"