"Our lives are fractions of a whole...."
Tonight's one of those nights for me..when you just lay around listening to music and thinking about things. Bright Eyes...i really really like them..and they were the music behind my thoughts tonight. I was thinking of how fast everthing is moving for me right now..and i feel like i have no time to sit back and just watch what's going on around me. Sometimes it's weird how much fun it can be to lay in the grass and stare at the clouds for hours...I just like thinking..and i guess that's a downfall too..but it's me and I'm not gonna pretend that it's not. My brother tonight..i was listenin to him and realizing how he's trying so hard to be different that he's ending up just the same as everyone else. I know I use to be like that but damn..i don't care anymore..It's my life and i'm living it the way I want to. I like this verse from "bowl of oranges" a whole hell of alot cuz it's so incredibly true.
"your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
And when crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope"
I was reading other people's live journals tonight and wishing I still talked to some people...but i guess there're some situations I've created that are unfixable or that people don't wanna fix..but i do..so if i've pissed you off or haven't talked to you..I really am here for you and i'm incredibly sorry... I'm tired of pushing things out of the way cuz I don't wanna deal with em cuz i dont wanna get hurt trying to fix them..but then in the end I get hurt even more... That's one of the reasons i felt kind of good in a way the other night..cuz Steven didn't like something i did so he told me..and i apologized and said i wouldn't anymore...I guess that sounds weird but it was a step up for me..cuz I don't like ANY type of conflict and I actually delt with it...and it felt good dammit! Oh well..that's it for now..imma go think some more..
"your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
And when crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope"
I was reading other people's live journals tonight and wishing I still talked to some people...but i guess there're some situations I've created that are unfixable or that people don't wanna fix..but i do..so if i've pissed you off or haven't talked to you..I really am here for you and i'm incredibly sorry... I'm tired of pushing things out of the way cuz I don't wanna deal with em cuz i dont wanna get hurt trying to fix them..but then in the end I get hurt even more... That's one of the reasons i felt kind of good in a way the other night..cuz Steven didn't like something i did so he told me..and i apologized and said i wouldn't anymore...I guess that sounds weird but it was a step up for me..cuz I don't like ANY type of conflict and I actually delt with it...and it felt good dammit! Oh well..that's it for now..imma go think some more..