Relaxing? No.. on edge...
Hey everyone,
What a roller coaster of 2 freaking days... Okay. Some may or may not know, David is pretty much expecting me to give up all contact with Colin. I'm attempting to respect his wishes, but at the same time be myself. Colin is one of my most beloved, dearest friends who seems to love me for me. I love David dearly, I only wish the two didn't intertwine. I'm working it out slowly... He no longer puts his arm around me in school. At least he tries not too. Many hugs. Kisses on the forehead. I give him a stern look and tell him to stop but he'll just look at me like, "are you fucking kidding me?"
Its official I sent in my admitance to Pitt @ Johnstown. I'm so scared. What will I do? Comparitively- I have no talent.
Its so odd that I now realize at Indian Creek I could kick people's asses in terms of acting and singing. (things which now that I'm in Moon, I realize I love and need in my life) But since I realize it now, I don't have a chance in hell to shine at all. Where do I fit in?
Speaking of which Chrysti got Sandy for "Grease". When I found out Friday I screamed in Colin's face due to my excitement! David and I will be going to see her. I'm glad he and I share "some"friends. Because its either some of my friends think he's a wimp (for reasons which only Will could explain) or his friends think I'm a bitch. Pick yopu poison. We also share Cynthia, Steven and Logan in common... Sara if you want. But I'd prefer to keep her away from him. I now realize Sara (besides her personal life) is everything I want to be. Smart. Beautiful. Creative. Adorable. Talented.
Anyway, Friday's rehearsal went well. I'm finally nailing the damned dance steps. *jumps up and down*
Afterwards, Dave wanted to check out guns so we went to Dick's... I told him a .22 is a sissy rifle and he should get something more suitable for sport. Not for shooting racoons. lol I felt odd with 4 older men talking about guns at the counter while I stare at the stuffed deer and moose heads. awwwkward...
David and I were to originally go to the Olive Garden but there was a 35 minute wait and we were impatient so tried Bahama Breeze so he could twirl me in the restaraunt again. Same amt. So we thought, Golden Corral. Me personally, that buffett is... "ok". Hoss's where I work has a much cleaner bar but hey, beggars can't be choosers. It was a very odd experience though. As soon as I entered the doors I felt watched. As it turns out that I found out tonight... My ex boyfriend Zach was at the Golden Corral. How weird. Just the fact I hadn't been to that place since I was actaully thee with Zach. After our experiences this year, I don't know what to think of him anymore. I picked up the picture he gave me his junior year and it said "I love you no matter what. When you move and if we part... I'll find you again someday." He might be angry that I'm writing this but... my Moon people don't really know so.. yea... Well, to continue on the queerness- I respected Lent but David was being awfully, "clingy." I sat next to him which Zach also would like me to do (I'm not complaining) its just so bizarre that I felt his presence and all of the circumstances. Why didn't you say something? Too afraid? What did you think?
Friday in itself was a healing day for David and I. Then tonight I started the day off by going to Colin's house for 2 hours. He had a family get together for his brother's college graduation. His bro, sisters and parents love me...and to them I'm Colin's girlfriend so of course I'm invited. We don't consider us that...unofficial bliss is what we called it. Anyway I met his family..the crazy italian side- and we played Vice City and talked. I love it that they like me. Parents liking me is soo important.
But the fact I went to Colin's upset David. It was a permeditated plan. I don't back out of that. David and I originally planned (do you see a pattern?) to go to the drive in. But ever since he found out everything he felt odd around me so tonight started rocky. So we went to Kohl's to buy me pants for HSM. He said I was cold towards him. I don't mean to be. Then we drove to Home Depot and sat in the parking lot and talked for 30 minutes. About how he feels and how I feel. How we do love eachother and want it to work. How he has moodswings. Then after we resolved it, we went in to buy cement and poles to make his photo studio. As it turns out hes very serious about making his own photography studio. So tonight we spent time mixing cement to put poles into buckets (fills bucket w/ cement to keep poles in place) which in turn hold up the backdrops for pictues so its mobile. We always end up having some project.
After that adventure we watched movies and hung out of the couch. He is always in some sort of pain. Do I cause this? I hope not.... We began rocky...got better...got bad...got great. Then he left saying, "I love you...don't let me go...I just got a bad feeling." I hate that!!! I instantly think, o shit whats going to happen?
I think we're getting better. Now he needs to except me going to prom with Colin...Going to Florida with Colin...His sister's wedding... He surrounds my life. I don't want him gone- too much of a life safer. Colin picked up my pieces and put me back together. I was supposed to do the same for David but I ended up shattering him more. God I pray Johnstown is a good idea. It feels so right...to be here with you... Ohhh---oh... I'm QOUTING HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!! NOOOOoOoOOoO!!!
Come see it. March 15th-18th. Sunday @ 3:30. Thursday thru Sat, 7:30. I'm getting excited now. The band is amazing... The 18th is David and mine's 1 year anniversary. I hope he doesn't regret driving those 2 hous a year ago to see me for 5 minutes.. and begin the best chapters of my life.
Good night. I gotta work 12-8 tommorow... ick. have fun. Enjoy the snow. And I was weaing shorts this moning..jeez...
<3
Carissa
What a roller coaster of 2 freaking days... Okay. Some may or may not know, David is pretty much expecting me to give up all contact with Colin. I'm attempting to respect his wishes, but at the same time be myself. Colin is one of my most beloved, dearest friends who seems to love me for me. I love David dearly, I only wish the two didn't intertwine. I'm working it out slowly... He no longer puts his arm around me in school. At least he tries not too. Many hugs. Kisses on the forehead. I give him a stern look and tell him to stop but he'll just look at me like, "are you fucking kidding me?"
Its official I sent in my admitance to Pitt @ Johnstown. I'm so scared. What will I do? Comparitively- I have no talent.
Its so odd that I now realize at Indian Creek I could kick people's asses in terms of acting and singing. (things which now that I'm in Moon, I realize I love and need in my life) But since I realize it now, I don't have a chance in hell to shine at all. Where do I fit in?
Speaking of which Chrysti got Sandy for "Grease". When I found out Friday I screamed in Colin's face due to my excitement! David and I will be going to see her. I'm glad he and I share "some"friends. Because its either some of my friends think he's a wimp (for reasons which only Will could explain) or his friends think I'm a bitch. Pick yopu poison. We also share Cynthia, Steven and Logan in common... Sara if you want. But I'd prefer to keep her away from him. I now realize Sara (besides her personal life) is everything I want to be. Smart. Beautiful. Creative. Adorable. Talented.
Anyway, Friday's rehearsal went well. I'm finally nailing the damned dance steps. *jumps up and down*
Afterwards, Dave wanted to check out guns so we went to Dick's... I told him a .22 is a sissy rifle and he should get something more suitable for sport. Not for shooting racoons. lol I felt odd with 4 older men talking about guns at the counter while I stare at the stuffed deer and moose heads. awwwkward...
David and I were to originally go to the Olive Garden but there was a 35 minute wait and we were impatient so tried Bahama Breeze so he could twirl me in the restaraunt again. Same amt. So we thought, Golden Corral. Me personally, that buffett is... "ok". Hoss's where I work has a much cleaner bar but hey, beggars can't be choosers. It was a very odd experience though. As soon as I entered the doors I felt watched. As it turns out that I found out tonight... My ex boyfriend Zach was at the Golden Corral. How weird. Just the fact I hadn't been to that place since I was actaully thee with Zach. After our experiences this year, I don't know what to think of him anymore. I picked up the picture he gave me his junior year and it said "I love you no matter what. When you move and if we part... I'll find you again someday." He might be angry that I'm writing this but... my Moon people don't really know so.. yea... Well, to continue on the queerness- I respected Lent but David was being awfully, "clingy." I sat next to him which Zach also would like me to do (I'm not complaining) its just so bizarre that I felt his presence and all of the circumstances. Why didn't you say something? Too afraid? What did you think?
Friday in itself was a healing day for David and I. Then tonight I started the day off by going to Colin's house for 2 hours. He had a family get together for his brother's college graduation. His bro, sisters and parents love me...and to them I'm Colin's girlfriend so of course I'm invited. We don't consider us that...unofficial bliss is what we called it. Anyway I met his family..the crazy italian side- and we played Vice City and talked. I love it that they like me. Parents liking me is soo important.
But the fact I went to Colin's upset David. It was a permeditated plan. I don't back out of that. David and I originally planned (do you see a pattern?) to go to the drive in. But ever since he found out everything he felt odd around me so tonight started rocky. So we went to Kohl's to buy me pants for HSM. He said I was cold towards him. I don't mean to be. Then we drove to Home Depot and sat in the parking lot and talked for 30 minutes. About how he feels and how I feel. How we do love eachother and want it to work. How he has moodswings. Then after we resolved it, we went in to buy cement and poles to make his photo studio. As it turns out hes very serious about making his own photography studio. So tonight we spent time mixing cement to put poles into buckets (fills bucket w/ cement to keep poles in place) which in turn hold up the backdrops for pictues so its mobile. We always end up having some project.
After that adventure we watched movies and hung out of the couch. He is always in some sort of pain. Do I cause this? I hope not.... We began rocky...got better...got bad...got great. Then he left saying, "I love you...don't let me go...I just got a bad feeling." I hate that!!! I instantly think, o shit whats going to happen?
I think we're getting better. Now he needs to except me going to prom with Colin...Going to Florida with Colin...His sister's wedding... He surrounds my life. I don't want him gone- too much of a life safer. Colin picked up my pieces and put me back together. I was supposed to do the same for David but I ended up shattering him more. God I pray Johnstown is a good idea. It feels so right...to be here with you... Ohhh---oh... I'm QOUTING HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!! NOOOOoOoOOoO!!!
Come see it. March 15th-18th. Sunday @ 3:30. Thursday thru Sat, 7:30. I'm getting excited now. The band is amazing... The 18th is David and mine's 1 year anniversary. I hope he doesn't regret driving those 2 hous a year ago to see me for 5 minutes.. and begin the best chapters of my life.
Good night. I gotta work 12-8 tommorow... ick. have fun. Enjoy the snow. And I was weaing shorts this moning..jeez...
<3
Carissa