(no subject)
why do i deem it necessary to like guys that are so out of reach its ridiculous. i always go for the older ones that dont even know my name or care. im sick of this. im sick of caring, trying, or making sense. im sick of worrying what i look like to other people. im sick of guys who are man whores or dont care about girls (in general not really to anyone...actually ya, pat) im sick of worrying about shit that i cant change. im sick of trying so hard to be with who i want to be. it should just happen. why does this, well I suck so much?
"Reasons everyone always wants reasons why I am the way I am Honestly i would like to know myself I want to know why I cry Im screaming silently inside Im free but I hold back I hate myself everytime I look in the mirror I drown myself in selfpity I eat a tub of icecream then feel so much guilt that I can't move I am ashamed I hide from everything I feel more than i can take And I just really want to know why I am unable to be whole Was I born with a failure inside of me that doesn't allow me to change I spend my days scared What if I never change What if there are no reasons at all What if I am the way I am forever and there is nothing I can do about it So I look for an answer to make the confusion go away Everyday I wake up searching with only hope that someday something will be found that will make this endless longing go away."
"Reasons everyone always wants reasons why I am the way I am Honestly i would like to know myself I want to know why I cry Im screaming silently inside Im free but I hold back I hate myself everytime I look in the mirror I drown myself in selfpity I eat a tub of icecream then feel so much guilt that I can't move I am ashamed I hide from everything I feel more than i can take And I just really want to know why I am unable to be whole Was I born with a failure inside of me that doesn't allow me to change I spend my days scared What if I never change What if there are no reasons at all What if I am the way I am forever and there is nothing I can do about it So I look for an answer to make the confusion go away Everyday I wake up searching with only hope that someday something will be found that will make this endless longing go away."