(no subject)
I know i haven't updated in a while lifes been crazy ... I don't do much of anything to be honest tho me and Dale's been playing Games together...
There taking it back for another trial ... How much more can one person take I know Dale's about to explode... I can't blame him I'm pretty close myself...I'm Tired I'm broke and I feel the depression creeping up on me. I am trying so hard to fight it but i'm at the point were i'm numb ... Numb to life...
I'm tired have been sleeping quite a bit and I'm not sure if its depression or my period ...
My mood could be due to that... but i really don't think it is I think the court is taking a stress on me ... how much more can one person take ? This crazy women is putting me in finacial ruin... I am trying so hard to keep my head a float and Not to stress out I just think i'm gonna have to file bankruptcy *spelling* I don't think i have any other choice I have tried and tried and still trying but i am sinking faster and faster the harder i try to paddle ... Never was a good swimmer...
As soon as this court is over I'm out of here ... I am gone we are out of here and heading to virginia I am not taking a lot of things with me i'm just ready to start over completely over you know ... I want to crawl under a rock right now... Theres aspects in my life i do not share with anyone... If its for shame or fear or for whatever reason... I feel I am becoming a recluse thats my biggest fear... I don't do anything anymore nothing ......... and I know this and I don't care at the time...
I don't want the depression I don't want to slip in that dark place... Its a horrible place i just want to cry but can't I can't i've tried i've tried to just let it all out...
I've fallen to my knees and prayed , prayed for this to be over with ... to stop... to end... I feel there is to much on my plate filling up and I prayed to god for guidance and to show me which way to go...
Theres so much in life that i want..> I want a family but I'm broken as a woman it seems ... and feel useless....i want this to be over with and to be stable and to be at peace I want peace and calmness...
I do not want to work at my current job .... I've been there forever and i am on job burn out ... I do not want to go ... Its a fight to get up in the morning's to go... and when i'm there its a fight to stay ... last week I got broncitis for the millionanth time and I was excited about being sick to an extent cause i had a valid reason not to go to work...
No one ever calls me unless they want something no one comes to see me... and i know it runs both ways but the girls that i raised my sister Ivory and andrea ...
and my sister Tina... My god I love her ... I do I really love her and it broke my heart to hear that she is dying... But i was numb to it like it was surreal ... they gave her two years to live max if she doesn't do chemo and doesn't stop with the drugs ... they gave her 4 years with the chemo...
It hurts to know she is that sick that she is in the hospital almost every week .... It hurts worse that we fight all the time that we are together I just want her to know that Even tho we went seperate ways and we do not get along taht she is my sister and that i do love her... I love her with all my heart... and I want her here ....
Life is hurting so much lately ...
Why won't it stop? I don't think anyone has the answers to it ... I just am very tired of the stress...
The stress pushed me over the edge ... thats why i'm diabetic and have high blood pressure ... and at this point ...
God what sucks is that this trial is costing me everything 2 trials.... you know how much they cost 14k per trial you think I've even got the first one paid off your wrong I've got so much debt ... because of her ... this woman who is hateful very hateful ...
I can't take this I don't even have money to buy my test strips or meds half the time then have to listen to my grandma bitch about it ... bitch cause I dn't have money to bu y my meds ... well i never asked her to help me with them I never did in my entire life ask her to do this ....
I guess I have to go I could keep writing but I have to go take dale to work soon... I don't want him to go to work I tried to get him to call in but he won't I really want him to call in and stay home with me tonight I dn't like being home at night by myself call me paranoid but I just never have ... growing up in a big family ... got you spoiled sometimes >... I mean i like my alone time but not every night I want ot spend time with him... .Well here i go rambling i got to goooooooooooooo...........
There taking it back for another trial ... How much more can one person take I know Dale's about to explode... I can't blame him I'm pretty close myself...I'm Tired I'm broke and I feel the depression creeping up on me. I am trying so hard to fight it but i'm at the point were i'm numb ... Numb to life...
I'm tired have been sleeping quite a bit and I'm not sure if its depression or my period ...
My mood could be due to that... but i really don't think it is I think the court is taking a stress on me ... how much more can one person take ? This crazy women is putting me in finacial ruin... I am trying so hard to keep my head a float and Not to stress out I just think i'm gonna have to file bankruptcy *spelling* I don't think i have any other choice I have tried and tried and still trying but i am sinking faster and faster the harder i try to paddle ... Never was a good swimmer...
As soon as this court is over I'm out of here ... I am gone we are out of here and heading to virginia I am not taking a lot of things with me i'm just ready to start over completely over you know ... I want to crawl under a rock right now... Theres aspects in my life i do not share with anyone... If its for shame or fear or for whatever reason... I feel I am becoming a recluse thats my biggest fear... I don't do anything anymore nothing ......... and I know this and I don't care at the time...
I don't want the depression I don't want to slip in that dark place... Its a horrible place i just want to cry but can't I can't i've tried i've tried to just let it all out...
I've fallen to my knees and prayed , prayed for this to be over with ... to stop... to end... I feel there is to much on my plate filling up and I prayed to god for guidance and to show me which way to go...
Theres so much in life that i want..> I want a family but I'm broken as a woman it seems ... and feel useless....i want this to be over with and to be stable and to be at peace I want peace and calmness...
I do not want to work at my current job .... I've been there forever and i am on job burn out ... I do not want to go ... Its a fight to get up in the morning's to go... and when i'm there its a fight to stay ... last week I got broncitis for the millionanth time and I was excited about being sick to an extent cause i had a valid reason not to go to work...
No one ever calls me unless they want something no one comes to see me... and i know it runs both ways but the girls that i raised my sister Ivory and andrea ...
and my sister Tina... My god I love her ... I do I really love her and it broke my heart to hear that she is dying... But i was numb to it like it was surreal ... they gave her two years to live max if she doesn't do chemo and doesn't stop with the drugs ... they gave her 4 years with the chemo...
It hurts to know she is that sick that she is in the hospital almost every week .... It hurts worse that we fight all the time that we are together I just want her to know that Even tho we went seperate ways and we do not get along taht she is my sister and that i do love her... I love her with all my heart... and I want her here ....
Life is hurting so much lately ...
Why won't it stop? I don't think anyone has the answers to it ... I just am very tired of the stress...
The stress pushed me over the edge ... thats why i'm diabetic and have high blood pressure ... and at this point ...
God what sucks is that this trial is costing me everything 2 trials.... you know how much they cost 14k per trial you think I've even got the first one paid off your wrong I've got so much debt ... because of her ... this woman who is hateful very hateful ...
I can't take this I don't even have money to buy my test strips or meds half the time then have to listen to my grandma bitch about it ... bitch cause I dn't have money to bu y my meds ... well i never asked her to help me with them I never did in my entire life ask her to do this ....
I guess I have to go I could keep writing but I have to go take dale to work soon... I don't want him to go to work I tried to get him to call in but he won't I really want him to call in and stay home with me tonight I dn't like being home at night by myself call me paranoid but I just never have ... growing up in a big family ... got you spoiled sometimes >... I mean i like my alone time but not every night I want ot spend time with him... .Well here i go rambling i got to goooooooooooooo...........