So, here goes...MY FEARS: A hellish list for the future.
I realize it's been a while since I wrote. I've come to terms that many of the thoughts I feel strongly enough to memorialize are deeply personal, and not worth sharing with the prying public. However I suppose as a sort of therapy, I'm laying down all of my irrational thoughts and fears today in the hopes of someone reading them and giving me the swift kick in the ass I may have needed for a good long while.
Ironically, the biggest fear I feel right now has only really pierced my mind this morning. I have an endocrine disorder that royally messes with my body. One of the marked statistics of this particular disorder is that I have five times the likelihood of having heart disease, and seven times the likelihood to develop cancer over the course of my life.
Since I was diagnosed I haven't given this much thought at all. I'm 26, perfectly healthy (well...okay, reasonably healthy) and as far as I know, there's never been a single case of cancer within my known immediate family. However, while I find myself deep in the throes of christmastime panic and depression often associated with the holidays, I keep coming back to this fact, over and over and over again. It's irrational, unnecessary and ludicrous. And yet, as much as I am loathe to share it with you, I'm absolutely, completely terrified. Seven times the chance....seven times. I realize that this is still a rather low statistic, but it's enough to make me lose sleep at night. There's no reason for it. None. Also, as much as I want to downplay this disease, I know that it can be rather severe. It came as a relief to me knowing that all of the other mental and physical maladies I've had throughout the years have a strong link to my disease, which is not treatable, but manageable. So as it turns out, I may not be so crazy, after all. I'm just in a state of perma-PMS. Oh happy day!
Forgive my unfounded ramblings, I'm more than certain I've just been down in the dumps due to inevitable holiday stress. This is my least favorite time of the year by a huge margin. I'm holding out for Spring.
Maybe things will be better then.
Ironically, the biggest fear I feel right now has only really pierced my mind this morning. I have an endocrine disorder that royally messes with my body. One of the marked statistics of this particular disorder is that I have five times the likelihood of having heart disease, and seven times the likelihood to develop cancer over the course of my life.
Since I was diagnosed I haven't given this much thought at all. I'm 26, perfectly healthy (well...okay, reasonably healthy) and as far as I know, there's never been a single case of cancer within my known immediate family. However, while I find myself deep in the throes of christmastime panic and depression often associated with the holidays, I keep coming back to this fact, over and over and over again. It's irrational, unnecessary and ludicrous. And yet, as much as I am loathe to share it with you, I'm absolutely, completely terrified. Seven times the chance....seven times. I realize that this is still a rather low statistic, but it's enough to make me lose sleep at night. There's no reason for it. None. Also, as much as I want to downplay this disease, I know that it can be rather severe. It came as a relief to me knowing that all of the other mental and physical maladies I've had throughout the years have a strong link to my disease, which is not treatable, but manageable. So as it turns out, I may not be so crazy, after all. I'm just in a state of perma-PMS. Oh happy day!
Forgive my unfounded ramblings, I'm more than certain I've just been down in the dumps due to inevitable holiday stress. This is my least favorite time of the year by a huge margin. I'm holding out for Spring.
Maybe things will be better then.