A Peace of Home
Every movie has a themesong-soundtrack-melody-Idon'tknowwhatit'scalled-thing. A reoccurring motif that sticks with it through thick and thin, through the good and the bad. A motif that can be played soulfully, whimsically, intensely, sorrowfully, across a wide range of emotion. It can be played in a hundred thousand different ways, but it's consistent in that it will always be there. I don't know if people have have theme songs, because life is so much complex than a movie, but as of today, right now, if it's possible, I think I've found mine. Or at least, the theme song that I'd like to have, the kind of person I'd like to be.
I love the melody (and the short is freaking amazing too, but that is beside the point). It just keeps going and going, and it doesn't let anything stop it. It's got so much momentum you feel like it could go on forever, and yet it makes everything seem effortless. It knows where it's going, and what it's doing, and it makes it seem easy. I envy that. LIfe isn't that easy, but it makes me kind of wish.
I kind of can't stop listening to it. It makes me happy.
Wongfu's artistic shorts never cease to amaze me. I'm writing a script for scriptwriting, and it's made me appreciate their films so much more. It's only after you try something for yourself that you learn to really really appreciate the people who can do it well. Which is why I will never appreciate football.
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Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living, but I feel like the over-examined life is not worth living either. I feel like I think about this subject too much, but... friendship.
There are a lot of people who I'll be able to keep in touch with next year but there are are few people who I'll have to go the extra distance to hang out with, just because they're not living near me. And the old Jessica would have just let those ties drift because she didn't know how to keep them. But now I know how, but I don't know if I should.
Because I can't hang onto everyone forever. And life moves on. And though looking ahead and anticipating this drifting is really difficult and sad, in retrospect, I know won't really really care about the people I've lost touch with (well, I will, but it won't be an every day constant regret or anything), and life will just move on as happily or unhappily as it was meant to be. And I'll be okay.
The friends I make are so based on luck. Yes, within Miller Hall, within Monta Vista, within UCD badminton club, I had choices. And out of those, I made friends that I had the most in common with. But every high school, grade level, university, dorm, even floor level, is like its own microcosm, and the sheer influence on luck that landed me right here right now in this microcosm instead of that microcosm is so overwhelming sometimes I am convinced that inborn character is pretty irrelevant, and we are just all black boxes responding to stimuli. Or maybe I just believe in the adaptiveness of the human spirit and nestles and strives to make itself home wherever it is thrown.
So it's like, do I let luck throw friends at me because I know that within the pickings that fortune gives me, I'll be able to find happiness? Or do I become more ambitious, and go out and actively keep the old friends that I once had reason to like, because I know that without the effort, we'll surely drift? It seems like a lot of work. On one hand, it's kind of an appealing concept, to pretend I have control of my life and friends and relationships. To not just blindly trust that the winds of fortune will bring me where I need to be. On the other hand, luck and whim blow a lot of cool things my way, and to not take advantage of that door of opportunity seems almost like... not living.
I think I think too much.
How do you spell Jessica? S-I-L-L-Y. That's right.
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Life Update:
Academics are... academics. Work work work work work. This is harder than high school but I will rise to the challenge. I kind of missed up the second midterms (though I did pretty well on the first round). Time to start studying for finals 2 weeks before they happen, because this is the way college is, and chem and physics finals are a mere few hours apart on the first day of finals.
Bug lab is cool. Some undergrads from Vanderbilt came on a paid summer internship, which means I don't get to do cool things like mating trials anymore, and I'm just stuck doing maintenance. Which, well, kind of makes sense because they're there everyday, and though they've only been here for a few weeks, they have more sheer hours and experience than me and the other UCD undergrads, who have just been volunteering for a few hours every week.
Fall Quarter was about making simple friends so we weren't all antisocial. Winter Quarter was about getting more comfortable and knowing the community of Davis. Making more friendly acquaintances like networking for some semblance of stability. This quarter is kind of turning into a clique. So much drama. I'm ready for finals to be over, and cool summer things in Tino to start.
-
I just went through my email trying to salvage the random academic essays that I wrote this year. I lost a bunch when I accidentally wiped my computer for Linux for the second time without backing up my files. I'm not very good at saving things. Online is pretty much the only thing that's safe. I mean, who keeps their essays from high school right? I didn't really think twice about deleting them, but now I wish I still had them. Oh well.
Click to viewI love the melody (and the short is freaking amazing too, but that is beside the point). It just keeps going and going, and it doesn't let anything stop it. It's got so much momentum you feel like it could go on forever, and yet it makes everything seem effortless. It knows where it's going, and what it's doing, and it makes it seem easy. I envy that. LIfe isn't that easy, but it makes me kind of wish.
I kind of can't stop listening to it. It makes me happy.
Wongfu's artistic shorts never cease to amaze me. I'm writing a script for scriptwriting, and it's made me appreciate their films so much more. It's only after you try something for yourself that you learn to really really appreciate the people who can do it well. Which is why I will never appreciate football.
-
Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living, but I feel like the over-examined life is not worth living either. I feel like I think about this subject too much, but... friendship.
There are a lot of people who I'll be able to keep in touch with next year but there are are few people who I'll have to go the extra distance to hang out with, just because they're not living near me. And the old Jessica would have just let those ties drift because she didn't know how to keep them. But now I know how, but I don't know if I should.
Because I can't hang onto everyone forever. And life moves on. And though looking ahead and anticipating this drifting is really difficult and sad, in retrospect, I know won't really really care about the people I've lost touch with (well, I will, but it won't be an every day constant regret or anything), and life will just move on as happily or unhappily as it was meant to be. And I'll be okay.
The friends I make are so based on luck. Yes, within Miller Hall, within Monta Vista, within UCD badminton club, I had choices. And out of those, I made friends that I had the most in common with. But every high school, grade level, university, dorm, even floor level, is like its own microcosm, and the sheer influence on luck that landed me right here right now in this microcosm instead of that microcosm is so overwhelming sometimes I am convinced that inborn character is pretty irrelevant, and we are just all black boxes responding to stimuli. Or maybe I just believe in the adaptiveness of the human spirit and nestles and strives to make itself home wherever it is thrown.
So it's like, do I let luck throw friends at me because I know that within the pickings that fortune gives me, I'll be able to find happiness? Or do I become more ambitious, and go out and actively keep the old friends that I once had reason to like, because I know that without the effort, we'll surely drift? It seems like a lot of work. On one hand, it's kind of an appealing concept, to pretend I have control of my life and friends and relationships. To not just blindly trust that the winds of fortune will bring me where I need to be. On the other hand, luck and whim blow a lot of cool things my way, and to not take advantage of that door of opportunity seems almost like... not living.
I think I think too much.
How do you spell Jessica? S-I-L-L-Y. That's right.
-
Life Update:
Academics are... academics. Work work work work work. This is harder than high school but I will rise to the challenge. I kind of missed up the second midterms (though I did pretty well on the first round). Time to start studying for finals 2 weeks before they happen, because this is the way college is, and chem and physics finals are a mere few hours apart on the first day of finals.
Bug lab is cool. Some undergrads from Vanderbilt came on a paid summer internship, which means I don't get to do cool things like mating trials anymore, and I'm just stuck doing maintenance. Which, well, kind of makes sense because they're there everyday, and though they've only been here for a few weeks, they have more sheer hours and experience than me and the other UCD undergrads, who have just been volunteering for a few hours every week.
Fall Quarter was about making simple friends so we weren't all antisocial. Winter Quarter was about getting more comfortable and knowing the community of Davis. Making more friendly acquaintances like networking for some semblance of stability. This quarter is kind of turning into a clique. So much drama. I'm ready for finals to be over, and cool summer things in Tino to start.
-
I just went through my email trying to salvage the random academic essays that I wrote this year. I lost a bunch when I accidentally wiped my computer for Linux for the second time without backing up my files. I'm not very good at saving things. Online is pretty much the only thing that's safe. I mean, who keeps their essays from high school right? I didn't really think twice about deleting them, but now I wish I still had them. Oh well.