Value of Life as lim of t approaches 0?

[likkledibbun]

I spent the past two days literally doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and cramming for math.

Never have I ever studied so intensively for a test. Except maybe SAT's. Two days. Seriously? That kind of creeps me out. I don't even know how I did it, except out of pure desperation.

I'm not sure if it was worth it.

I finished in half the time that was given. I used the other half of the time to basically redo my entire test by checking over every single possible question in the packet.

I am pretty reasonably sure that I aced that final like I have never aced a math final ever before.

And yet, I walked out of the the feeling so exhausted that I couldn't even summon up any reason to be happy.

On one hand:

• Studying definitely helped. Immensely. Some of my math buddies (who are about as good as math as I am) didn't cram as much as me, and really really struggled on the test. (I quote: ".... assrape with a spiked poison-tipped mace, 15 ft in diameter. it was lubed with liquid oxygen, but not for long because it was lit on fire.and then each of us took turns getting spun around at least 6000000000rpmoh yeah, and the parts of us that fly off while spinning? sumo-glued and duct taped back onto us") Honestly? I thought it went pretty well.
• I've kind of already forgotten about the pain and suffering and agony of the last few days. Now, I'm pretty sure I have a decent math grade, and I am back to being happy bouncy ol' me. Having a short attention span means I erase the past almost instantly, and few negative things really stay with me in the long run. So it doesn't matter if I die while studying, when I'll forget it about the moment this week is over.
• Life is hard. People have to study to get good grades. And aren't I glad that my grade is based on effort instead of just pure IQ? That hard work, more or less, pays off?

On the other hand:

• Certain people in my dorm sleep through all their lectures and spend every night playing starcraft. And while, yes, they probably study a little, I am reasonably sure they do not cram as hard as me. But I'm still the one running to them with questions. And I know they're still going to end up with amazing grades because they are just magical like that. I don't know how I can even compete like that. Once they really really start trying. Oh man.
• This is stuff I already learned before. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN THEY START COVERING NEW MATERIAL!? (I guess it'll be okay, because this stuff is also review for 99% of the class, and I still have a pretty awesomely high A.) I am not brilliant enough for this.

The fact that finals are worth so much more in college freaks me out. The fact that everything is worth so much more in college freaks me out. I can't disappoint. I can't get a B. Heck, I shouldn't even get an A- because even that will bring down my GPA. But I don't know if I'm brilliant enough even with my best when I couldn't even ever get a 4.0 in high school.

My life. I will worry about it next quarter. I can't believe I'm done with my first college finals.