The clue stick
This happens so often, I'm starting to prepare for it. Starting to? Shit. I told Jason about this a few weeks ago and he told me to start carrying a stick for self defense in the woods, because this happens so fucking frequently. The woods are full of moronic dog owners who either don't realize their dogs are untrained or don't think this is a problem. Hence the clue stick. I will deliver, with all necessary force, all clues necessary using the hip high length of tree branch I found on a walk. But today, I had another one. It starts like this often: they ask, is your dog friendly? And I need to start looking at that person and that dog before I answer, because this happens. The dog is straining at the leash. The owner has no goddamned clue. I need to start saying, really? Is that the question you want answered? Because yes, my dog is unaggressive. You might call him friendly, though actually he's pretty disinterested in everything that isn't me, my husband, a ball, or a stick. Everything else can go fuck itself, but in a friendly way. Now me? I'm the asshole with the clue stick. So ask yourself, is your dog friendly? Because if he jumps on my totally friendly dog here who wants nothing else but to chase this other stick into the river as many times as I'll throw it, I will beat your dog's face in. I am not friendly to people who are not my friends.
I walk past countless dogs who are off leash, and they don't give me a moment's trouble. They engage in their greetings with my dog, they piss on things, they move on. We give dogs on leash a wide berth when we pass on the sidewalk. But the next fat chihuahua who comes running at me, full tilt and trailing a leash, I will bat into traffic. I have spent the whole walk home having violent revenge fantasies because of one clueless fucker in the woods and his stupid, untrained bitch pup. I already woke panicked like I do every goddamned morning, then did paperwork that wound me up some more, the second time I'm having to do SSDI paperwork, and then I walked hoping that would relax me but instead, this guy. I need to deploy that stick more. Deploy early, deploy often.
I walk past countless dogs who are off leash, and they don't give me a moment's trouble. They engage in their greetings with my dog, they piss on things, they move on. We give dogs on leash a wide berth when we pass on the sidewalk. But the next fat chihuahua who comes running at me, full tilt and trailing a leash, I will bat into traffic. I have spent the whole walk home having violent revenge fantasies because of one clueless fucker in the woods and his stupid, untrained bitch pup. I already woke panicked like I do every goddamned morning, then did paperwork that wound me up some more, the second time I'm having to do SSDI paperwork, and then I walked hoping that would relax me but instead, this guy. I need to deploy that stick more. Deploy early, deploy often.