Update
I haven't written here in days. Let me see what I remember.
Earlier this week, there was a patch where I started figuring out that items I've completed and can see written down with a line through them are more satisfying. I might have to stroke myself just as much as it takes to format my to-do items with a strikethrough after I do them, and not delete them til some later point, because I need to see stacks of things that are done, not for them to fall off the earth like being a cashier or counting sheep.
Been up and down, frankly. This morning started with terrible back pain. Just one side, feels intracostal mostly but maybe also the erectors. Took the max dose of ibuprofen, walked the dog, meditated. I'm doing a standing meditation that Jason calls four gates breathing, about ten minutes at a time, at least a couple times a day. It's doing me a lot of good. Left side proprioception is still not great but at times I have it and it's great. More of that, please.
I described a glimmer of consciousness before dissociation in conditions that would usually freak me right the fuck out, and how it immediately precedes the dissociation I was just congratulating myself for having somehow avoided, in that moment in which (I think) I'm present. Jason says I can expand that moment. He says slower is faster. He says a lot of crazy shit that I take on faith except when I haven't got any.
This week I will see Lee on Thursday, after I see Jason, and he will treat me for demon possession with his acupuncture needles. I've been anticipating this for about a month, now.
I've gotten a lot of writing done, and cooking and editing, too. Even cleaning a little. Everything goes on one to-do list and that works better than multiple lists. This weekend I have a deadline to write to for the NYT contest, and something in to an editor, and been editing, myself. I was able to answer a friend who asked me what I'm doing in my career right now, to say I'm writing for more markets and planning an e-book. I had a meeting last week with someone who wants to write for the GMP and who I can probably write for, too, who works in reproductive choice with churches. I'm not making any money yet, but I just bought $50 worth of my friends' books. Karma.
I'm going to go make some food now. Later, if I care, I will go through my calendar and try to draw in my last ten or so days.
Earlier this week, there was a patch where I started figuring out that items I've completed and can see written down with a line through them are more satisfying. I might have to stroke myself just as much as it takes to format my to-do items with a strikethrough after I do them, and not delete them til some later point, because I need to see stacks of things that are done, not for them to fall off the earth like being a cashier or counting sheep.
Been up and down, frankly. This morning started with terrible back pain. Just one side, feels intracostal mostly but maybe also the erectors. Took the max dose of ibuprofen, walked the dog, meditated. I'm doing a standing meditation that Jason calls four gates breathing, about ten minutes at a time, at least a couple times a day. It's doing me a lot of good. Left side proprioception is still not great but at times I have it and it's great. More of that, please.
I described a glimmer of consciousness before dissociation in conditions that would usually freak me right the fuck out, and how it immediately precedes the dissociation I was just congratulating myself for having somehow avoided, in that moment in which (I think) I'm present. Jason says I can expand that moment. He says slower is faster. He says a lot of crazy shit that I take on faith except when I haven't got any.
This week I will see Lee on Thursday, after I see Jason, and he will treat me for demon possession with his acupuncture needles. I've been anticipating this for about a month, now.
I've gotten a lot of writing done, and cooking and editing, too. Even cleaning a little. Everything goes on one to-do list and that works better than multiple lists. This weekend I have a deadline to write to for the NYT contest, and something in to an editor, and been editing, myself. I was able to answer a friend who asked me what I'm doing in my career right now, to say I'm writing for more markets and planning an e-book. I had a meeting last week with someone who wants to write for the GMP and who I can probably write for, too, who works in reproductive choice with churches. I'm not making any money yet, but I just bought $50 worth of my friends' books. Karma.
I'm going to go make some food now. Later, if I care, I will go through my calendar and try to draw in my last ten or so days.