State of the Union. The Union being my family.
The state of my family makes me really sad. Being away from them, and not really talking too much over 4 months has opened my eyes, being home. We'll go down the line. Starting with the oldest.
My father. He's a really smart man, and I look up to him tremendously (sp?). He works very hard at his job, and has been dedicated to this company for 30 years. They've pretty much given him the shaft over the years, but all in all, I would say in his career he's been sucessful. It's life away from work that makes me sad for him. When he's home he's always still working. His home and work lives are the same, they are intertwined and he's very easily distracted back to work when he's home. Other than doing the dishes and a few tasks around the house, my dad doesn't really do much. He leaves most of it to my mom. Laundry, dinner, groceries, almost all shopping, house calls for things to get fixed, anything my brother has to do, even HIS dry cleaning.
That brings me to my mom. Since she took this new job working full time instead of half time, she's been a really depressing person. Always talking about what needs to get done and how she never has time because she's always so busy at work. Her self esteem is gone and all she can think about is work. Friday night she was stressing about going back to work on Monday because she has so much to do before the holidays hit full force. Its not that I don't believe her when she says that she's swamped all the time at work, but complaining about it at home doesn't make it do itself. Man, if only homework worked that way...right? This is getting hard to explain. I guess it makes sense to say that my mom is always on edge. She says things with a tone in her voice that makes her sound like she could care less. Before we went back to school she was really sad that I was leaving, she even cried. And then when I get home she doesn't have time to do anything with me. She doesn't take the time to do what needs to be done. Because there is time in the day to be an effective person. She just dwells on what can't be done at the moment instead of using that time to get something done so when that bigger thing comes along she has the time to do it. I hope this is making sense. Because of the state of GM, my mom has to keep this job for now. Because of me and my brother and college and the house and the cottage and everything, she has to keep this job that she hates. And that kills me, but there is only so much everyone can do, you know? This is going nowhere, I know what I want to say, and I see it in my mom all the time...but the emotions in me are lost in words.
I guess I'll move on to my brother. He is by far the most depressing 15 year old boy I know. To sum him up in a sentence, he cares about NOTHING. He doesn't really get great grades in school. I know that when I did poorly, I felt like I let myself down, but he just doesn't care. When he gets home from school he just sits in front of the tv or plays computer games until my family gets home from work. He doesn't care about doing homework, if he even remembers, he doesn't care about anything. If he does something worth punishment from my parents, he doesn't care because he's "not afraid of them." They treaten to take bowling away, the only thing as far as I know that he cares about even a little bit, and he threatens right back to throw his bowling ball into the wall. And the sad part is? I know he would do it. He's just destructive, bouncing things off the walls in the basement and being careless. He just doesn't care...and that makes me soooooo sad.
My family doesn't communicate, and the overall mood in our house is nothing short of flat and unmotivated. I worked really hard this summer and into this semester to be an effective person myself, and I feel like I've done a good job of it. This is all going to sound really stuck up, but whatever, it's my journal. I feel like I'm a better person all around. I can handle more. Working at Dart taught me a lot about working with other people in new environments. I'm more confident in my abilities. Broomball has given me a sense of responsibility and purpose for a larger group. Working at the front desk has helped me be more level headed around all different kinds of people, and given me a sense of balance between classes, work and down time. Something that I was having a hard time with last year. When I come home the mood of the house just drags me down. I can feel it. And I really don't like it.
Moving on...grades aren't posted and it's freaking me out. I know it's only been two days since finals ended, but I wanna know! Materials went better than I expected. And other than completely skipping a question on my statics exam, I felt that went well also. Or at least I really hope so. But I have a good chance of doing well in that class without a good final grade. Institutions only took 30 minutes, so that could go either way. And as far as calc goes? Well...thinking about it kinda makes me want to throw up and then cry. It was bad. In fact there is a slim chance I will fail the class. That would suck the most I think. Oh, but the good news? I passed bowling, whew, I was worried about that one. But because I passed that class I can breath and sleep at night.
Being home so far has been a trip in itself. Friday night my mom made a nice dinner for me and Megh. Then Megh and I went for coffee at Beaners with Kailen. I'm glad that for once a school person got to meet a home person. And when Katie comes out she has to meet everyone, hopefully. Saturday morning John was closer to Lansing than expected, so I waited with Megh until he got here. Then lunch with the family, Nik couldn't come, because he was sick, but seeing as that's probably my fault...it was all ok. Shopping with my mommy, which was nice...I finished most of my Christmas shopping in one trip and got some new clothes for the Megh's wedding and party, and just because my mommy loves me. It was nice. Time with my sick tiger before a really fun dinner with some family friends. The adults drank a lot, it was funny.
Today was a nice lazy day. I washed my car. A clean car is a happy car, as my dad says. And really it just makes me happy, because my maroon car was pretty much white with salt, and you think I'm exagerating (sp?), it was white. Beaners and the mall with Monica. What an adventure. People in large groups like that make me so neverous. I don't know if that's because Houghton is so calm, or if I'm just freaking out about Christmas or what...but the mall made me anxious. Strange, I know.
Good news! My family has decided to set up my mom and gram's small plastic tree instead of getting a real one. Its so close to Christmas to get one just to set it up and take it down in less than two weeks. I really have no desire for a real tree. Call me a scrooge, I don't care, the season just didn't hit me like other years. So we are having a tree, just a really small fake one. From 30 years ago, when they invented plastic, and China started exporting everything that Americans just eat up. Ah, how I love it.
I guess that's about all.
Monday: Finish Christmas shopping.
Tuesday: Hang with grams? Schweety arrives. (Yeah...I forgot her at school, probably the most important thing, and I left her on my bed. Thank goodness my roommate loves me.)
Wednesday: Mono check up with Dr. Spaulding, something that should take 10 minutes but will take me over an hour, rock on.
Thursday: Hanging with friends and doing gifts?
Friday: Dentist appt, dreading it.
Saturday: Christmas Eve Breakfast, by far my favorite, favorite, favorite part of this season. Then dinner with my mom's side of the family.
Sunday: Christmas with my family and grams. Lounging around.
All in all a pretty good week coming up. Love me, call me. Merry Christmas.
My father. He's a really smart man, and I look up to him tremendously (sp?). He works very hard at his job, and has been dedicated to this company for 30 years. They've pretty much given him the shaft over the years, but all in all, I would say in his career he's been sucessful. It's life away from work that makes me sad for him. When he's home he's always still working. His home and work lives are the same, they are intertwined and he's very easily distracted back to work when he's home. Other than doing the dishes and a few tasks around the house, my dad doesn't really do much. He leaves most of it to my mom. Laundry, dinner, groceries, almost all shopping, house calls for things to get fixed, anything my brother has to do, even HIS dry cleaning.
That brings me to my mom. Since she took this new job working full time instead of half time, she's been a really depressing person. Always talking about what needs to get done and how she never has time because she's always so busy at work. Her self esteem is gone and all she can think about is work. Friday night she was stressing about going back to work on Monday because she has so much to do before the holidays hit full force. Its not that I don't believe her when she says that she's swamped all the time at work, but complaining about it at home doesn't make it do itself. Man, if only homework worked that way...right? This is getting hard to explain. I guess it makes sense to say that my mom is always on edge. She says things with a tone in her voice that makes her sound like she could care less. Before we went back to school she was really sad that I was leaving, she even cried. And then when I get home she doesn't have time to do anything with me. She doesn't take the time to do what needs to be done. Because there is time in the day to be an effective person. She just dwells on what can't be done at the moment instead of using that time to get something done so when that bigger thing comes along she has the time to do it. I hope this is making sense. Because of the state of GM, my mom has to keep this job for now. Because of me and my brother and college and the house and the cottage and everything, she has to keep this job that she hates. And that kills me, but there is only so much everyone can do, you know? This is going nowhere, I know what I want to say, and I see it in my mom all the time...but the emotions in me are lost in words.
I guess I'll move on to my brother. He is by far the most depressing 15 year old boy I know. To sum him up in a sentence, he cares about NOTHING. He doesn't really get great grades in school. I know that when I did poorly, I felt like I let myself down, but he just doesn't care. When he gets home from school he just sits in front of the tv or plays computer games until my family gets home from work. He doesn't care about doing homework, if he even remembers, he doesn't care about anything. If he does something worth punishment from my parents, he doesn't care because he's "not afraid of them." They treaten to take bowling away, the only thing as far as I know that he cares about even a little bit, and he threatens right back to throw his bowling ball into the wall. And the sad part is? I know he would do it. He's just destructive, bouncing things off the walls in the basement and being careless. He just doesn't care...and that makes me soooooo sad.
My family doesn't communicate, and the overall mood in our house is nothing short of flat and unmotivated. I worked really hard this summer and into this semester to be an effective person myself, and I feel like I've done a good job of it. This is all going to sound really stuck up, but whatever, it's my journal. I feel like I'm a better person all around. I can handle more. Working at Dart taught me a lot about working with other people in new environments. I'm more confident in my abilities. Broomball has given me a sense of responsibility and purpose for a larger group. Working at the front desk has helped me be more level headed around all different kinds of people, and given me a sense of balance between classes, work and down time. Something that I was having a hard time with last year. When I come home the mood of the house just drags me down. I can feel it. And I really don't like it.
Moving on...grades aren't posted and it's freaking me out. I know it's only been two days since finals ended, but I wanna know! Materials went better than I expected. And other than completely skipping a question on my statics exam, I felt that went well also. Or at least I really hope so. But I have a good chance of doing well in that class without a good final grade. Institutions only took 30 minutes, so that could go either way. And as far as calc goes? Well...thinking about it kinda makes me want to throw up and then cry. It was bad. In fact there is a slim chance I will fail the class. That would suck the most I think. Oh, but the good news? I passed bowling, whew, I was worried about that one. But because I passed that class I can breath and sleep at night.
Being home so far has been a trip in itself. Friday night my mom made a nice dinner for me and Megh. Then Megh and I went for coffee at Beaners with Kailen. I'm glad that for once a school person got to meet a home person. And when Katie comes out she has to meet everyone, hopefully. Saturday morning John was closer to Lansing than expected, so I waited with Megh until he got here. Then lunch with the family, Nik couldn't come, because he was sick, but seeing as that's probably my fault...it was all ok. Shopping with my mommy, which was nice...I finished most of my Christmas shopping in one trip and got some new clothes for the Megh's wedding and party, and just because my mommy loves me. It was nice. Time with my sick tiger before a really fun dinner with some family friends. The adults drank a lot, it was funny.
Today was a nice lazy day. I washed my car. A clean car is a happy car, as my dad says. And really it just makes me happy, because my maroon car was pretty much white with salt, and you think I'm exagerating (sp?), it was white. Beaners and the mall with Monica. What an adventure. People in large groups like that make me so neverous. I don't know if that's because Houghton is so calm, or if I'm just freaking out about Christmas or what...but the mall made me anxious. Strange, I know.
Good news! My family has decided to set up my mom and gram's small plastic tree instead of getting a real one. Its so close to Christmas to get one just to set it up and take it down in less than two weeks. I really have no desire for a real tree. Call me a scrooge, I don't care, the season just didn't hit me like other years. So we are having a tree, just a really small fake one. From 30 years ago, when they invented plastic, and China started exporting everything that Americans just eat up. Ah, how I love it.
I guess that's about all.
Monday: Finish Christmas shopping.
Tuesday: Hang with grams? Schweety arrives. (Yeah...I forgot her at school, probably the most important thing, and I left her on my bed. Thank goodness my roommate loves me.)
Wednesday: Mono check up with Dr. Spaulding, something that should take 10 minutes but will take me over an hour, rock on.
Thursday: Hanging with friends and doing gifts?
Friday: Dentist appt, dreading it.
Saturday: Christmas Eve Breakfast, by far my favorite, favorite, favorite part of this season. Then dinner with my mom's side of the family.
Sunday: Christmas with my family and grams. Lounging around.
All in all a pretty good week coming up. Love me, call me. Merry Christmas.