Ode to a Grecian Formula Part 3
I felt bad, I really did. Having Rodney dragged to the brig wasn’t one of my finest moments. And dragged was the operative word. Dragged kicking, yelling, and all but foaming at the mouth. That wasn’t what bothered me. Hell, subtract the dragging part and that was Rodney nearly every minute of every day.
No, it was the look in his eye. The nakedly vulnerable, absolutely terrified look. Maybe he thought it was hidden behind the bluster and cursing, but it wasn’t.
It was crazy of course. There was no logical reason to think anything would happen to me because it was my birthday. Don’t get me wrong…I understood why he would be hung up on the idea. If the situation had been reversed, I would’ve thought the same thing. I just would’ve handled it a little differently. I think. But that didn’t change the fact that when he disappeared out the door yelling about goats, my ancestors, and a sexual position seen only in the Karma Sutra, I felt like utter shit.
I continued to feel like shit as I discovered my clothes shoved under the bed and geared up. I walked to the jumper bay and watched as Radek finished up with the jumper and the shittiness followed me like a shadow. I tried to banish it with outrage. I mean, damn, he locked me in a closet. A goddamn closet. Irony and imprisonment, it wasn’t a good mix. He could’ve been a little more logical about things and come with me, but no. The most brilliant man on Atlantis and he regressed to a five year old. It was ridiculous and selfish and….
And he had dark circles from sleepless nights. He was popping aspirin like Pez and had abandoned the lab for almost a week to keep me literally in sight at all times. At night he wrapped himself around me and didn’t let go until morning. I guess not sleeping made that easy. Yeah, he was selfish…for wanting to keep me alive. I had the same selfishness and the ability to lose my head in precisely the same way.
God, I was a shit. But I was a shit with responsibility. I had to do what I had to do, even if I wasn’t John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, or Steve McQueen. I might not like. In fact, I might hate it and myself, but I had to do it.
"Ah, you are here." Radek lifted his head from beneath the console as I walked in. "I lose fifty dollars to Kavanagh." He shook his head, sighed, and stuck his head back under. "I am disappointed in Rodney. He is deviousness incarnate. He is Machiavelli of mechanics, momentum, and multiverses. I am surprised you are not tied to bed and not in good way."
I folded my arms and leaned against the chair. I tried not to feel defensive, but it came out that way nonetheless. "I have to go. It’s Lorne and his team. It’s my job. It’s my responsibility."
"Yes, responsibility. You do have much responsibility." He crawled out and stood, disapproving eyes gazing at me from behind his glasses. "I thought you knew that."
Hell, I did know that. Better than Dr. Z did. Shit, what the fuck was I doing? "Yeah, I know." I rubbed a hand across my face. "I know."
"I expect better of you, Colonel. Rodney is pain in ass." He put up his tools carefully. "Huge, massive, galactic sized pain in ass." He demonstrated the breadth of McKay assness by flinging his arms wide as if measuring the world’s largest fish. "I know this, but he is Rodney. Our Rodney and while he normally is crazy, this time he has good reason."
Yet another thing I knew. I’d been telling that myself every minute since I’d called security. I’d repeated it with every step I took towards the jumper bay, and it had been screaming at me from the back of my mind loudly enough to make my head hurt.
Ah, Jesus. Maybe I was being selfish myself. More than selfish. I wasn’t irreplaceable in the scheme of things-except to Rodney. He would tell me I was being a Kirk and he’d be right. He’d point to that damn Picard bobblehead he’d put on our desk and say, pay attention for God’s sake. He said it often enough, but I’d never gotten it.
Not until now.
Fifteen minutes after briefing Bates, who was meaner than ever after his coma and rehab…still my Rottweiler of choice, the pilot, and the rest of the marines, I headed towards our quarters and then the cafeteria.
After that I went to face my fate.
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Part 4