not so christmasy
i just feel sick to my stomach. i am trying to make myself think it's the food...but i think the same thing is finally happening to me that happened a year and a half ago. i'm so emotional and stressed out i can't even eat. make yourself happy and forget everyone else...you're number one. i wish it was that easy. i just know now what the story is and i don't want to face it or deal with it. i've been lying to myself for a while now, and i guess that means i've been lying to everyone else too. which feels pretty bad. which makes my throat tight and my stomach nasty. i just feel like sleeping for a long time. but instead i'll do what i've been doing since august, which is put on my nice face and pretend everything is fine. except i never get to act like it's not, and that's killing me.