Missing scene 1x13. Heart of Gold

[likeswifesoup]

Wash sat in the pilot's seat, one foot resting on the edge of the console, staring out into space. The time helping the whores had given him a lot to think about - and not about the whores themselves. About living a rough lifestyle, and allowing a child to come into the world

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[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe didn't expect for this to go anywhere, just like it never does when she brings up having a baby. Maybe she's wrong about it and he's seeing something she's not. Either way, she's decided not to bring it up again.

Making her way to the bridge, she calls through the door. "Cap says we're goin' to Beaumont so correct course." He'd been gruff and hadn't said why, just asked Zoe to deliver the message.

[likeswifesoup]

"Hmmmm?" Wash had been deep in thought, and hadn't heard Zoe approach. He turned to glance at her, then nodded. "Cap'n say how long he wants us to take?" he asked her.

[bigdamnherosir]

"Weren't much for conversation so I didn't push. I'm goin' to get some food, want somethin'?"

She's not quite looking at him, clearly not planning on actually staying on the bridge longer than she needs to.

[likeswifesoup]

"Yeah, I'm starved," Wash admitted, trying to catch her eye and failing. He knew this time had been a time too far, and it would take her a while to get over the disappointment of him saying no again.

"Zoe..." he said, then stopped. "No, it can wait till later." Not a conversation for the bridge, where anyone could walk in.

[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe goes to the kitchen and makes them both a plate of food. But she sits in the galley, keeping his food close to her so that Jayne won't touch it. She knows he has a course correction to make, and then he'll be in.

She's also almost positive she knows what he wants to talk about. Eating slowly, she doesn't speak to anyone who walks in, and doesn't particularly look at anyone either.

[likeswifesoup]

Wash made the course correction, then went back to the galley, smiling at Zoe before sitting next to her and taking his plate of food.

But he was quieter than normal, a lot to think about, and his mind kept wandering. Kaylee and the Preacher talking about all kinds of hymns might have been interesting to them, but to him it was just noise. Mal looked at Wash and Zoe, both lost in their own worlds, and just shook his head. This was why he didn't like ship-board romances. Arguments spilled out into eatin' areas.

[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe finishes her food, washes her things, then waits on Wash to finish before heading down to their bunk. She's dreading the conversation that's coming. More reasons why not, so she decides to try and head him off.

Once they're alone, she looks at him. "Look. It ain't somethin' we gotta do. I'm happy just us."

[likeswifesoup]

Wash toed his shoes off, then sat cross legged on the bed, looking at her as she spoke. "But you want it," he said simply. That much was obvious.

[bigdamnherosir]

"I ain't gonna ruin us, Wash, 'cause this ain't somethin' I'm gonna bully you into doin'." She undresses, letting out a breath.

She's never in her life backed down from wanting something, but this is Wash. She can't push him away. Not for this, so she'll let it go.

[likeswifesoup]

Wash was silent for a long moment, looking down and picking at a loose thread on the blanket.

He looked up, taking in just how beautiful she was. "What if I said that I've been thinkin' a lot about things?"

[bigdamnherosir]

She's standing in her underwear and a tank top and turns to look at him. She's careful to keep her face passive.

"Like what?"

[likeswifesoup]

He sat thinking, playing with that gorram thread, trying to work out if yes, this was what he really wanted. "About how I'd be the cool dad, the laid back parent an' how much a little baby could look like you, an' have me wrapped around their little finger."

He raised his eyes to meet Zoe's. "That maybe if Petaline can look to bring up a child in a whore house like that, then maybe we... no I, should man up and consider things."

[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe doesn't say anything for a few seconds, and finally she moves to sit, letting out a breath and wetting her lips.

"You sayin' this just 'cause you know it's what I want?"

[likeswifesoup]

"I don't think so?" Wash said, his voice raising slightly at the end. "Maybe if we hadn't seen that kid on the rock I'd think different, but I saw her with her baby, an' then thought about you holdin' our baby..."

He knew he was rambling, and he took a deep breath. "I'm beyond terrified at the thought of this, Zoe. I feel like I ain't ready to be a dad, but..." Maybe, just maybe, deep down there was enough of him that wanted this that he could get past the being scared part.

[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe looks at him and finally she lets out a breath.

"I'm terrified, Wash. Doin' this scares the hell outta me. But I want this baby with you because it's us. It's how much I love you."

She takes his hand, lacing their fingers together.

[likeswifesoup]

Wash sat silently, his hand in hers, thinking. "Then maybe... it's time to take that implant of yours out and see what happens," he said eventually in a voice that was barely above a whisper.