TM #187: Which is the more exquisite sensation: revenge, relief, or vindication?
For the longest time, I'd have picked revenge. Especially in my earlier years as a Slayer. They train you to fight, and to kill, and to even the balance. They show you that all this time, they've been taking some of ours. So what do we do? We stop them. We pre-emptively take as many of theirs as we can. We destroy their armies, and wipe out their numbers before they can build new ones. There's so much aggression in it. And really, there has to be. You have to have that drive, that edge, that will. You have to be ready to take their life, without even thinking about it, 'cause if you don't? They'll take yours, and they definitely won't be thinking about it.
Revenge is like that, I think. It's one track. You don't think. You move with an instinct. Maybe it's taught. Maybe it's something you learned from watching your parents do it to each other, or the kids on the playground. Or maybe it's just something that comes naturally to you. You don't have to be religious to think that an eye for an eye is a fair trade. (Sorry, Xander.) It's good fuel when you're less than inspired. When you don't want to be out hunting down the dark forces of the night. But when they step on your turf, hurt your classmates, your friends, whoever, it becomes personal. So it's a lot easier to destroy them if you care. If they did something to you in the first place. It can't go unpunished. And afterall, someone's told you it's your place - no, it's your job to do the punishing.
I can think of many less instances where I've wanted revenge on a personal basis, no demons involved. Faith comes to mind, and I'm pretty sure that's obvious. But that was also a long time ago. I can't really remember what I thought I'd get out of vengeance on her. But I know that nothing came out of stabbing that knife in to her, except her own blood. And I can't account for her prison time, her own redemption. That's all on her. So in the end, was revenge ever worth it?
Only when it was fuel.
Vindication's a little different, but not much. And it's mostly selfish. Everyone wants to be right. But not everyone can be. In any given situation where two people disagree, someone's gotta be right, and someone's gotta be wrong. And in the end, only one person ends up being justified. Usually by the end of it, by the time you prove yourself, you've been put through way more than it was ever worth. Or you've lost something, respect for others or yourself, or respect from others. Other things. You know, it doesn't really feel as good as people think it does to get to be the one to say 'I told you so'. To be the one who was right all along. Doesn't mean you won by any means. It doesn't mean you can fix anything. It just means that everyone else was wrong about you. And sometimes? That's the least important aspect of what you're dealing with.
It's nice, don't get me wrong. When people finally see the light on their own, the one you couldn't make them see from your own side. But it isn't always the best way. And sometimes it's just the thing that breaks your fall, 'cause you still fall anyway.
So I pick relief. Relief is the only thing that means, at the end of the day, we can rest. Maybe the balance is still tipped. It's all unbalanced, and there are still some things that need punishing. Maybe you're still right about something that everybody thinks you're so wrong about, and you're sleeping in a stranger's bed because you've been kicked out of your own house, and vindication, no matter how sweet and soon, is only gonna mean one Hell of a fight once you're justified. And maybe relief comes in the form of standing over the crater of the town you used to call home, and that was the only way you could save it. By destroying it.
Revenge takes work and it doesn't always work out the way you wanted it to, and vindication takes time and still doesn't necessarily mean you won, but relief means that it's over.
Having been to Heaven, I know that there's nothing better, no greater relief than knowing it's finally over.
Buffy Summers
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
745 Words
Revenge is like that, I think. It's one track. You don't think. You move with an instinct. Maybe it's taught. Maybe it's something you learned from watching your parents do it to each other, or the kids on the playground. Or maybe it's just something that comes naturally to you. You don't have to be religious to think that an eye for an eye is a fair trade. (Sorry, Xander.) It's good fuel when you're less than inspired. When you don't want to be out hunting down the dark forces of the night. But when they step on your turf, hurt your classmates, your friends, whoever, it becomes personal. So it's a lot easier to destroy them if you care. If they did something to you in the first place. It can't go unpunished. And afterall, someone's told you it's your place - no, it's your job to do the punishing.
I can think of many less instances where I've wanted revenge on a personal basis, no demons involved. Faith comes to mind, and I'm pretty sure that's obvious. But that was also a long time ago. I can't really remember what I thought I'd get out of vengeance on her. But I know that nothing came out of stabbing that knife in to her, except her own blood. And I can't account for her prison time, her own redemption. That's all on her. So in the end, was revenge ever worth it?
Only when it was fuel.
Vindication's a little different, but not much. And it's mostly selfish. Everyone wants to be right. But not everyone can be. In any given situation where two people disagree, someone's gotta be right, and someone's gotta be wrong. And in the end, only one person ends up being justified. Usually by the end of it, by the time you prove yourself, you've been put through way more than it was ever worth. Or you've lost something, respect for others or yourself, or respect from others. Other things. You know, it doesn't really feel as good as people think it does to get to be the one to say 'I told you so'. To be the one who was right all along. Doesn't mean you won by any means. It doesn't mean you can fix anything. It just means that everyone else was wrong about you. And sometimes? That's the least important aspect of what you're dealing with.
It's nice, don't get me wrong. When people finally see the light on their own, the one you couldn't make them see from your own side. But it isn't always the best way. And sometimes it's just the thing that breaks your fall, 'cause you still fall anyway.
So I pick relief. Relief is the only thing that means, at the end of the day, we can rest. Maybe the balance is still tipped. It's all unbalanced, and there are still some things that need punishing. Maybe you're still right about something that everybody thinks you're so wrong about, and you're sleeping in a stranger's bed because you've been kicked out of your own house, and vindication, no matter how sweet and soon, is only gonna mean one Hell of a fight once you're justified. And maybe relief comes in the form of standing over the crater of the town you used to call home, and that was the only way you could save it. By destroying it.
Revenge takes work and it doesn't always work out the way you wanted it to, and vindication takes time and still doesn't necessarily mean you won, but relief means that it's over.
Having been to Heaven, I know that there's nothing better, no greater relief than knowing it's finally over.
Buffy Summers
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
745 Words