10 Truths & 1 Lie - You figure it out, 'kay? thetenspot
1.) I've only truly ever been in love with one person. It's not to say I haven't loved other people, 'cause I have. But there has only been one love of my life that has left this unfulfillable kind of void that still haunts me. And probably always will. Part of me is just... always hollow.
2.) I miss California. I feel like it's the only place that's ever really been home to me. I didn't know that I would end up loving Sunnydale as much as I did. I just knew that I had to get out of L.A. what with burning down my school gym and all the other trouble I was causing. (Not that it was my fault I was suddenly the Slayer and I didn't really knew how to handle that.) Anyway, I'm a SoCal girl, born and raised. And I miss it.
3.) Nothing about Dawn could ever make me love her less. I don't care if every memory I have of her before the time she was really with me was fake. I don't care what she really is or what she was really meant to be. They made her human. And they gave her my blood. Sure, it was kind of a big mind trip at first, just trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't. But in the end? I knew two things. She's real now, and I love her. And those are the only two things in the world that matter.
4.) The thing I miss most about the fact that Sunnydale is all subterranean now is the fact that I can't visit my mom's grave anymore, and knowing that she's down there, all alone. Not that she wasn't before, what with being buried six feet under and all. But now she's in a crater, and I think about it sometimes and I... I just can't stand it. It hurts enough that I wasn't there, that I couldn't save her or at least say good-bye. But now there's nothing left of her, not even a stone or her body to go to and just know that she was once here. Something tangible, because some days, I start to forget.
5.) I've died twice.
6.) Sometimes I wish that fatal bullet that killed Tara would have only hit me instead. Warren, his geekboys, they were after me. They were shooting at me. She didn't deserve to die. And what happened to Willow after... You know, what's three times when you've been there twice? And when you're the deserving target? I was stronger. I probably could have survived. I did survive the gunshot wound that day. But if that was the plan, if someone had to die that day to appease the Powers That Be, or the Troika, or who the Hell ever, then I wish it had been me.
7.) I still totally have a lingering crush on Brad Pitt's vampire character in Interview With The Vampire, because everyone knows, I only date vampires, right? So obviously, Brad Pitt + vampire would definitely have to equal Buffy crush. Seeing as everyone knows me so well.
8.) I felt no fear at all when I jumped into the mystical portal to close it and prevent Glory from going back to her dimension by sacrificing Dawn. It wasn't hard, it wasn't scary. It was probably the easiest decision of my life, once I knew what to do. Seeing Dawn cry, it hurt. But I've never felt more peace in my life than the moment I took my little swan dive off that platform. How many people actually figure out their purpose in this life in time to actually get to fulfill it?
9.) I have feelings. I know, this is kinda a shock to most people who think it's totally cool ot make fun of my long-winded speeches, talk about how self righteous I am, criticize me for always doing the wrong thing, write in their entries that I'm the biggest bitch alive just 'cause I called them on their inability to move past their 15 year old behavior, etc. And then they expect me to just be emotionally bulletproof just because I'm tough in other ways. Their own emotional defecits are not my problem.
10.) I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life now that I actually have one, but I'm not ready to give up on my destiny just yet either.
11.) Sometimes I wish I'd never died the first time, so that Kendra had never been called, never been killed, and subsequently, Faith would have never been called. Then she would have never had to come to Sunnydale after completely failing to handle Kakistos, and deciding to stick around, go psycho and then try to destroy my life, kill humans, torment my friends, mess with my boyfriend, and ultimately try to kill me. I had to stab her. I've never hurt a human being, at least not one that wasn't enhanced in some way and trying to hurt other people. She doesn't even know how I feel for having to put a knife into her, and she doesn't even care. I opened my home up to her after she broke out of prison, gave her a second chance. And this is the thanks I get. If I'd never died in the first place, I'd never made that mistake.
2.) I miss California. I feel like it's the only place that's ever really been home to me. I didn't know that I would end up loving Sunnydale as much as I did. I just knew that I had to get out of L.A. what with burning down my school gym and all the other trouble I was causing. (Not that it was my fault I was suddenly the Slayer and I didn't really knew how to handle that.) Anyway, I'm a SoCal girl, born and raised. And I miss it.
3.) Nothing about Dawn could ever make me love her less. I don't care if every memory I have of her before the time she was really with me was fake. I don't care what she really is or what she was really meant to be. They made her human. And they gave her my blood. Sure, it was kind of a big mind trip at first, just trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't. But in the end? I knew two things. She's real now, and I love her. And those are the only two things in the world that matter.
4.) The thing I miss most about the fact that Sunnydale is all subterranean now is the fact that I can't visit my mom's grave anymore, and knowing that she's down there, all alone. Not that she wasn't before, what with being buried six feet under and all. But now she's in a crater, and I think about it sometimes and I... I just can't stand it. It hurts enough that I wasn't there, that I couldn't save her or at least say good-bye. But now there's nothing left of her, not even a stone or her body to go to and just know that she was once here. Something tangible, because some days, I start to forget.
5.) I've died twice.
6.) Sometimes I wish that fatal bullet that killed Tara would have only hit me instead. Warren, his geekboys, they were after me. They were shooting at me. She didn't deserve to die. And what happened to Willow after... You know, what's three times when you've been there twice? And when you're the deserving target? I was stronger. I probably could have survived. I did survive the gunshot wound that day. But if that was the plan, if someone had to die that day to appease the Powers That Be, or the Troika, or who the Hell ever, then I wish it had been me.
7.) I still totally have a lingering crush on Brad Pitt's vampire character in Interview With The Vampire, because everyone knows, I only date vampires, right? So obviously, Brad Pitt + vampire would definitely have to equal Buffy crush. Seeing as everyone knows me so well.
8.) I felt no fear at all when I jumped into the mystical portal to close it and prevent Glory from going back to her dimension by sacrificing Dawn. It wasn't hard, it wasn't scary. It was probably the easiest decision of my life, once I knew what to do. Seeing Dawn cry, it hurt. But I've never felt more peace in my life than the moment I took my little swan dive off that platform. How many people actually figure out their purpose in this life in time to actually get to fulfill it?
9.) I have feelings. I know, this is kinda a shock to most people who think it's totally cool ot make fun of my long-winded speeches, talk about how self righteous I am, criticize me for always doing the wrong thing, write in their entries that I'm the biggest bitch alive just 'cause I called them on their inability to move past their 15 year old behavior, etc. And then they expect me to just be emotionally bulletproof just because I'm tough in other ways. Their own emotional defecits are not my problem.
10.) I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life now that I actually have one, but I'm not ready to give up on my destiny just yet either.
11.) Sometimes I wish I'd never died the first time, so that Kendra had never been called, never been killed, and subsequently, Faith would have never been called. Then she would have never had to come to Sunnydale after completely failing to handle Kakistos, and deciding to stick around, go psycho and then try to destroy my life, kill humans, torment my friends, mess with my boyfriend, and ultimately try to kill me. I had to stab her. I've never hurt a human being, at least not one that wasn't enhanced in some way and trying to hurt other people. She doesn't even know how I feel for having to put a knife into her, and she doesn't even care. I opened my home up to her after she broke out of prison, gave her a second chance. And this is the thanks I get. If I'd never died in the first place, I'd never made that mistake.