(no subject)
if lifes not beautiful with out the pain
well i'd just rather never ever even see beauty again
as life gets longer
awful feels softer
well it feels pretty soft to me.
I left school early today, so my mom and I could discuss schools over lunch and talk to someone who knows a lot about out of state schools.. The possibilities are endless. I get incredibly excited just thinking about leaving here. I have nothing to stay for, the two people I depended on and loved the most have failed me. Catty rumors and accusations have torn us apart. And of course, I'm left to be the victim. I need to get out of here, I'm lucky I have parents who understand this and see this. My mom pulled out a file this morning, a thick pile of information on boarding schools she's been researching for months. It's not that they want me gone, they want me to be happy, to have a future. I don't have a future in this state. I'm more worried about what's happening where and who's doing who and who's talking, it's ridiculous.
It's going to feel great getting away from the backstabbing, the jealousy, the hatred, the animosity, bitterness and resentment. the talk. all the talk. I know it's said that running away from your problems isn't healthy, and rarely does it solve much, but I truly believe this could be the answer. I am suffocating here. I'm trapped in this place with these people. And I'm miserable. I would miss my mom and my dad and my sister. And to be honest, that's mostly it. Not one person here has seized to betray me in some way shape or form. And that's human nature, and I'm sure I've hurt everyone here in some way, at some point. And I'm sorry for that. but I need to get out of here.
I hope this happens. I hope I can leave. I feel strongly about this.
so now I'm going to call the one person I've always been able to trust and love, Alexis M. Gomez.
<3