Anakin's Office, Tuesday Afternoon [NFB]
Leia had kept remarkably calm after Luke had told her the truth about their father. Too calm. Luke didn't need the Force to know what was going through her mind and pleaded with her not to do anything rash, like run off to Fandom to confront Anakin. She'd promised him she was going to do no such thing that night; she needed to go rest and sort things out in her head. Finally recognizing her feelings for Han and then losing him and then finding out Vader's true identity was overwhelming her, she told him.
She waited until morning to book the portal. Her brother was safe and healing, and she couldn't do anything for Han, not until Lando and Chewie reported back. But she could go deal with her father, one version of him at least.
When she reached Fandom, she managed to push all her emotions to the back of her mind. She didn't know how to shield herself, but she could repress the rage and betrayal and fill her mind with mundane, boring things. She didn't want to give Anakin any warning of why she was there as she walked through the town to the school. He didn't deserve that.
If she'd calculated right, it would be Tuesday, and he'd be in his office all day, and it wasn't until she was standing in his doorway that she let go of her hold on her feelings. Drawing her blaster, she snarled, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here."
AnakinAnakin's eyes went wide. "Leia! Because gremlin bites wear off in an hour or so!"
He was caught off-guard and her sudden temper made him reach for the most logical, to him, at least, explanation.
LeiaLeia stepped into the office and kicked the door shut behind her, not taking her eyes off him. "This isn't a gremlin bite, Vader," she spat.
AnakinWell, shit.
"Put the blaster down," Anakin said. "Shooting me won't solve anything."
LeiaShe was actually surprised he hadn't yanked the blaster out of her hand like he'd done to Han, but she didn't lower the weapon.
"You still haven't given me a reason why I shouldn't do it anyway," she said.
Anakin"It's hard to think clearly when your daughter is pointing a weapon at you," Anakin replied. "Put it down. Now."
Leia"Or what, you'll torture me again?" Leia challenged. "Or blow up my home planet? Or maybe just cut my hand off like you did to Luke."
This would've been easier if he had the mask on, but she still had too much anger and betrayal roiling within her to obey.
Anakin"I'm not that person anymore," Anakin said.
And because Alderaan could only be blown up once, but he wasn't stupid enough to say that out loud.
Leia"I didn't think you were that person to begin with," Leia said coldly. Obviously not, because she wouldn't have come to love and trust him if she had.
She did finally lower the blaster, but kept it in her hand, however, not holstering it. "So did you just wake up one morning and decide to stop being evil?" she said bitterly.
AnakinAnakin had known from the moment he'd first seen her that he would have to have this conversation with her, but he was still caught flatfooted and unready.
"It was complicated," he said, then held up a hand. "I know that sounds ridiculous. Your brother--and for me, Rory and my dear friend Aeryn--finally convinced me that I could be something other than what I'd become. No one wants to become what I was."
Leia"Complicated," Leia scoffed. "It certainly felt complicated while you were torturing me on the Death Star. Or freezing Han and using us as bait to get Luke on Bespin. So how exactly did they convince you to stop?"
AnakinHe wasn't that sorry about Han. Anakin still had many, many moments of pettiness.
"Rory threw a zen garden at my head," Anakin replied. "Aeryn used logic and yelling fairly interchangeably. Luke--well, you've met Luke. Once he figured out who I used to be, he wasn't going to take my many, many crimes as a reason for me not turn away from the dark side. He out-stubborned me."
LeiaGiven how soon it was after Leia had admitted her feelings for Han, it would probably be very wise of Anakin not to mention that. Not unless he wanted that blaster aimed at him again.
"What about me?" Leia demanded. "What about the Leia from your world? If you did the same things to her, I hardly imagine she took it well."
And yet she'd named her son after him. She couldn't figure that part out.
Anakin"Not very," Anakin understated. "She didn't talk to me for months, and when she finally came to the island, there was a lot of yelling." He glanced at Liea. "The blaster was new."
LeiaLeia's hand twitched. "She didn't spend a couple years here looking up to you like a father and then find out who you really are, did she?" she said. Somehow that made it all the worse, more of a betrayal than learning Vader's identity right before he'd died.
Anakin"Well, no," Anakin admitted, finding his desk suddenly fascinating.
He was keeping track of that blaster with the Force, though. He didn't want to get shot at today.
"It never seemed like a good time to tell you."
Leia"How could you do that to your own children?" Leia said angrily. "I forgave you for not telling me about Alderaan because that couldn't be changed, but why couldn't you prepare me for this?"
Anakin"How could I possibly prepare you for this?" Anakin asked softly.
LeiaThat wasn't a question she could really answer, because honestly, how could he have? She wouldn't have believed him at first, and then she would have been devastated, like she was now, just without the pain of what he'd done to her and Luke and Han still fresh.
"Did you know?" she said. "Who I was, when you were torturing me?" She didn't ask about Luke; obviously he'd known since he'd told Luke himself he was his father, right after cutting off his hand. Plus the whole hiding in plain sight had never struck her as a brilliant idea.
AnakinAnakin shook his head vigorously. "I didn't know I had a child at all until Luke showed up and blew up the Death Star. I didn't put you together with Padme until Bespin. There was something in your expression that was just so her..."
Leia"That didn't stop you from 'interrogating' me and freezing Han," Leia said, her tone as cold as the carbonite. "Or is that why you suddenly changed your mind about leaving me on Bespin?"
And speaking of Padme.... "What really happened to my mother?"
AnakinOh, if she was pissed now, that story really wasn't going to help him out.
"I don't know exactly how it went for you," Anakin replied quietly. "But for me, I did stop interrogating you once I realized who you were."
He hadn't stopped the Han part, though.
Leia"And just what were you planning on doing if we hadn't gotten away?" Leia demanded. "What were you going to do to me?"
She probably already knew the answer to that.
Anakin"Turn you over to Palpatine," Anakin said, "but I'm sure you know that."
Leia"How it must have rankled you to have Luke and I both slip through your fingers again," Leia said, not at all taking some satisfaction in that.
Anakin"It generally wasn't good for long-term health to displease the Emperor," Anakin replied.
Leia"Well, I can't say I'm sorry that I added to that," Leia said bitterly. "I wish you'd never told Luke so we could go on believing our father was a hero."
Anakin"And let him die instead?" Anakin countered.
Leia"And left him alone instead," Leia said. "Both of us. Oh, but let me guess. You had no choice. Funny, I've been hearing that a lot lately."
Lando's betrayal was far too fresh as well, though she'd let him try to redeem himself by going with Chewie to find Han.
Anakin"Luke blew up the Death Star," Anakin said, "with the last name of Skywalker. He was never going to just fade into the background. The Emperor spent the last twenty years exterminating Jedi--what do you think Luke's options were going to be? Honestly now. Set the rage aside."
Leia"I'm talking about your options, not his," Leia said stiffly.
Seriously, if Obi-Wan was still alive, she would've wanted to have a long talk with him about not changing Luke's last name to keep him better hidden.
Anakin"I was trying to keep Luke alive," Anakin said just as stiffly.
We'll just ignore the part where he threw large chunks of things at him and sliced off his hand, then, shall we?
"If he'd joined me, I thought we would have been strong enough to take down the Emperor."
Anakin: not the brains of the family.
Leia"And then what?" Leia said. "We'd be one big happy family? Ruling the galaxy with iron fists? That I'd just forget what you did to Han and Luke wouldn't mind how you killed Obi-Wan?"
Clearly, she and Jaina were the brains of the family.
Anakin"Well, when I proposed this to Luke, I didn't know about you," Anakin said.
It didn't make that a better plan.
"And Obi-Wan started it."
Not really.
Leia"How could you?" Leia said. Some of the rage had slipped away, but not all, and grief was bubbling up in its wake, much as she didn't want it to show on her face or in her voice. "How could you go from a hero, the Hero With No Fear, to Darth Vader?" She spat out the last two words, not trying to hide that emotion.
She'd had her own brush with the dark side during one of Fandom's many strange weekends, so she had some inkling, but she wanted to hear his explanation.
AnakinHe was quiet for a very long time, staring at the wood grain of his desk like it would provide answers.
"Because I had a vision of your mother dying in childbirth," he finally said softly, "and I was willing to do absolutely anything to stop that from happening."
Leia"That didn't work, did it?" Leia said, but she did feel a pang of sympathy. She knew her son was going to die far too young, and part of her would do anything to prevent that.
AnakinAnakin shook his head. "I was in way over my head and turned to a good friend, the Chancellor of the Republic, and he told me everything I wanted to hear. He, it turns out, was a Sith. It took me decades to trust my decision-making again."
Leia"Palpatine," Leia murmured. She'd only met him once, and that had been more than enough. The power and darkness she'd sensed radiating from him had completely unnerved her, and her skin had crawled when he touched her face.
"I know he's powerful. But how could he convince you to start murdering other Jedi? Children."
AnakinAnakin dropped his gaze again. "Terrible writing At first, I was trying to save the Republic: Palpatine needed to be bought to justice, arrested and sent to trial. Killing him outright went against everything I'd been taught as a Jedi...but then Master Windu died, and everything went to hell."
That wasn't a really an explanation, Anakin.
Leia"There's a big difference between killing him and serving him," Leia pointed out. "Did he force you? Did he control you?"
She wanted him to say yes so very much.
AnakinBut that wouldn't be the truth and lying straight-out was just not in him today.
"Only in the way that the Sith Master always controls the apprentice oh god not dirty," he said softly. "Palpatine said that the dark side energy would help me save Padme."
Because Sith Lords wouldn't lie, right?
"By the time I realized it wouldn't, she was dead and I didn't care very much about anything."
LeiaI've seen fic that says otherwise.
"Did she really die in childbirth?" Leia asked. She could only imagine the pain and grief of losing her, but she also hadn't missed that he'd dodged her earlier question about her mother.
Anakin"That's what I was told," Anakin said, "but I was also told the child--singular--died with her."
Someone was a big dumbass for being the most power Force-sensitive in yada yada whenever for not realizing Padme was having twins.
LeiaThey'd been close in the womb. Very close.
"How proud she would have been of you," Leia said bitterly, still too wounded to not be cruel. She remembered how confused Padme had been that she'd named her son Anakin, though, and now understood some of her hesitation to discuss certain things when her ghost had come to Fandom. She'd known what her husband had done, yet she'd forgive him.
AnakinAnakin flinched hard at that. "Definitely not," he murmured. "She was everything to me. When she was gone...there wasn't a lot of point in fighting what I'd become."
LeiaLeia was trying to come up with a response to that when....
Anakin V2.0Anakin had sensed the familiar Force presence he recognized as his mother's from the second she'd arrived on the island, but the knowledge that she was much younger than he knew her had kept him back; weird enough to have Jaina and Tahiri so much older than he'd expected, much less Ben's existence throwing him off. Those factors had taken some adjustment, but this was different; it was Mom.
He couldn't ignore it any longer when he recognized the very real anger seething in her Force presence, and realized exactly where she was.
And what she must be --
"Sithspawn," he breathed, and made a run for his grandfather's office as fast as he could.
For the first time; that figured, didn't it? It had never occurred to him in anything but the abstract before that he wasn't the only one who had trouble reconciling himself to the man whose name he bore.
He skidded to a halt outside the office and only hesitated for a second before pounding on the door.
Anakin V1.0Anakin restrained himself from beating his head into his desk. "Come in, Anakin."
His aura was buttoned up tightly in the Force, but the way his jaw was set and his eyes were haunted showed this wasn't an easy conversation at all.
LeiaLeia had felt...something as Anakin had reached the door, but she was still untrained in the Force and didn't understand what it was. Not until her father said his name.
She stepped away from the door, turning to stare in no small amount of confusion as he opened it and stepped inside. "Anakin?"
Anakin the YoungerSomewhere, Kam Solusar was probably having an inexplicable moment of feeling sympathy for Anakin Skywalker. In retrospect barging in wasn't the most brilliant thing he could have done, but Anakin Solo didn't do the cautious approach.
"Grandfather," he said with a quick nod as he let himself in and shut the door behind him. "Mom. Hi."
He locked down his own apprehension and tried to look unshaken. Well, he'd just landed himself in the middle of yet another sticky situation, hadn't he?
LeiaMore than he ever could imagine.
Leia's breath caught in her throat as she stared at Anakin (the younger one), unable to form words. She had to look away, hoping he wouldn't be able to read the emotions churning within her, and that her rage and grief about finding out the truth about her father would hide the grief of seeing the son that wasn't even born yet but she knew she'd have to mourn all too soon.
She instead gave Anakin (the older one) a sharp glance. "Does he know?" she said.
There were two questions being asked there -- if he knew his grandfather had been Darth Vader, and if he knew he died young. If he didn't know the latter, she didn't want to say anything to to let that hang over him. The former, however...he should know.
Anakin the Older"I assume that's why he's been avoiding me all of these months, yes," Anakin said, glancing at his grandson with the original icy blue eyes.
Anakin SoloWhich was a reminder that made Anakin flinch; he couldn't help it. Nor could he exactly deny that his grandfather was right.
"You mean, do I know what he was?" He glanced from Leia to Anakin, then back again quickly. "Yeah. I've known all my life."
That came out just a touch more bitterly than he'd meant it to sound, and a quick flash of guilt in the Force would address Anakin's assumption. As for the other question, his lack of an answer might be one in and of itself.
LeiaLeia was going to bitch at Jaina and/or Ben for not letting her know Anakin was on the island now. A little warning would have been nice. But that would come later, when her heart started beating again.
"And yet I named you after him," she murmured, picking up on the bitterness and wondering how she could've given such a burden to her son. "Though right now I couldn't begin to understand why."
Anakin I"Me either," Anakin admitted, being baldly honest.
Anakin IIAnd I'm supposed to? Anakin wanted to say, but didn't.
"You wanted to redeem his name," he spoke up, looking at Leia. "And you said you always had bad associations with the name -- giving it to me was your way of trying to overcome that. And --"
He took a breath and glanced Anakin's way, looking very much like a kid at the moment.
"You wanted a chance to find out what he might have been like otherwise." By placing the burden of living up to that on him. He'd never complained about that part, as much as he'd been clear to Tahiri and Luke that he feared living up to his namesake's reputation, but it always came to mind when he caught himself thinking about it, and it was a heavy load to carry. "Seems to me you've actually got that chance now."
And no, he hadn't forgotten what Jaina and Tahiri had both told him, so he kept looking steadily at his grandfather as he added, "We both do."
Leia"I thought I did know him," Leia said quietly. It'd been something of a miracle to be given the opportunity to know and love her father, but in a way it had made finding out what he'd done even worse.
Big AnakinAnakin dropped his gaze to his desk and clasped his hands together. "I needed you to see more than just the mask," he said. "It was selfish of me. I'm sorry."
Anakin didn't apologize easily.
Little AnakinAnd that caught his grandson completely flat-footed, wide-eyed, and almost but not quite slack-jawed; those were two words he'd never expected to hear from the man he still mostly thought of as Darth Vader.
Which, maybe, had been his mistake thus far, but on the other hand it wasn't as if his mother had no reason to be angry.
When he finally found his voice he moved a step or two toward Leia, reaching a hand out.
"Mom," he said, sounding a little confused himself, "I know this is weird, but it scares me a little to see you like this."
LeiaShe'd expended some of her rage, but not all, not by a long shot, but her son's words brought with them a strange pang of guilt and a reminder of just what could happen if she let her anger get out of control. She still had her blaster in her hand, at her side, at least, and not aimed at her father any more, and now she moved to holster it.
"You know what he did to your father, don't you?" she said. The rawness of her grief hadn't gone away. "What he tried to do to your uncle?"
Anakin Jr."I know," Anakin answered, even if the mention of his father made an uncomfortable look flash across his face for a moment. "Uncle Luke's told us all those stories a thousand times."
And he'd had nightmares about re-enacting them for years, but.
He turned to his grandfather, tried to meet the eyes that were so much like his. "But I get the feeling Darth Vader," with a subtle touch of Force emphasis behind the name, "wouldn't ever have said he was sorry."
It was as much a question to Anakin as an attempt to calm Leia down.
Anakin Sr."It wasn't really part of the vocabulary," Anakin agreed, nodding at Anakin before turning back to Leia. "Want me to call Jaina and Luke? Or Ben?"
So other people who weren't him could get yelled at?
LeiaAnakin (the younger one) was right; the last thing she ever would've expected was Darth Vader to apologize. Except this wasn't Vader in front of her. She could still barely fathom that the face behind the mask had been Anakin Skywalker, her father. How could the man she'd come to know in Fandom and the monster in her home galaxy have been one and the same?
Truthfully it would be good to talk to any and all of the names her father mentioned, and Anakin as well, to find out how they'd come to terms with this. But it was still too soon for her to let go of her anger. "So you can hide behind them?" she said coolly.
Anakin the Father"So you have someone not me to talk to," Anakin countered.
Anakin the SonIt was, oddly, a little easier for Anakin to think about his grandfather being the same man as Darth Vader; his own lifelong fears about following that example made it hard to write off that difference as an impossibility. But he couldn't help smiling at Leia -- that spirit was so like her.
"What would you have done if you knew, Mom?" he asked.
Leia"I don't know," Leia admitted, caught off-guard by the question. Told Luke so he wouldn't be caught by surprise when Vader told him? Or would Luke have then gone off after Vader himself, convinced there was still something good in him, like he'd hinted at when he'd told her the night before? She'd been far too angry and upset to listen to anything along that idea.
"I wouldn't have believed it," she said after a moment's thought. "I would've thought someone was playing a ridiculously stupid joke. Because it wouldn't seem possible."
Anakin SkywalkerAnakin shrugged his shoulders. "I was arrogant, angry, strong in the Force, and sure I was right about everything. It was a deadly combination."
Anakin Solo"You --" Anakin's mouth was dry, all of a sudden, and whatever he might have said next faltered. He'd heard every single one of those words used to describe him, too.
"Jaina, Tahiri and Ben trust you," he said when he found his voice again, "so I'm willing to give you a chance. But I can't help feeling like Mom has a right to be mad."
[OOC: Totes NFB for obvious reasons; all squirrels have been Force choked. Preplayed with sith_happened and nonelikemesince; to be continued in comments!]
She waited until morning to book the portal. Her brother was safe and healing, and she couldn't do anything for Han, not until Lando and Chewie reported back. But she could go deal with her father, one version of him at least.
When she reached Fandom, she managed to push all her emotions to the back of her mind. She didn't know how to shield herself, but she could repress the rage and betrayal and fill her mind with mundane, boring things. She didn't want to give Anakin any warning of why she was there as she walked through the town to the school. He didn't deserve that.
If she'd calculated right, it would be Tuesday, and he'd be in his office all day, and it wasn't until she was standing in his doorway that she let go of her hold on her feelings. Drawing her blaster, she snarled, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here."
AnakinAnakin's eyes went wide. "Leia! Because gremlin bites wear off in an hour or so!"
He was caught off-guard and her sudden temper made him reach for the most logical, to him, at least, explanation.
LeiaLeia stepped into the office and kicked the door shut behind her, not taking her eyes off him. "This isn't a gremlin bite, Vader," she spat.
AnakinWell, shit.
"Put the blaster down," Anakin said. "Shooting me won't solve anything."
LeiaShe was actually surprised he hadn't yanked the blaster out of her hand like he'd done to Han, but she didn't lower the weapon.
"You still haven't given me a reason why I shouldn't do it anyway," she said.
Anakin"It's hard to think clearly when your daughter is pointing a weapon at you," Anakin replied. "Put it down. Now."
Leia"Or what, you'll torture me again?" Leia challenged. "Or blow up my home planet? Or maybe just cut my hand off like you did to Luke."
This would've been easier if he had the mask on, but she still had too much anger and betrayal roiling within her to obey.
Anakin"I'm not that person anymore," Anakin said.
And because Alderaan could only be blown up once, but he wasn't stupid enough to say that out loud.
Leia"I didn't think you were that person to begin with," Leia said coldly. Obviously not, because she wouldn't have come to love and trust him if she had.
She did finally lower the blaster, but kept it in her hand, however, not holstering it. "So did you just wake up one morning and decide to stop being evil?" she said bitterly.
AnakinAnakin had known from the moment he'd first seen her that he would have to have this conversation with her, but he was still caught flatfooted and unready.
"It was complicated," he said, then held up a hand. "I know that sounds ridiculous. Your brother--and for me, Rory and my dear friend Aeryn--finally convinced me that I could be something other than what I'd become. No one wants to become what I was."
Leia"Complicated," Leia scoffed. "It certainly felt complicated while you were torturing me on the Death Star. Or freezing Han and using us as bait to get Luke on Bespin. So how exactly did they convince you to stop?"
AnakinHe wasn't that sorry about Han. Anakin still had many, many moments of pettiness.
"Rory threw a zen garden at my head," Anakin replied. "Aeryn used logic and yelling fairly interchangeably. Luke--well, you've met Luke. Once he figured out who I used to be, he wasn't going to take my many, many crimes as a reason for me not turn away from the dark side. He out-stubborned me."
LeiaGiven how soon it was after Leia had admitted her feelings for Han, it would probably be very wise of Anakin not to mention that. Not unless he wanted that blaster aimed at him again.
"What about me?" Leia demanded. "What about the Leia from your world? If you did the same things to her, I hardly imagine she took it well."
And yet she'd named her son after him. She couldn't figure that part out.
Anakin"Not very," Anakin understated. "She didn't talk to me for months, and when she finally came to the island, there was a lot of yelling." He glanced at Liea. "The blaster was new."
LeiaLeia's hand twitched. "She didn't spend a couple years here looking up to you like a father and then find out who you really are, did she?" she said. Somehow that made it all the worse, more of a betrayal than learning Vader's identity right before he'd died.
Anakin"Well, no," Anakin admitted, finding his desk suddenly fascinating.
He was keeping track of that blaster with the Force, though. He didn't want to get shot at today.
"It never seemed like a good time to tell you."
Leia"How could you do that to your own children?" Leia said angrily. "I forgave you for not telling me about Alderaan because that couldn't be changed, but why couldn't you prepare me for this?"
Anakin"How could I possibly prepare you for this?" Anakin asked softly.
LeiaThat wasn't a question she could really answer, because honestly, how could he have? She wouldn't have believed him at first, and then she would have been devastated, like she was now, just without the pain of what he'd done to her and Luke and Han still fresh.
"Did you know?" she said. "Who I was, when you were torturing me?" She didn't ask about Luke; obviously he'd known since he'd told Luke himself he was his father, right after cutting off his hand. Plus the whole hiding in plain sight had never struck her as a brilliant idea.
AnakinAnakin shook his head vigorously. "I didn't know I had a child at all until Luke showed up and blew up the Death Star. I didn't put you together with Padme until Bespin. There was something in your expression that was just so her..."
Leia"That didn't stop you from 'interrogating' me and freezing Han," Leia said, her tone as cold as the carbonite. "Or is that why you suddenly changed your mind about leaving me on Bespin?"
And speaking of Padme.... "What really happened to my mother?"
AnakinOh, if she was pissed now, that story really wasn't going to help him out.
"I don't know exactly how it went for you," Anakin replied quietly. "But for me, I did stop interrogating you once I realized who you were."
He hadn't stopped the Han part, though.
Leia"And just what were you planning on doing if we hadn't gotten away?" Leia demanded. "What were you going to do to me?"
She probably already knew the answer to that.
Anakin"Turn you over to Palpatine," Anakin said, "but I'm sure you know that."
Leia"How it must have rankled you to have Luke and I both slip through your fingers again," Leia said, not at all taking some satisfaction in that.
Anakin"It generally wasn't good for long-term health to displease the Emperor," Anakin replied.
Leia"Well, I can't say I'm sorry that I added to that," Leia said bitterly. "I wish you'd never told Luke so we could go on believing our father was a hero."
Anakin"And let him die instead?" Anakin countered.
Leia"And left him alone instead," Leia said. "Both of us. Oh, but let me guess. You had no choice. Funny, I've been hearing that a lot lately."
Lando's betrayal was far too fresh as well, though she'd let him try to redeem himself by going with Chewie to find Han.
Anakin"Luke blew up the Death Star," Anakin said, "with the last name of Skywalker. He was never going to just fade into the background. The Emperor spent the last twenty years exterminating Jedi--what do you think Luke's options were going to be? Honestly now. Set the rage aside."
Leia"I'm talking about your options, not his," Leia said stiffly.
Seriously, if Obi-Wan was still alive, she would've wanted to have a long talk with him about not changing Luke's last name to keep him better hidden.
Anakin"I was trying to keep Luke alive," Anakin said just as stiffly.
We'll just ignore the part where he threw large chunks of things at him and sliced off his hand, then, shall we?
"If he'd joined me, I thought we would have been strong enough to take down the Emperor."
Anakin: not the brains of the family.
Leia"And then what?" Leia said. "We'd be one big happy family? Ruling the galaxy with iron fists? That I'd just forget what you did to Han and Luke wouldn't mind how you killed Obi-Wan?"
Clearly, she and Jaina were the brains of the family.
Anakin"Well, when I proposed this to Luke, I didn't know about you," Anakin said.
It didn't make that a better plan.
"And Obi-Wan started it."
Not really.
Leia"How could you?" Leia said. Some of the rage had slipped away, but not all, and grief was bubbling up in its wake, much as she didn't want it to show on her face or in her voice. "How could you go from a hero, the Hero With No Fear, to Darth Vader?" She spat out the last two words, not trying to hide that emotion.
She'd had her own brush with the dark side during one of Fandom's many strange weekends, so she had some inkling, but she wanted to hear his explanation.
AnakinHe was quiet for a very long time, staring at the wood grain of his desk like it would provide answers.
"Because I had a vision of your mother dying in childbirth," he finally said softly, "and I was willing to do absolutely anything to stop that from happening."
Leia"That didn't work, did it?" Leia said, but she did feel a pang of sympathy. She knew her son was going to die far too young, and part of her would do anything to prevent that.
AnakinAnakin shook his head. "I was in way over my head and turned to a good friend, the Chancellor of the Republic, and he told me everything I wanted to hear. He, it turns out, was a Sith. It took me decades to trust my decision-making again."
Leia"Palpatine," Leia murmured. She'd only met him once, and that had been more than enough. The power and darkness she'd sensed radiating from him had completely unnerved her, and her skin had crawled when he touched her face.
"I know he's powerful. But how could he convince you to start murdering other Jedi? Children."
AnakinAnakin dropped his gaze again. "Terrible writing At first, I was trying to save the Republic: Palpatine needed to be bought to justice, arrested and sent to trial. Killing him outright went against everything I'd been taught as a Jedi...but then Master Windu died, and everything went to hell."
That wasn't a really an explanation, Anakin.
Leia"There's a big difference between killing him and serving him," Leia pointed out. "Did he force you? Did he control you?"
She wanted him to say yes so very much.
AnakinBut that wouldn't be the truth and lying straight-out was just not in him today.
"Only in the way that the Sith Master always controls the apprentice oh god not dirty," he said softly. "Palpatine said that the dark side energy would help me save Padme."
Because Sith Lords wouldn't lie, right?
"By the time I realized it wouldn't, she was dead and I didn't care very much about anything."
LeiaI've seen fic that says otherwise.
"Did she really die in childbirth?" Leia asked. She could only imagine the pain and grief of losing her, but she also hadn't missed that he'd dodged her earlier question about her mother.
Anakin"That's what I was told," Anakin said, "but I was also told the child--singular--died with her."
Someone was a big dumbass for being the most power Force-sensitive in yada yada whenever for not realizing Padme was having twins.
LeiaThey'd been close in the womb. Very close.
"How proud she would have been of you," Leia said bitterly, still too wounded to not be cruel. She remembered how confused Padme had been that she'd named her son Anakin, though, and now understood some of her hesitation to discuss certain things when her ghost had come to Fandom. She'd known what her husband had done, yet she'd forgive him.
AnakinAnakin flinched hard at that. "Definitely not," he murmured. "She was everything to me. When she was gone...there wasn't a lot of point in fighting what I'd become."
LeiaLeia was trying to come up with a response to that when....
Anakin V2.0Anakin had sensed the familiar Force presence he recognized as his mother's from the second she'd arrived on the island, but the knowledge that she was much younger than he knew her had kept him back; weird enough to have Jaina and Tahiri so much older than he'd expected, much less Ben's existence throwing him off. Those factors had taken some adjustment, but this was different; it was Mom.
He couldn't ignore it any longer when he recognized the very real anger seething in her Force presence, and realized exactly where she was.
And what she must be --
"Sithspawn," he breathed, and made a run for his grandfather's office as fast as he could.
For the first time; that figured, didn't it? It had never occurred to him in anything but the abstract before that he wasn't the only one who had trouble reconciling himself to the man whose name he bore.
He skidded to a halt outside the office and only hesitated for a second before pounding on the door.
Anakin V1.0Anakin restrained himself from beating his head into his desk. "Come in, Anakin."
His aura was buttoned up tightly in the Force, but the way his jaw was set and his eyes were haunted showed this wasn't an easy conversation at all.
LeiaLeia had felt...something as Anakin had reached the door, but she was still untrained in the Force and didn't understand what it was. Not until her father said his name.
She stepped away from the door, turning to stare in no small amount of confusion as he opened it and stepped inside. "Anakin?"
Anakin the YoungerSomewhere, Kam Solusar was probably having an inexplicable moment of feeling sympathy for Anakin Skywalker. In retrospect barging in wasn't the most brilliant thing he could have done, but Anakin Solo didn't do the cautious approach.
"Grandfather," he said with a quick nod as he let himself in and shut the door behind him. "Mom. Hi."
He locked down his own apprehension and tried to look unshaken. Well, he'd just landed himself in the middle of yet another sticky situation, hadn't he?
LeiaMore than he ever could imagine.
Leia's breath caught in her throat as she stared at Anakin (the younger one), unable to form words. She had to look away, hoping he wouldn't be able to read the emotions churning within her, and that her rage and grief about finding out the truth about her father would hide the grief of seeing the son that wasn't even born yet but she knew she'd have to mourn all too soon.
She instead gave Anakin (the older one) a sharp glance. "Does he know?" she said.
There were two questions being asked there -- if he knew his grandfather had been Darth Vader, and if he knew he died young. If he didn't know the latter, she didn't want to say anything to to let that hang over him. The former, however...he should know.
Anakin the Older"I assume that's why he's been avoiding me all of these months, yes," Anakin said, glancing at his grandson with the original icy blue eyes.
Anakin SoloWhich was a reminder that made Anakin flinch; he couldn't help it. Nor could he exactly deny that his grandfather was right.
"You mean, do I know what he was?" He glanced from Leia to Anakin, then back again quickly. "Yeah. I've known all my life."
That came out just a touch more bitterly than he'd meant it to sound, and a quick flash of guilt in the Force would address Anakin's assumption. As for the other question, his lack of an answer might be one in and of itself.
LeiaLeia was going to bitch at Jaina and/or Ben for not letting her know Anakin was on the island now. A little warning would have been nice. But that would come later, when her heart started beating again.
"And yet I named you after him," she murmured, picking up on the bitterness and wondering how she could've given such a burden to her son. "Though right now I couldn't begin to understand why."
Anakin I"Me either," Anakin admitted, being baldly honest.
Anakin IIAnd I'm supposed to? Anakin wanted to say, but didn't.
"You wanted to redeem his name," he spoke up, looking at Leia. "And you said you always had bad associations with the name -- giving it to me was your way of trying to overcome that. And --"
He took a breath and glanced Anakin's way, looking very much like a kid at the moment.
"You wanted a chance to find out what he might have been like otherwise." By placing the burden of living up to that on him. He'd never complained about that part, as much as he'd been clear to Tahiri and Luke that he feared living up to his namesake's reputation, but it always came to mind when he caught himself thinking about it, and it was a heavy load to carry. "Seems to me you've actually got that chance now."
And no, he hadn't forgotten what Jaina and Tahiri had both told him, so he kept looking steadily at his grandfather as he added, "We both do."
Leia"I thought I did know him," Leia said quietly. It'd been something of a miracle to be given the opportunity to know and love her father, but in a way it had made finding out what he'd done even worse.
Big AnakinAnakin dropped his gaze to his desk and clasped his hands together. "I needed you to see more than just the mask," he said. "It was selfish of me. I'm sorry."
Anakin didn't apologize easily.
Little AnakinAnd that caught his grandson completely flat-footed, wide-eyed, and almost but not quite slack-jawed; those were two words he'd never expected to hear from the man he still mostly thought of as Darth Vader.
Which, maybe, had been his mistake thus far, but on the other hand it wasn't as if his mother had no reason to be angry.
When he finally found his voice he moved a step or two toward Leia, reaching a hand out.
"Mom," he said, sounding a little confused himself, "I know this is weird, but it scares me a little to see you like this."
LeiaShe'd expended some of her rage, but not all, not by a long shot, but her son's words brought with them a strange pang of guilt and a reminder of just what could happen if she let her anger get out of control. She still had her blaster in her hand, at her side, at least, and not aimed at her father any more, and now she moved to holster it.
"You know what he did to your father, don't you?" she said. The rawness of her grief hadn't gone away. "What he tried to do to your uncle?"
Anakin Jr."I know," Anakin answered, even if the mention of his father made an uncomfortable look flash across his face for a moment. "Uncle Luke's told us all those stories a thousand times."
And he'd had nightmares about re-enacting them for years, but.
He turned to his grandfather, tried to meet the eyes that were so much like his. "But I get the feeling Darth Vader," with a subtle touch of Force emphasis behind the name, "wouldn't ever have said he was sorry."
It was as much a question to Anakin as an attempt to calm Leia down.
Anakin Sr."It wasn't really part of the vocabulary," Anakin agreed, nodding at Anakin before turning back to Leia. "Want me to call Jaina and Luke? Or Ben?"
So other people who weren't him could get yelled at?
LeiaAnakin (the younger one) was right; the last thing she ever would've expected was Darth Vader to apologize. Except this wasn't Vader in front of her. She could still barely fathom that the face behind the mask had been Anakin Skywalker, her father. How could the man she'd come to know in Fandom and the monster in her home galaxy have been one and the same?
Truthfully it would be good to talk to any and all of the names her father mentioned, and Anakin as well, to find out how they'd come to terms with this. But it was still too soon for her to let go of her anger. "So you can hide behind them?" she said coolly.
Anakin the Father"So you have someone not me to talk to," Anakin countered.
Anakin the SonIt was, oddly, a little easier for Anakin to think about his grandfather being the same man as Darth Vader; his own lifelong fears about following that example made it hard to write off that difference as an impossibility. But he couldn't help smiling at Leia -- that spirit was so like her.
"What would you have done if you knew, Mom?" he asked.
Leia"I don't know," Leia admitted, caught off-guard by the question. Told Luke so he wouldn't be caught by surprise when Vader told him? Or would Luke have then gone off after Vader himself, convinced there was still something good in him, like he'd hinted at when he'd told her the night before? She'd been far too angry and upset to listen to anything along that idea.
"I wouldn't have believed it," she said after a moment's thought. "I would've thought someone was playing a ridiculously stupid joke. Because it wouldn't seem possible."
Anakin SkywalkerAnakin shrugged his shoulders. "I was arrogant, angry, strong in the Force, and sure I was right about everything. It was a deadly combination."
Anakin Solo"You --" Anakin's mouth was dry, all of a sudden, and whatever he might have said next faltered. He'd heard every single one of those words used to describe him, too.
"Jaina, Tahiri and Ben trust you," he said when he found his voice again, "so I'm willing to give you a chance. But I can't help feeling like Mom has a right to be mad."
[OOC: Totes NFB for obvious reasons; all squirrels have been Force choked. Preplayed with sith_happened and nonelikemesince; to be continued in comments!]