Death One: WHY DO I HAVE SKIN?

[likescats]

[At 308 Miller Street a phone has fallen off the hook and it's possible to hear a part of a conversation. Anyone from Discworld might hear a rather .....familiar voice...though it seems a little stranger, more human. Quotation marks and everything. Someone seems to be arguing with a drone child.]

"NO, I AM QUITE CERTAIN I AM NOT YOUR FATHER. WHERE

Comments

[kindlichekaiser]

[She clears her throat a little] Sir? Excuse me?

[humandeath]

[And it takes him a moment to realize where the voice is coming from. He picks the phone up awkwardly.]

HELLO?

[kindlichekaiser]

Hello! [She smiles a little] You must be new here. I'm the Childlike Empress, and I'll try to help you, alright?

It's...a bit shocking when you first wake up here, I know. This place, as you know, is called Mayfield, and I'm afraid no one's found a way to leave yet.

[humandeath]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH CHILD.

AND WHERE ON THE DISC IS THIS MAYFIELD?

[kindlichekaiser]

You're welcome. Though...I'm not a child, sir. I'm older than the majority of the inhabitants in this place put together.

Disc...? This isn't the Disc; at least, I don't think so. It's on Earth. [Pause] Do you know Teatime, Miss Susan, or Mr. Vetinari?

[humandeath]

I APPOLOGIZE THEN.

[There's a pause as he listens]

I AM WELL ACCQUINTED WITH MR. TEH-AH-TIM-AH. EVERYONE KNOWS OF VETINARI, AND I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF THE SUSAN YOU ARE REFERING TO IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

[kindlichekaiser]

It's alright. A lot of people make that same mistake. I just thought I would correct you.

Oh! You're related to her? Teatime and I are friends, Susan is one of my teachers, and Vetinari is.. .well, he was assigned to be my father here.

[humandeath]

.....YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH TEATIME. IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER AWARE OF THIS?

[kindlichekaiser]

[There's a pause and she sighs] I have Teatime well under control. He listens to me and I've already ordered him from killing several people. He's not a threat to me.

Yes Miss Susan knows and she and Mr. Vetinari have already tried, in vain, to try and drive me away from him. However, he's done nothing against me or someone close to me that would make me sever my friendship with him.

If and when the time comes that he does, then I will handle it as I see fit. [it's said firmly and with the air of someone who's had to repeat this quite a few times]

[humandeath]

AND HOW WILL YOU HANDLE IT?

thanks for NOT TELLING ME ABOUT THIS NOTIFS B(

[kindlichekaiser]

[Pause] ...I haven't thought that far ahead yet.

[But she giggles because haha she probably should have thought about this, right?] I will handle it. I can grant wishes--I could wish myself elsewhere to escape him, to Susan or Vetinari I suppose.

Or I could go to Tsuna--he and his friends are powerful enough to protect me.

If he were to kill me it wouldn't much matter anyhow--Death doesn't really exist here. If you die you come back to life the very next day. [But it's still traumatizing as fuck]

They are evil

[humandeath]

SO I HAVE HEARD.

ALL THE SAME. DEATH IS NOT SOMETHING TO TAKE LIGHTLY.

AND MR. TEATIME HAS ALREADY INFORMED ME HE HAS KILLED MY GRANDDAUGHTER ONCE HERE.

[That last bit sounds very angry.]

[kindlichekaiser]

I know. I'd.. never had to deal with the idea of dying before I came here. I'm immortal in my world, for the most part, but...

[She pauses, her voice sympathetic and apologetic] I'm sorry. I assure you that she's alright though. In whatever game they've been playing, Susan has been winning.

...It was by luck that Teatime killed her at all. I don't think Susan will let it happen again. [at least, not from what she's seen of them]

[humandeath]

I SHALL HAVE TO SPEAK WITH HER ABOUT THIS GAME. SHE KNOWS BETTER THEN TO TREAT DEATH IN SUCH A WAY.

[kindlichekaiser]

[She says nothing about this, deciding to change the subject]

You never told me your name, sir.

[humandeath]

I AM DEATH.