[AGM] Eleanor Roosevelt quote
[Ethan = cant_takeorders. Savannah = afew_snapshots, Devon = criminal_issues, and both are referenced with permission.]
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’...You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
This was going to be awkward.
It was the first time Sam had seen Ethan since he had sort of come out to him around Valentine’s Day. Not that he and Ethan had talked much to begin with, but this was something that Sam probably should have talked to his brother about. His communication skills have never been the best and sometimes things slip. But Sam was down at Berkley, covering something for the paper, and there was no way of avoiding it now. They needed to clear the air, because they certainly couldn’t have the awkward at the next family gathering.
After putting the reporter back in his car and sending him back to LA, Sam leaned against the side of his own, pulling the phone out of his pocket. He pulled up his brother’s number quickly, hitting send before placing the phone to his ear. It rang for a minute before Ethan picked up on the other end.
“Yo.”
“Hey-I’m at Berkley.”
“-Seriously?”
“Yeah-had to photograph an event for the paper. You had dinner yet?”
“Nope. Want me to meet you at the diner?”
“Yeah-I’ll be there in twenty.”
A few minutes later, they said their goodbyes and hung up. As Sam climbed into his car, he really, really hoped that this was going to go better than he was imagining. However, forty-five minutes after that, small talk had stalled and, for the moment, that could be covered by them digging in to their food, but Sam knew that once they settled in, it was going to start to get awkward. Sam knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to say it. After a few moments, he swallowed and decided that the best defense was a good offense.
“Look, about me and Devon-”
Ethan looked pained for a moment. “Do we have to?”
“Yeah,” Sam sighed, leaning back and running a hand over his face. “We do.”
Ethan sighed, dropping his burger back down onto the plate, before speaking again. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t get it?”
“Get the my sexuality part, or the relationship part?”
“Both.”
“No,” Sam said slowly. “That wasn’t why I didn’t say anything. I just-”
“You wanted to stay off Dad’s radar. I get that. But I’m a fairly liberal-minded individual. You know that. It’s not like I’m Monica, who agrees with every word that comes out of Dad’s mouth. It’s not like I’ve ever been all that homophobic, and I’m capable of keeping my mouth shut. You tell Liz, who has a habit of mouthing off with everyone’s secrets, before you tell me?”
Sam grit his teeth slightly before responding. “I didn’t tell Liz. She just kind of found out.”
“Like I found out?” Ethan replied, raising an eyebrow.
That earned his brother a look. “You suspected long before that thing with Savannah. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have bothered, you’d just figured I’d find a date on my own. And you wouldn’t have done it on Valentine’s Day.”
“Okay. I’ll give you that. But I still don’t get why you didn’t think you could talk to me.”
“To be honest, Ethan? I didn’t think it mattered to you.” And that was the truth. Ethan had always been the type to just let things roll off him, and while Sam had appreciated that about his brother, it did effect how much he actually verbalized. “Liz loves having a secret to hold over my head, Mon and Dad would flip, Mom-I’m not even sure how Mom would react at this point, but you-I knew it wouldn’t make a difference to you one way or the other, so I guess I just-figured it never needed to be said.”
“Well, dude, it clearly needs to be said,” Ethan said with a slight smirk. “Otherwise, how am I going to know whether or not to set you up with a Dean or a Deanna.”
Sam raised his eyebrows at his brother at that. “How ‘bout you not set me up at all?”
His brother laughed slightly at that, before reaching over to pick up his burger again. “Fair enough.”
Sam did the same, picking at his fries for a moment, before looking up at Ethan again. “So we’re good?”
“Yeah,” Ethan sighed. “Can we stop having a chick moment now?”
Sam laughed, before nodding. “Yeah, we’re done.”
They both went back to eating for a while, with Ethan glancing up at his brother every once in a while. After a minute, he swallowed before speaking again. “How are things with you and Devon anyway?”
“They’re good,” Sam nodded slowly. “We’re trying out the whole living together thing.”
Ethan nodded slowly, before tilting his head to the side slightly. “‘Trying out’ living together?”
“A test run. Sort of,” Sam shrugged. “Neither of us have lived with someone before. We wanted to make sure it would work. So we alternate weeks or something.”
“Oh. So I guess you guys already dropped the big L word then?”
“-I thought we were done with the chick moment?”
“-Is that a no?” Ethan made a face. “You don’t love him? Then why are you trying out living together?”
“I never said that I didn’t love him,” Sam said shaking his head.
“So you do love him?”
“What?”
Ethan ran a hand over his face, letting his head flop back against the headrest of the booth. “Do you love him? It’s not rocket science.”
“I-I don’t know?”
“Dude. You’re gay. You’re not supposed to be the emotionally stunted one in the family.”
“Okay, there’s another reason why I didn’t tell you. And-shut up.”
“So you don’t know if you love him, but you’re ‘trying out’ the living together thing. I don’t think you don’t know, I just think you have a serious case of denial.”
“What are you? A shrink?”
“Shut it. My point-you need to do some serious thinking. Or talking-to someone who knows you better than you know yourself. Sort out of the feelings, figure out where you’re at. Because at this point, you either love him or you don’t, and that right there is pretty much your answer on the whole moving in thing.”
Sam sighed heavily, before running a hand over his face. “Alright, alright-I get it.”
“Good.”
“Are we really done with the chick moment now?”
“Yes,” Ethan said, holding up his hands, before leaning back in the booth. “How ‘bout them Dodgers?”
Sam shrugged slightly, before shaking his head. “Don’t look at me-I don’t follow baseball.”
“Dude-you’re best friends with a sports reporter.”
Sam just chuckled. “Ethan, do you know Marion at all? She doesn’t acknowledge baseball as a sport-”
1127 words
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’...You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
This was going to be awkward.
It was the first time Sam had seen Ethan since he had sort of come out to him around Valentine’s Day. Not that he and Ethan had talked much to begin with, but this was something that Sam probably should have talked to his brother about. His communication skills have never been the best and sometimes things slip. But Sam was down at Berkley, covering something for the paper, and there was no way of avoiding it now. They needed to clear the air, because they certainly couldn’t have the awkward at the next family gathering.
After putting the reporter back in his car and sending him back to LA, Sam leaned against the side of his own, pulling the phone out of his pocket. He pulled up his brother’s number quickly, hitting send before placing the phone to his ear. It rang for a minute before Ethan picked up on the other end.
“Yo.”
“Hey-I’m at Berkley.”
“-Seriously?”
“Yeah-had to photograph an event for the paper. You had dinner yet?”
“Nope. Want me to meet you at the diner?”
“Yeah-I’ll be there in twenty.”
A few minutes later, they said their goodbyes and hung up. As Sam climbed into his car, he really, really hoped that this was going to go better than he was imagining. However, forty-five minutes after that, small talk had stalled and, for the moment, that could be covered by them digging in to their food, but Sam knew that once they settled in, it was going to start to get awkward. Sam knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to say it. After a few moments, he swallowed and decided that the best defense was a good offense.
“Look, about me and Devon-”
Ethan looked pained for a moment. “Do we have to?”
“Yeah,” Sam sighed, leaning back and running a hand over his face. “We do.”
Ethan sighed, dropping his burger back down onto the plate, before speaking again. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t get it?”
“Get the my sexuality part, or the relationship part?”
“Both.”
“No,” Sam said slowly. “That wasn’t why I didn’t say anything. I just-”
“You wanted to stay off Dad’s radar. I get that. But I’m a fairly liberal-minded individual. You know that. It’s not like I’m Monica, who agrees with every word that comes out of Dad’s mouth. It’s not like I’ve ever been all that homophobic, and I’m capable of keeping my mouth shut. You tell Liz, who has a habit of mouthing off with everyone’s secrets, before you tell me?”
Sam grit his teeth slightly before responding. “I didn’t tell Liz. She just kind of found out.”
“Like I found out?” Ethan replied, raising an eyebrow.
That earned his brother a look. “You suspected long before that thing with Savannah. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have bothered, you’d just figured I’d find a date on my own. And you wouldn’t have done it on Valentine’s Day.”
“Okay. I’ll give you that. But I still don’t get why you didn’t think you could talk to me.”
“To be honest, Ethan? I didn’t think it mattered to you.” And that was the truth. Ethan had always been the type to just let things roll off him, and while Sam had appreciated that about his brother, it did effect how much he actually verbalized. “Liz loves having a secret to hold over my head, Mon and Dad would flip, Mom-I’m not even sure how Mom would react at this point, but you-I knew it wouldn’t make a difference to you one way or the other, so I guess I just-figured it never needed to be said.”
“Well, dude, it clearly needs to be said,” Ethan said with a slight smirk. “Otherwise, how am I going to know whether or not to set you up with a Dean or a Deanna.”
Sam raised his eyebrows at his brother at that. “How ‘bout you not set me up at all?”
His brother laughed slightly at that, before reaching over to pick up his burger again. “Fair enough.”
Sam did the same, picking at his fries for a moment, before looking up at Ethan again. “So we’re good?”
“Yeah,” Ethan sighed. “Can we stop having a chick moment now?”
Sam laughed, before nodding. “Yeah, we’re done.”
They both went back to eating for a while, with Ethan glancing up at his brother every once in a while. After a minute, he swallowed before speaking again. “How are things with you and Devon anyway?”
“They’re good,” Sam nodded slowly. “We’re trying out the whole living together thing.”
Ethan nodded slowly, before tilting his head to the side slightly. “‘Trying out’ living together?”
“A test run. Sort of,” Sam shrugged. “Neither of us have lived with someone before. We wanted to make sure it would work. So we alternate weeks or something.”
“Oh. So I guess you guys already dropped the big L word then?”
“-I thought we were done with the chick moment?”
“-Is that a no?” Ethan made a face. “You don’t love him? Then why are you trying out living together?”
“I never said that I didn’t love him,” Sam said shaking his head.
“So you do love him?”
“What?”
Ethan ran a hand over his face, letting his head flop back against the headrest of the booth. “Do you love him? It’s not rocket science.”
“I-I don’t know?”
“Dude. You’re gay. You’re not supposed to be the emotionally stunted one in the family.”
“Okay, there’s another reason why I didn’t tell you. And-shut up.”
“So you don’t know if you love him, but you’re ‘trying out’ the living together thing. I don’t think you don’t know, I just think you have a serious case of denial.”
“What are you? A shrink?”
“Shut it. My point-you need to do some serious thinking. Or talking-to someone who knows you better than you know yourself. Sort out of the feelings, figure out where you’re at. Because at this point, you either love him or you don’t, and that right there is pretty much your answer on the whole moving in thing.”
Sam sighed heavily, before running a hand over his face. “Alright, alright-I get it.”
“Good.”
“Are we really done with the chick moment now?”
“Yes,” Ethan said, holding up his hands, before leaning back in the booth. “How ‘bout them Dodgers?”
Sam shrugged slightly, before shaking his head. “Don’t look at me-I don’t follow baseball.”
“Dude-you’re best friends with a sports reporter.”
Sam just chuckled. “Ethan, do you know Marion at all? She doesn’t acknowledge baseball as a sport-”
1127 words