'Twisted Cinema', Tony/Effy, R
Title: Twisted Cinema
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Tony/Effy (as well as a bit of Tony/Josh)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own Skins.
Warnings: Incest. Some non-con. Also, an unexpectedly soppy ending, I feel like I should warn for that for some reason - this fic just has the weirdest mix of creepy and happy.
Summary: Tony is haunted by that night when Effy passed out, but the story does not go the way he tells it. There are some things he will keep secret forever.
He remembers that night all the time. It haunts his brain. Images slip in and out, some sticking to the inside of his head like glue. It's the worst when he's trying to get to sleep. Nothing else to occupy his mind. The scenes play over and over like he's trapped in some twisted cinema, strapped into his seat. It starts up again and he can't stop it.
He climbs into bed slowly, reluctantly, knowing what awaits him the moment he turns out the light.
He's begging, pleading, sobbing on the floor. Josh is straddling his stomach, leaning over, peering into his face and Tony feels like he can see into his soul that way. Like he can see all of Tony's desires and he knows what to do with them. Like he's found a way to give Tony exactly what he wants in exactly the way he doesn't want it.
Josh is Jesus Christ here to punish him for his sins.
He keeps going, keeps gasping, "I can't, I can't, I'm sorry," thinking there is no possible way that Josh will accept that.
And for a moment he does, to Tony's astonishment. Relief floods through his body as Josh slaps at his face, telling him 'all he needed to do was ask'. He gathers his senses. He gets to his feet. He rushes over to his sister, where she lies crumpled on the floor. Only to have Josh push his head forwards so it collides with hers.
"Thought it was going to be that easy, did you?" Josh sneers, grabbing him again so he can't move. "I'm not kidding, Tony. You fuck her or she dies."
Tony drops his head to Effy's body, his face against her cold stomach. "Why?" he sobs.
"I think you know why, Tony," Josh hisses, his voice like some sharp metal instrument cutting into Tony's brain. He knows Josh is talking about what he did to Michelle and Abigail. He's not talking about anything else, he can't be. But right now Josh is not Josh, he's God and he's Satan all at the same time, he's all-powerful and he can read his mind.
"We don't have all night, now, you know..."
The other boy - Spencer - is hovering nervously around them. "Josh, I really don't think-"
It's so quick Tony doesn't even know what's happening, he just sees Josh leap up and the next thing he knows, Spencer is draped across the pool table unconscious.
"That's taken care of him," Josh says, grinning and rubbing his fist. "Now to take care of you,"
He's pushing Tony onto his back again, and Tony has no idea what to do. For the first time he is completely, utterly lost. He cannot escape from this situation. Josh is not going to let him leave with Effy unless he does what he says, and he can't leave without her or she'll die. He lies there still as Josh peels off his boxers. He realises he has no choice, and it's the most frightening realisation he's ever had.
Josh's hands scuttle and crawl between his legs like spiders, teasing him and touching him and he feels like they're leaving big black handprints wherever they stop. It's just the two of them, now, nobody else to help, and the room is terrifyingly silent. Tony shuts his eyes tightly.
"You've got to get hard, Tony," Josh is saying, in some kind of sick sing-song voice, as his fingers loop around Tony's cock.
Tony knows he's right. Tony knows this is the only way. He tries to imagine Josh is Michelle. He tries to imagine Josh is Abigail. He tries to imagine Josh is that woman across the road who always lets him watch her change. But Josh's hands are too big, his fingers too thick, he is too masculine for Tony to pretend.
Tony tries to imagine Josh is Maxxie. He doesn't know why he does it, but he thinks of that night in Russia, he thinks of Maxxie's bright eyes and his little pout, his long, smooth, pale chest. He thinks of Maxxie's cock all red and curving to one side, and the way Maxxie looked down at him when he took it in his mouth.
"There you go," Josh says suddenly, grinning an eager, evil grin at him. "That wasn't so difficult now, was it?"
Tony is out of the little bedroom in Russia. He is back in Hell. Effy lies motionless next to him and he stares at her face. How can he do this to her?
He thinks of Michelle. He imagines how it would be if it was Michelle lying there, not Effy. He thinks maybe it would be the same, but then he thinks maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad. Tiny little thoughts are fluttering through his head, questions flitting about, but he cannot think them, he cannot answer them. He doesn't know where he would end up if he did.
Sometimes he doesn't care that Effy is his sister. Sometimes Effy is everything he's ever wanted and needed in his life and sometimes he thinks he doesn't need anything else.
Sometimes he thinks of her in ways he knows he shouldn't.
The guilt comes from so many places - his desires are wrong, his desires are disgusting, Effy is young, helpless, his little sister, somebody he is supposed to take care of. He can stop it, sometimes - he can stop the thoughts. He fucks Michelle until she's screaming, he shoves his hand up Abigail's skirt after choir practise, he gives Maxxie head. And then, for a while, Effy's face is torn from the fabric of his mind, and the thoughts are rubbed out as though they are simply pencil, instead of indelible ink scrawled all over the muscle in his chest.
"Ah, preparing yourself for what's to come, I see," Josh's voice snaps him back to reality. Tony realises he is still staring at Effy.
"I was-" he begins, but Josh cuts him off.
"Unless that's just what you like," he says, "Thinking about her, staring at her, maybe while you toss off?"
"No!" Tony yells, and he thinks to himself, no, no, no, but it's no good, Josh is some human lie detector he's been hooked up to, and he can't run away from any of it anymore.
Josh is just grinning, and Tony shuts his eyes again and keeps thinking of Maxxie.
"No, no, I think we've dragged this out long enough," Josh says, though, letting go of him and sitting back. Tony sits up, amazed to find that he has actually managed to become hard in this situation. It's just Maxxie, he keeps telling himself. Whatever that means, he can sort it out later, but it was the thought of Maxxie that turned him on. He doesn't want Effy - no, he doesn't want Effy like this.
Suddenly Josh is pulling up Effy's skirt, slipping his fingers down that little gap between the elastic waistband and her skin. The fabric is taut over her hipbones. The knickers have a little print of Snoopy from the Peanuts cartoons, and they claim - wrongly - that it is Tuesday. Tony has seen those knickers hanging over the radiator in the bathroom at home.
"Spencer's fucked her before, you know," Josh says, though he already told Tony this before. "How does that make you feel?"
He is slowly pulling off Effy's knickers as he talks.
"How does it make you feel to know that someone has fucked your little sister, Tony?" he continues, dragging them down her thighs. "To know that someone has done this?"
Tony is gritting his teeth. He is grinding them against each other. The idea makes him feel insane with anger.
"To know that someone has done..." Josh carries on, his voice barely a whisper now, and he gently places his hand between Effy's legs, the heel of his hand resting against the light brown hair there. "...this?"
Tony has to take a deep breath. The anger feels as though it is bubbling through his body, like his blood is under a flame. He cannot take his eyes away from Josh's hand for fear of what might happen if he doesn't watch.
"Shame, she's not wet," Josh says, making Tony feel sick. "Might have to help the two of you out some more,"
And in one swift move he pushes his finger inside her, and Tony knocks him to the ground. Josh is too quick for him, though, grabbing him tightly and sitting back up.
"I thought so," he says, grinning that grin again, "I thought so. Want her all for yourself, don't you?"
He grabs Tony's cock again, rubs it, then turns him over so he is kneeling between Effy's open legs. And then there he is, on top of her, unable to believe what he is about to do, what he has to do, and -
Tony rolls over in bed, his head pounding as the worst part of his constant nightmare begins again. He tosses and turns, and his hand flies up to grab his pillow - and he finds himself clutching a piece of paper. He sits up, puzzled but grateful for the distraction, and he flicks on the light.
Six words written in Effy's curly handwriting, in a pale purple gel pen.
It's okay that you liked it.
Tony crawls out of bed, the note still in his hand, and goes to Effy's room. It's the only thing he can do. The note makes no sense. He thinks she can only be referring to one thing, but at the same time - how can she be? She didn't know what went on for most of that night.
Tony knocks on the door only twice before Effy appears, in a grey vest-top and pink shorts, every part of her looking tired and ready for sleep apart from her eyes. Tony just holds up the note.
"Liked what?" he asks quietly.
Effy looks at the note. She looks at Tony. Tony worries for a moment that she won't say anything at all, but then she looks him right in the eyes and says, "Fucking me."
She shuts the door before he has a chance to react, and there is no answer even after nearly five minutes of knocking. Her door is locked. Tony pads across the carpet back to his bedroom, for another sleepless night.
He does not know what will happen when he comes. He doesn't know what Josh will make him do. When he's close, he tells Josh pathetically, gasping it, breathless, mortified. Josh is standing next to them, watching with fierce fascination. He just smiles, shrugs, and says, "Go on, then."
Tony just shakes his head. There is no way he will do that to her. He says so. Josh thinks about this for a moment, and then nods. "Fine. Fine. You've been through enough," and he hands him a tissue from his pocket.
Effy has to stay inside the house except for school, now, after that night. Parents' rules. But Tony knocks on her door for fifteen minutes in the morning, and there is still no answer.
He tries calling to her, tries telling her why he's there. "Effy, I just want to talk to you! I just want to know what you mean, how you - how you know!". But there is still no reply. He becomes frantic, terrified she can't hear him, terrified she might be dead in there and no one would know. "Effy, I'm really worried about you! You don't have to talk to me but can you just knock back if you can hear me?"
There is one knock and then silence. Tony looks down at the floor, and then goes back to his room.
He pulls up her knickers and gets up. Josh is sitting on the pool table, swinging his legs. He is applauding.
"Bravo, bravo," he cheers, and Tony wants so badly to punch him in the face that he almost does, before he remembers what is at stake here.
"Let me go," he says instead, pleading again.
"Nobody's stopping you," Josh shrugs, tossing him his boxers and watching as he puts them on.
Tony lifts Effy into his arms and leaves without looking back. He can still hear Josh's manic laughter as he chases through the maze that is this house, until he finally finds a door and he is free.
The lawn is cold and wet against the soles of his feet, and the night air bites at his skin, but he feels almost nothing. He is in some sort of daze. Sid is walking towards him, and he realises then that he is going to have to lie about this night for the rest of his life.
"I don't think I could have been completely unconscious," a voice says, loudly, suddenly, and Tony turns from his computer to see Effy standing in his doorway. It is the longest sentence he's heard her say in a long time, and it takes him a few seconds to get over the shock and comprehend what she has just said.
"I mean, I mostly was. But I could hear what was going on, a lot of the time. Even though I couldn't move."
Tony is speechless. He feels like he and Effy have swapped roles as she keeps on talking.
"You asked why, and Josh said he thought you knew why, but I didn't know why," she continues, "I guess it didn't matter, though, did it? I was just a doll. A dead girl. Anything. A prop. I don't know."
She sits on his bed.
"I could feel everything, Tony. I could. I could tell what was going on,"
Tony has no idea what to say to this. He doesn't know what she means - whether she means she could tell that he was having sex with her, or that she could tell something else - but he doesn't want to ask.
"I know that you liked it," she says simply.
"I didn't like it, Effy," is all he can think to say. It's the truth. Every second of it was horrific, knowing he was doing things to her without her permission.
"I know that you liked the idea of it," she says, louder this time, more insistent. "You would've liked it if I'd been awake, if I'd wanted you to do it as well,"
Tony knows that she is right, but he also knows she must now believe she is wrong. The idea of admitting these things to her is terrifying. It was hard enough for him to admit them to himself, and he still doesn't even feel he has done that fully.
"Effy, I had to do it. I don't know if you heard Josh before, but he said that if I did it, then I could take to you a hospital and you'd be okay," Tony tells her. He has no idea how he appears to her now - if she can tell that she has just exposed his deepest secret.
"I know that you had to, Tony, that's not the point," Effy says, exasperated. "Tony, tell me you love me."
"What?" Tony is grappling with the conversation now, every word she says seems to slip out of his hands. "I love you. Of course I love you."
He goes over to her, now, sits next to her on the bed. He is suddenly scared that Effy will be permanently scarred by what happened, that she will think that if somebody loves her, they can do whatever they want to her and she will be unable to stop them.
"Effy, I did it because I love you, and I wanted you to be safe, and I wanted you to survive," he tells her, putting his hand over hers. "I love you. Sometimes I think I love you more than anybody else in the world, but don't you dare ever quote me on that because I sound like a girl,"
Effy laughs, then without any warning at all she kisses him. Once, quickly, but on the lips.
"I love you too," she says, her voice seeming to be full of desperation, and their faces just seem to be getting closer and closer though neither of them feels as though they are moving. Their lips touch again, so lightly, almost as if it is by mistake, and then they hesitate, knowing that what they choose to do now will change everything, forever.
They kiss each other. They kiss each other for so long that Tony very nearly forgets how to do anything else at all. It feels like he has been doing this his entire life, and maybe it is what has been missing.
Effy whispers to him, "I'm awake and I want you to do it as well."
and Tony knows then that there are going to be some things he'll take to the grave.
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Tony/Effy (as well as a bit of Tony/Josh)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own Skins.
Warnings: Incest. Some non-con. Also, an unexpectedly soppy ending, I feel like I should warn for that for some reason - this fic just has the weirdest mix of creepy and happy.
Summary: Tony is haunted by that night when Effy passed out, but the story does not go the way he tells it. There are some things he will keep secret forever.
He remembers that night all the time. It haunts his brain. Images slip in and out, some sticking to the inside of his head like glue. It's the worst when he's trying to get to sleep. Nothing else to occupy his mind. The scenes play over and over like he's trapped in some twisted cinema, strapped into his seat. It starts up again and he can't stop it.
He climbs into bed slowly, reluctantly, knowing what awaits him the moment he turns out the light.
He's begging, pleading, sobbing on the floor. Josh is straddling his stomach, leaning over, peering into his face and Tony feels like he can see into his soul that way. Like he can see all of Tony's desires and he knows what to do with them. Like he's found a way to give Tony exactly what he wants in exactly the way he doesn't want it.
Josh is Jesus Christ here to punish him for his sins.
He keeps going, keeps gasping, "I can't, I can't, I'm sorry," thinking there is no possible way that Josh will accept that.
And for a moment he does, to Tony's astonishment. Relief floods through his body as Josh slaps at his face, telling him 'all he needed to do was ask'. He gathers his senses. He gets to his feet. He rushes over to his sister, where she lies crumpled on the floor. Only to have Josh push his head forwards so it collides with hers.
"Thought it was going to be that easy, did you?" Josh sneers, grabbing him again so he can't move. "I'm not kidding, Tony. You fuck her or she dies."
Tony drops his head to Effy's body, his face against her cold stomach. "Why?" he sobs.
"I think you know why, Tony," Josh hisses, his voice like some sharp metal instrument cutting into Tony's brain. He knows Josh is talking about what he did to Michelle and Abigail. He's not talking about anything else, he can't be. But right now Josh is not Josh, he's God and he's Satan all at the same time, he's all-powerful and he can read his mind.
"We don't have all night, now, you know..."
The other boy - Spencer - is hovering nervously around them. "Josh, I really don't think-"
It's so quick Tony doesn't even know what's happening, he just sees Josh leap up and the next thing he knows, Spencer is draped across the pool table unconscious.
"That's taken care of him," Josh says, grinning and rubbing his fist. "Now to take care of you,"
He's pushing Tony onto his back again, and Tony has no idea what to do. For the first time he is completely, utterly lost. He cannot escape from this situation. Josh is not going to let him leave with Effy unless he does what he says, and he can't leave without her or she'll die. He lies there still as Josh peels off his boxers. He realises he has no choice, and it's the most frightening realisation he's ever had.
Josh's hands scuttle and crawl between his legs like spiders, teasing him and touching him and he feels like they're leaving big black handprints wherever they stop. It's just the two of them, now, nobody else to help, and the room is terrifyingly silent. Tony shuts his eyes tightly.
"You've got to get hard, Tony," Josh is saying, in some kind of sick sing-song voice, as his fingers loop around Tony's cock.
Tony knows he's right. Tony knows this is the only way. He tries to imagine Josh is Michelle. He tries to imagine Josh is Abigail. He tries to imagine Josh is that woman across the road who always lets him watch her change. But Josh's hands are too big, his fingers too thick, he is too masculine for Tony to pretend.
Tony tries to imagine Josh is Maxxie. He doesn't know why he does it, but he thinks of that night in Russia, he thinks of Maxxie's bright eyes and his little pout, his long, smooth, pale chest. He thinks of Maxxie's cock all red and curving to one side, and the way Maxxie looked down at him when he took it in his mouth.
"There you go," Josh says suddenly, grinning an eager, evil grin at him. "That wasn't so difficult now, was it?"
Tony is out of the little bedroom in Russia. He is back in Hell. Effy lies motionless next to him and he stares at her face. How can he do this to her?
He thinks of Michelle. He imagines how it would be if it was Michelle lying there, not Effy. He thinks maybe it would be the same, but then he thinks maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad. Tiny little thoughts are fluttering through his head, questions flitting about, but he cannot think them, he cannot answer them. He doesn't know where he would end up if he did.
Sometimes he doesn't care that Effy is his sister. Sometimes Effy is everything he's ever wanted and needed in his life and sometimes he thinks he doesn't need anything else.
Sometimes he thinks of her in ways he knows he shouldn't.
The guilt comes from so many places - his desires are wrong, his desires are disgusting, Effy is young, helpless, his little sister, somebody he is supposed to take care of. He can stop it, sometimes - he can stop the thoughts. He fucks Michelle until she's screaming, he shoves his hand up Abigail's skirt after choir practise, he gives Maxxie head. And then, for a while, Effy's face is torn from the fabric of his mind, and the thoughts are rubbed out as though they are simply pencil, instead of indelible ink scrawled all over the muscle in his chest.
"Ah, preparing yourself for what's to come, I see," Josh's voice snaps him back to reality. Tony realises he is still staring at Effy.
"I was-" he begins, but Josh cuts him off.
"Unless that's just what you like," he says, "Thinking about her, staring at her, maybe while you toss off?"
"No!" Tony yells, and he thinks to himself, no, no, no, but it's no good, Josh is some human lie detector he's been hooked up to, and he can't run away from any of it anymore.
Josh is just grinning, and Tony shuts his eyes again and keeps thinking of Maxxie.
"No, no, I think we've dragged this out long enough," Josh says, though, letting go of him and sitting back. Tony sits up, amazed to find that he has actually managed to become hard in this situation. It's just Maxxie, he keeps telling himself. Whatever that means, he can sort it out later, but it was the thought of Maxxie that turned him on. He doesn't want Effy - no, he doesn't want Effy like this.
Suddenly Josh is pulling up Effy's skirt, slipping his fingers down that little gap between the elastic waistband and her skin. The fabric is taut over her hipbones. The knickers have a little print of Snoopy from the Peanuts cartoons, and they claim - wrongly - that it is Tuesday. Tony has seen those knickers hanging over the radiator in the bathroom at home.
"Spencer's fucked her before, you know," Josh says, though he already told Tony this before. "How does that make you feel?"
He is slowly pulling off Effy's knickers as he talks.
"How does it make you feel to know that someone has fucked your little sister, Tony?" he continues, dragging them down her thighs. "To know that someone has done this?"
Tony is gritting his teeth. He is grinding them against each other. The idea makes him feel insane with anger.
"To know that someone has done..." Josh carries on, his voice barely a whisper now, and he gently places his hand between Effy's legs, the heel of his hand resting against the light brown hair there. "...this?"
Tony has to take a deep breath. The anger feels as though it is bubbling through his body, like his blood is under a flame. He cannot take his eyes away from Josh's hand for fear of what might happen if he doesn't watch.
"Shame, she's not wet," Josh says, making Tony feel sick. "Might have to help the two of you out some more,"
And in one swift move he pushes his finger inside her, and Tony knocks him to the ground. Josh is too quick for him, though, grabbing him tightly and sitting back up.
"I thought so," he says, grinning that grin again, "I thought so. Want her all for yourself, don't you?"
He grabs Tony's cock again, rubs it, then turns him over so he is kneeling between Effy's open legs. And then there he is, on top of her, unable to believe what he is about to do, what he has to do, and -
Tony rolls over in bed, his head pounding as the worst part of his constant nightmare begins again. He tosses and turns, and his hand flies up to grab his pillow - and he finds himself clutching a piece of paper. He sits up, puzzled but grateful for the distraction, and he flicks on the light.
Six words written in Effy's curly handwriting, in a pale purple gel pen.
It's okay that you liked it.
Tony crawls out of bed, the note still in his hand, and goes to Effy's room. It's the only thing he can do. The note makes no sense. He thinks she can only be referring to one thing, but at the same time - how can she be? She didn't know what went on for most of that night.
Tony knocks on the door only twice before Effy appears, in a grey vest-top and pink shorts, every part of her looking tired and ready for sleep apart from her eyes. Tony just holds up the note.
"Liked what?" he asks quietly.
Effy looks at the note. She looks at Tony. Tony worries for a moment that she won't say anything at all, but then she looks him right in the eyes and says, "Fucking me."
She shuts the door before he has a chance to react, and there is no answer even after nearly five minutes of knocking. Her door is locked. Tony pads across the carpet back to his bedroom, for another sleepless night.
He does not know what will happen when he comes. He doesn't know what Josh will make him do. When he's close, he tells Josh pathetically, gasping it, breathless, mortified. Josh is standing next to them, watching with fierce fascination. He just smiles, shrugs, and says, "Go on, then."
Tony just shakes his head. There is no way he will do that to her. He says so. Josh thinks about this for a moment, and then nods. "Fine. Fine. You've been through enough," and he hands him a tissue from his pocket.
Effy has to stay inside the house except for school, now, after that night. Parents' rules. But Tony knocks on her door for fifteen minutes in the morning, and there is still no answer.
He tries calling to her, tries telling her why he's there. "Effy, I just want to talk to you! I just want to know what you mean, how you - how you know!". But there is still no reply. He becomes frantic, terrified she can't hear him, terrified she might be dead in there and no one would know. "Effy, I'm really worried about you! You don't have to talk to me but can you just knock back if you can hear me?"
There is one knock and then silence. Tony looks down at the floor, and then goes back to his room.
He pulls up her knickers and gets up. Josh is sitting on the pool table, swinging his legs. He is applauding.
"Bravo, bravo," he cheers, and Tony wants so badly to punch him in the face that he almost does, before he remembers what is at stake here.
"Let me go," he says instead, pleading again.
"Nobody's stopping you," Josh shrugs, tossing him his boxers and watching as he puts them on.
Tony lifts Effy into his arms and leaves without looking back. He can still hear Josh's manic laughter as he chases through the maze that is this house, until he finally finds a door and he is free.
The lawn is cold and wet against the soles of his feet, and the night air bites at his skin, but he feels almost nothing. He is in some sort of daze. Sid is walking towards him, and he realises then that he is going to have to lie about this night for the rest of his life.
"I don't think I could have been completely unconscious," a voice says, loudly, suddenly, and Tony turns from his computer to see Effy standing in his doorway. It is the longest sentence he's heard her say in a long time, and it takes him a few seconds to get over the shock and comprehend what she has just said.
"I mean, I mostly was. But I could hear what was going on, a lot of the time. Even though I couldn't move."
Tony is speechless. He feels like he and Effy have swapped roles as she keeps on talking.
"You asked why, and Josh said he thought you knew why, but I didn't know why," she continues, "I guess it didn't matter, though, did it? I was just a doll. A dead girl. Anything. A prop. I don't know."
She sits on his bed.
"I could feel everything, Tony. I could. I could tell what was going on,"
Tony has no idea what to say to this. He doesn't know what she means - whether she means she could tell that he was having sex with her, or that she could tell something else - but he doesn't want to ask.
"I know that you liked it," she says simply.
"I didn't like it, Effy," is all he can think to say. It's the truth. Every second of it was horrific, knowing he was doing things to her without her permission.
"I know that you liked the idea of it," she says, louder this time, more insistent. "You would've liked it if I'd been awake, if I'd wanted you to do it as well,"
Tony knows that she is right, but he also knows she must now believe she is wrong. The idea of admitting these things to her is terrifying. It was hard enough for him to admit them to himself, and he still doesn't even feel he has done that fully.
"Effy, I had to do it. I don't know if you heard Josh before, but he said that if I did it, then I could take to you a hospital and you'd be okay," Tony tells her. He has no idea how he appears to her now - if she can tell that she has just exposed his deepest secret.
"I know that you had to, Tony, that's not the point," Effy says, exasperated. "Tony, tell me you love me."
"What?" Tony is grappling with the conversation now, every word she says seems to slip out of his hands. "I love you. Of course I love you."
He goes over to her, now, sits next to her on the bed. He is suddenly scared that Effy will be permanently scarred by what happened, that she will think that if somebody loves her, they can do whatever they want to her and she will be unable to stop them.
"Effy, I did it because I love you, and I wanted you to be safe, and I wanted you to survive," he tells her, putting his hand over hers. "I love you. Sometimes I think I love you more than anybody else in the world, but don't you dare ever quote me on that because I sound like a girl,"
Effy laughs, then without any warning at all she kisses him. Once, quickly, but on the lips.
"I love you too," she says, her voice seeming to be full of desperation, and their faces just seem to be getting closer and closer though neither of them feels as though they are moving. Their lips touch again, so lightly, almost as if it is by mistake, and then they hesitate, knowing that what they choose to do now will change everything, forever.
They kiss each other. They kiss each other for so long that Tony very nearly forgets how to do anything else at all. It feels like he has been doing this his entire life, and maybe it is what has been missing.
Effy whispers to him, "I'm awake and I want you to do it as well."
and Tony knows then that there are going to be some things he'll take to the grave.