(no subject)
so, today was an okay day. i feel content. i feel, trying to be positive, that right now isnt even a good time for me to be in a relationship. i miss him so much, i miss having that love in every breath that i take but maybe it would be a distraction. this is the time where im stabilizing myself for the rest of my life, and its not a bad thing that im doing it alone- because no matter who comes and goes, i will always be here. i need to learn how to be okay on my own before i am completely happy with everything else. i believe, however, that if the circumstances were different, that "being busy" is not an excuse to end a relationship. i have been thinking about it a lot, and if i find someone, i stick with them. no matter what we have to go thru- it wont matter. its so strange how new aquaintances know old friends and sometimes old aquaintances make new friends and weird things. like, this girl lauren who i met recently and is in my english class.. i found pictures of her with chelsea bertolo. i dont know, i just wonder what their friendship is like and its funny how she had no idea that i even know who she is. i think a dandelion symbolizes this. it sounds stupid, but im serious. this beautiful flower, actually weed, is made up of all different little seeds. after a while the seeds blow away and make whole new flowers. no matter who youve known, they are in a completely different part of their life. and current friends have had a whole past before you. and this is the whole thing that makes up the world.
things are pretty busy. maybe its not so bad i lost my job. as much as i miss crazy friday nights and my cold stone family, its nice to have some time to only have school as an obligation. its nice to be with my friends every night and enjoy every second with them, even though i already do that.
i really would love to go see alex. its something im craving right now. its something i feel in my bones that i want to do. i kind of miss the smell of syracuse and seeing the environment shes in everyday. shes really busy though and she told me that i could come this weekend but thats in two days and i would have to buy the tickets tomorrow. not only that but im supposed to hang out with kelly saturday. i havent seen kelly for longer than i havent seen alex, and i know its not an offer i get often. ive decided im putting everything behind me. i miss kelly, and although we might never be as close as we once were im not bitter. i love kelly, she influenced me a lot, and im just going to take things a day at a time. i am happy that she fell in love and i cant blame her for that. she deserves it. anyway, i should probably leave alex her weekend without me. i know a lot is going on with her and she probably needs time to spend with kirstin anyway. the last thing i would want is to go there and feel uncomfortable.
i feel weird writing publically, more than ever. there is something about writing in a journal, however, that i just cant do. maybe its because i feel better typing, but maybe because for me to really write things down and get it out and let it go it has to be out in the open. because thats me for you, im open. and i need people to be happy.
i need people to be happy.
things are pretty busy. maybe its not so bad i lost my job. as much as i miss crazy friday nights and my cold stone family, its nice to have some time to only have school as an obligation. its nice to be with my friends every night and enjoy every second with them, even though i already do that.
i really would love to go see alex. its something im craving right now. its something i feel in my bones that i want to do. i kind of miss the smell of syracuse and seeing the environment shes in everyday. shes really busy though and she told me that i could come this weekend but thats in two days and i would have to buy the tickets tomorrow. not only that but im supposed to hang out with kelly saturday. i havent seen kelly for longer than i havent seen alex, and i know its not an offer i get often. ive decided im putting everything behind me. i miss kelly, and although we might never be as close as we once were im not bitter. i love kelly, she influenced me a lot, and im just going to take things a day at a time. i am happy that she fell in love and i cant blame her for that. she deserves it. anyway, i should probably leave alex her weekend without me. i know a lot is going on with her and she probably needs time to spend with kirstin anyway. the last thing i would want is to go there and feel uncomfortable.
i feel weird writing publically, more than ever. there is something about writing in a journal, however, that i just cant do. maybe its because i feel better typing, but maybe because for me to really write things down and get it out and let it go it has to be out in the open. because thats me for you, im open. and i need people to be happy.
i need people to be happy.