how long will it last this time?

[likeapalejewel]

i havent been on here for a while
and its not that i havent had stuff to say
or that i havent been bored
because trust me i have
so i dont know why i havent written
summers over
summer is long over actually
but i dont like thinking about that
for a while i thought this year would be different
i thought that i could stay myself all year
but after a couple weeks im already gone
im blank, i feel like im not even there
even when im happy its just an act
i stare into space and have no clue what goes on around me
i get lost in school and cant hear people
even when i try to hear them
maybe you'd call that depression
but i dont know about that
i just know im getting sad again
the kind of i always get
the kind of sad where nothing matters
and you cant wait to fall asleep at night
i dont understand it
i wish i did
because maybe then i could make it go away
but for now
i cant