Please, Don't (one-shot)
Title: Please, Don't (One-shot)
Author: xlolitsnozomix
Pairing: Taemin / Kibum
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, romance
Words: 2990
Summary: Taemin is frustrated about the way he feels, but there seems to be much more serious frustrations underneath the surface.
A/N: written for shawol_haven fic challenge 008 :) please vote for me if you enjoyed the story~!
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The light haired boy threw his magazine down almost in frustration down on the ground beside his bed and flung himself backwards against the smooth sheets and the silky linens laid on upon his mattress. His head almost hit the backboard of the bed and he swiftly rolled over to avoid the collision just in time, slumping against the mattress as a result.
Taemin sighed heavily, running shaking fingers through his hair. What had happened to him?
The usually composed, usually never frustrated Lee Taemin? What had happened?
That had happened, he realized as he glanced to the door leading to the bathroom. He knew who was in there -- primping his hair and making himself look ridiculously perfect even though none of them had plans to go out that night. They were just going to have a nice meal at home and then settle down in front of the television like they always did. Why did he have to go to such lengths to make Taemin’s heart pump wildly in his chest? Why did he have to always look flawless and so damn gorgeous?
---
He couldn’t remember when it had started. But it hadn’t mattered, because it hadn’t gone away since then. It only grew stronger and stronger with each passing day and Taemin could do nothing to stop it.
Taemin remembered the way that Kibum would cook him his meals in the morning and send him off to school with a chaste kiss on his flushed frozen cheeks. He remembered how Kibum would smile ever so softly at the dim hours in the morning before the sun had even risen yet, and he would wrap Taemin’s neck with a soft woolen scarf that Taemin suspected Kibum had knitted himself. And no one in the apartment would notice the way Taemin’s eyes lit up and his cheeks grew warm beneath this other boy’s touches and smiles and breaths that tickled his bare skin. No one would know because they would be the only two who were awake.
He remembered the way that Kibum would press a pair of warm mittens into Taemin’s palms before brushing his lips ever so slightly against the maknae’s forehead and waving him off. “Have a nice day at school,” Kibum would always say and Taemin would nod and slip his fingers into the mittens.
It was supposed to be a motherly kind of doting, a maternal caring and affection.
But then one day, it had become more than that and Taemin couldn’t go back no matter how hard he tried.
---
Dinner that night was strangely bleaker than usual and Taemin was surprised to see that Kibum’s eyes and hair were a little less than perfect when he finally came out of that bathroom. He could have sworn the diva was in there all that time brushing through his hair a million times. But apparently, that wasn’t the case.
His eyes were not shining brightly and beautifully as Taemin had remembered. Instead, they were rimmed with red and his eyelashes looked wet. He still managed a soft, sad smile at the maknae before he wandered off to the kitchen to cook them up something - or so Taemin had thought.
Immediately, Taemin took this behavior as a warning to something catastrophic and he got to his feet as quickly as he could and rushed after the other boy, heart pounding wildly in his chest. Just what had gotten into Key?
The bright light from the kitchen and dining room made Taemin squint as he hid behind a wall and stared at Kibum who had his hands on his hips and stood in the middle of the kitchen. The other three boys were strewn out all over the living room. Limbs were unidentifiable as they all stared at the football game playing on the screen.
This does not look good, Taemin thought worriedly to himself and his stomach suddenly did anxious backflips.
“Yah, listen up!” Kibum suddenly shouted, reaching for the remote and flicking off the television. This caught Minho’s and Jonghyun’s attention and they looked up at the other boy, groaning in annoyance.
Onew was already on his feet, eyes wild as if he were sensing something lethal was about to occur.
“I’m not your fucking mother so I’m not cooking tonight. Microwave something from the freezer or cook your own goddamn food. I don’t get any fucking respect from anyone around here and I’m damn tired of it-“
“Kibum, wait. What’s going-“ Onew tried to interrupt but Key kept on going as if he couldn’t stop.
“I didn’t take care of everyone so meticulously just to get stabbed in the back. Good night. I don’t wanna see another one of your dimwitted faces again tonight so don’t bother talking to me. I hope you all starve for all I care!” And with that final word of his sincerity, the furious boy stomped his way out of the kitchen and into the hallway, slamming the door extra hard just for good measure. Kibum had thought he was safe and alone in the shadows of his empty bedroom, but little did he know that a frightened Taemin stood hiding in the closet, staring out at the older boy in the darkness.
---
“The hell was that?” Minho asked incredulously, a bit more flustered than his usual quiet self.
Onew shrugged, still a bit shaken up from the drama that had gone on earlier.
“I mean he does that every now and then but what the hell’s up with the backstabbing shit? We didn’t do anything, did we?” Minho went on, getting a bit angrier now. He glanced over at Jonghyun for some kind of input, but the boy didn’t say anything, just stared blankly at the wall.
Onew shrugged again, “Maybe he’s just having a hard time. Leave him alone. I bet he’ll be over it by tomorrow at the latest. You know how fast his mood swings go by.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Minho muttered, a bit angry because he honestly had not done anything to piss off the diva as he as he was concerned.
Jonghyun just stared blankly at the wall, his eyes unfocused as if he were lost in thought about something.
---
Kibum stomped his way all over to his bed which was of course carefully made with the blankets nicely folded up in one corner and the pillow fluffed just to the right amount.
Now, Taemin had often seen Kibum cry - he wasn’t exactly one to hold back his emotions. He found Kibum crying in the bathroom stall when they had won their first award, salty tears mixing in with his sharp laughter of disbelief. And he would cry when they were watching a sad drama or he would end up sobbing shamelessly during a tearjerker movie - Kibum was never good at handling those. Taemin would always be by his side, rubbing soothing circles on his lower back and whispering calming words with a gentle smile. Seeing Key cry made Taemin’s heart clench in ways he couldn’t even begin to describe. That was the reason that he plastered a smile on his face and tried his best to always cheer up the older boy. Taemin would have Key sniffling away the last bit of his tears and return to his usual self again in no time.
But this time…this time, there was something truly wrong and Taemin had no idea what could have broken Kibum this much. First came the slight sniffling, and then the way that Kibum curled his lanky arms around his legs, head tucked against his arms and the sobbing noises grew louder and louder, till he was practically bawling. Taemin swallowed and tried to bite down and the lump that was growing in his throat. He tried to drown out the louder sound of panic rushing in his ears because he noticed that Kibum was saying something to himself between his broken sobs.
“Fucking bastard,” Kibum hiccupped and then rubbed at his eyes - raw and lined with tears - that much Taemin could tell in the dark. “Fucking… all this I did for him and he goes an-and…just fucking--!” and Kibum’s voice broke too much that he couldn’t go on any longer, only clutched at his chest and sobbed silently, muffling his sobs that wracked his body violently as he smothered his face in the sheets.
Taemin couldn’t even imagine how much pain Kibum was going through. He had never seen the boy cry like this before - so uncontrollably.
The younger boy pressed a palm against his own chest to try and hold down the bubbling emotions he felt inside of him. He had to find out what was wrong.
He wanted to call out to Kibum, wanted to wrap his arms around the other boy and press warm kisses to his forehead and tell him that whatever happened, everything would be alright and that Taemin would never leave his side. He wanted to pull him into a hug and squeeze him so hard that all the pain would just melt away. He wanted to replace whatever kind of heartbreak there was with warmth and comfort. But through Kibum’s angry, broken shouts Taemin knew deep inside that Kibum longed for someone else’s care and not his.
He couldn’t help it though, he just had to do something because he felt like his insides were ripping apart at the sight. He couldn’t even feel his fingers anymore because the pain from inside made him feel numb. The lump in his throat had grown so big that he couldn’t even swallow anymore, and the misty tears that had formed were threatened to spill over his face. “Kibum please, stop crying like this. Stop breaking my heart,” Taemin wanted to shout at the older boy and storm out of the room.
Instead, he stood up and without much thought, called out Kibum’s name softly in the darkness. The bewildered older boy gasped audibly and hiccupped - his sobs halting momentarily as he swiftly turned around with frightened wide eyes, “Who’s there?” he rasped with panic lining his voice.
“It’s me hyung,” Taemin replied softly. “Sorry if I scared you,” he added quickly. He cautiously made his way over to the bed from the shadows of the closet he was hiding in.
“Taemin?” Kibum asked incredulously. He squinted into the darkness to stare at the younger boy and swiftly wiped his tears away with his sleeve, hiccupping again. “What are you doing in here? … did you hear all of that?” Kibum asked, eyes wide open.
Taemin didn’t know what to do - his limbs froze up suddenly and he just nodded ever so slightly. The tear-streaks were still glaringly obvious on Kibum’s perfect cheeks and he had an overwhelming urge to kiss them dry.
Without another moment’s hesitation, Taemin took a couple steps and sat himself down on the mattress beside a bewildered Kibum, eyes wide but still rimmed with tears. He sniffled again.
In a second, Taemin had no idea what he was doing anymore, and he couldn’t understand why he could no longer control his body. Because at that moment, he leaned in towards the older boy and wrapped his arms tightly around Kibum’s thin frame and squeezed their bodies together tightly.
“Umma,” he whispered in the dark of their room and that one word that represented their earlier years and days before debut - all the bittersweet memories they spent together - the word that was a nickname Taemin had given Key for being like a mother to him, burned all the tension in the air into smoldering ashes that fell solemnly to the ground.
“Please, don’t do this to me,” Taemin found himself rasping. He went on, as he were afraid of stopping and having Kibum push him away, “Please don’t do that to yourself because it breaks my heart. It hurts me more than you can ever imagine. Please,” Taemin found himself gasping, as if he were lacking oxygen and he clutched so strongly to the other boy that he was afraid he had stopped some kind of blood flow.
“I can take anything, but I can’t take it when I see you like that. God, Kibum, why would you do that? What was so horrible that it would make you sob so miserably like that?” Taemin blurted, tears threaten to flow from his eyes and his throat was threatening to close up on him.
“Taemin…” Kibum said softly, trying to pull the other boy away from him so that he could brush way the maknae’s own tears that he felt on his skin - hot and wet. “I’m sorry, Taemin. I didn’t know I could affect you like this… I didn’t mean to hurt you too.”
“Just tell me, hyung. Tell what was so horrible that you-that it would make you tear yourself down like this?” Taemin whispered, pulling away now and the red-rimmed eyes he had matched Key’s perfectly.
The older boy looked ashamed and stared down at the pattern on the sheets.
“It’s…nothing,” he began but Taemin cut him off.
“Hyung please, I need to know. Please,” the younger boy begged.
Kibum looked so helpless and broken in the shadows of the dark night that Taemin just wanted to pull him close again and fall asleep with their heartbeats matching in unison and their hands entwined perfectly.
The older boy looked up at Taemin with wet eyelashes and a heartbreaking look on his face. “I thought…that he felt something for me, Taemin. I was so convinced there was something there. He kept…” Kibum’s voice broke suddenly, but he swallowed and continued, “he kept leading me on and and playing with my feelings. He kept acting like there was something special. But then…” Kibum’s voice broke and he smothered his face in his palms.
Finally, everything clicked and Taemin understood. Finally. It all made sense now.
“Then he announced that he had a girlfriend, right?” Taemin finished for him, pulling Key’s hands away from his face.
Key’s head jerked upwards and he stared at Taemin speechlessly. “H-how did you know who I was talking about…?”
“I know a lot more than you think, hyung. Don’t think I’m a child anymore. I’m not.” Taemin tried offering a light smile at the sniffling boy.
“Did you love him that much?” Taemin asked quietly and the tension that came back was so thick it felt smothering.
Key stared at the bed again. He shrugged and bit back more tears. “I don’t know what I felt. I just know I was being stupid and careless with my heart. I shouldn’t have trusted him with something like that. He didn’t deserve it. I was being so dumb I just -“
“You couldn’t help it. Stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault who you end up liking. You had no choice.”
“Taemin…” Kibum glanced at the maknae again, eyes brimming with tears. “Thank you. I won’t …I won’t do that again. I won’t give my heart away like that again…I promise…”
Taemin paused for a long time and tried to smile but with no avail.
“Not even to me?” Taemin whispered, too afraid to meet his hyung’s eyes. Kibum looked up at him questioningly with a confused expression.
“I love you,” Taemin blurted, shutting his eyes and clenching his fist into the sheets, eyes averting Kibum’s. “I’m sorry I’m springing this on you right now. It’s not a good time, I know. I just can’t… I can’t hold it in anymore hyung, I’m really sorry.” Taemin continued, his words were coming out so fast that he couldn’t seem to control what came out of his mouth. “I love you. I can’t help it either, but I love you so much my insides ache when I think about you being hurt. I love you so much I don’t know what to do with myself and when you smile at me or touch me my heart feels like it’s melting and I can’t think. I can’t talk and eat and I can’t even breathe like a normal fucking person. Oh God, and then you … you do this to me and I just can’t take it. Kibum, please. Don’t do that,” Taemin was on the verge of breaking down and he felt the heat of the tears coming when suddenly, warmth enveloped his mouth.
He pressed back, tears flowing down his cheeks, but he shut his eyes and almost passed out from the rate his heart was pounding against his chest. Taemin returned Kibum’s kiss with more fervor than either of them had anticipated and Taemin felt something inside of him melt away as if he had no other worries in the world. He felt Kibum’s hands tangle in his honey-blonde hair and his wet eyelashes brush against Taemin’s cheeks.
If this was practically incest and was so wrong, why did it feel so damn right?
“If you don’t want me be like that, then you shouldn’t do it either,” Key mouthed as his lips curled into a soft smile against Taemin’s open lips and then their tongues were entangling again and Taemin couldn’t recall how to think or how to speak in Korean anymore because he lost himself completely in the warmth. Suddenly, the darkness didn’t seem so empty and cold anymore.
---
“What would you like for breakfast?” Key smiled gently at Taemin the next morning.
“I want us to push our two beds together,” Taemin announced. “I hate that stupid gap.”
A couple minutes passed with Kibum just staring at the latter. He just found himself smiling again. He nodded.
And with that, Taemin pulled Key down onto the mattress and pressed their lips together eagerly, their tongues brushing hotly against the other. “You’re spoiling me again, Umma,” Taemin breathed against the other boy’s ear and it was his turn to fight the erratic pounding of his own heart.
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A/N: to be honest, I've always been a HUGE taekey shipper. just never really showed it haha. I love TAEKEY~~~ they are too precious! hope u enjoyed it! please vote for me :)
I havent written anything short and sweet in a while because i've been pretty busy with finishing up my nanowrimo and getting it printed ... it's getting ridiculously long btw -__- so yeah i havent written anything like this for a while. it felt nice :)
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