Two Years, Three Months, and Five Days (one-shot)
Title: Two Years, Three Months, and Five Days (one-shot)
Author: xlolitsnozomix
Pairing: Ryojin (ryo x jin)
Rating: R
Genre: angst, romance, not really AU cuz you know, Ryo really CAN leave JE :x
Beta: my one-shots aren't beta-ed
A/N: Because they need more love. And because I needed to write a realistic story for once. enjoy. kay?(:
Dedicated to:chiechan17
----------------------------------------------
No one would’ve ever guessed. No, they wouldn’t have ever even thought about it in a million years. And it definitely wouldn’t have Ryo. But most all, it wouldn’t have been Jin. Definitely not Jin. If Ryo was asked why, he wouldn’t even know the real answer. Maybe his heart was just strange. He even sometimes sits alone thinking to himself, why Akanishi?
And then a sort of unexpected voice echoes in his head: Because he won’t tell. No one would expect Akanishi to know.
Of course. Yeah, that was definitely why…
Right?
---
Believe it or not (Ryo couldn’t believe it himself), it has been two years. Two years since he’s seen Yamapi. Two years since he’s seen Koyama. Two years since he’s spoken a single word to Tegoshi. As a matter of fact, it’s been two years since he’s had any contact with any of the members in his band. Two long, long years. At the beginning everyone was scared, frightened. They thought he’d been abducted and gone missing because someone took him away. But none of them knew he did it out of free will.
Johnny’s Entertainment? Pfft, fuck that. He hates that old man and his stupid fucking company that does nothing but makes obsessive fangirls go bankrupt.
He can’t remember the way Kame’s voice sounds or the way Tatsuya looks or the way he used to be “bestest” friends with Uchi. If he thinks about it hard enough, it might’ve been just an act the whole time-their entire friendship was probably an act.
Oh, and what’s even funnier? Member ai? Hah, that was even more a big joke than everything else. There was never any fucking member ai they made up, most of them hated each other. Well Ryo had a personal exception for Yamapi and Koyama since they were in the least tolerable. And the other amusing thing was that all the claiming that he hated Ueda? Not true a single bit. He didn’t even know the other guy, let alone have the chance to hate him. He just never liked his face, that was all. All that other drama shit with Tatsuya was completely staged.
The honest truth? He actually hated Akanishi more than anyone else in the Jimusho. Sadly, that true fact was something no one else knew.
God, that guy was fucking annoying. He would always be readily bragging about some pretty blonde girl he’d been fucking the night before and how much he made her scream and all that other gruesome, pointless, shit. Ryo didn’t give a fuck about what Jin was up to late at night and who he was up to late at night and he was sure no one else did either. And no one wanted to hear it, that was for sure. Not only that, but Jin was a fucking insensitive jerk-not that Ryo was saying he, himself was super sensitive or pleasant or anything, but he had decent mannerisms compared to Jin. It made Ryo fume the way Jin would just not shut his trap about the whores he managed to pull into bed - especially when he was in the presence of Kame. Even a stranger, no, even a blind person, could tell at an instance that the poor Kamenashi guy loved Jin. What he saw in that asshole, Ryo never knew, nor did he want to know. But nonetheless, Kame loved him undeniably and it was so fucking obvious. Jin, being the thoughtless, arrogant dumbass that he was, paid no attention to Kame’s reactions and didn’t even bother sparing his feelings when he knew fully well of the way Kame felt about him.
It was atrocious, the way Jin held his stupid head up high and walked around like he was the emperor of Japan and like he owned everything. It made Ryo sick, it really did. He genuinely felt bad for the KT-TUN guys to have to deal with that son a bitch.
If Ryo was to admit to himself, he would either strangle Jin to death or he would commit suicide if he was ever put in the same band with him.
But, despite all the things and ways and reasons Ryo despised the other man, he was the person Ryo gave the note to. Ryo had no idea himself why he did it. Why he chose to give it to the guy he hated most. In the end, things in life never turn out the way you expect, or prefer. But all things happen for a reason.
---
It was the 700th something day since Ryo had been gone. He’d never told anyone where it was he’d gone to. Everyone except Jin-the guy he told himself he despised. Ryo thinks he’s gotta be fucking insane for doing that.
It’s noon inside the café, Ryo checks the big round clock on the wall for the millionth time and clicks his tongue, the seats are all empty today thanks to the downpour outside, the sky a threatening gray. Something aches deep inside him as he tries to remember all the things that have happened with him and Jin the two past years. He doesn’t hate him as much anymore, he realizes. Jin’s not as bad as he used to be-or maybe he just acts different towards Ryo because he can’t understand why Ryo did what he did. Ryo just got sick of the stardom, that was all.
Suddenly, there’s a series of short hurried steps coming from outside in the rain and Ryo hurries to the door to see who it was, splatters of raindrops hitting his skin like bullets. It’s cold and freezing and bleak. And it just hurts.
Ryo finds himself smiling for some reason as he sees Jin running up the pathway, a broken umbrella in his hand and a worried look on his face. His shoes and jeans are drenched but he doesn’t seem to mind as he silently slips into the café. Ryo takes note that his hair is in a beanie and a his clothes are piled atop each other-layer upon layer and he has large, tinted sunglasses covering half his face-all this is for Ryo’s sake, Ryo grasps, to disguise himself so that when he goes to see Ryo, no one would accidentally find out.
Why is Jin doing this?
“Ryo,” Akanishi gasps as she shakes the water off his big black coat, folding up the torn, wet umbrella neatly and setting it down on a table.
“Why did you come today?” is Ryo’s response, his eyes flicking to the messy hair on top of Jin’s head as he removes the beanie.
“I missed you,” Jin says a matter-of-factly as he looks Ryo in the eye. He’s serious…
Ryo’s suddenly spellbound at this and he stutters for an embarrassing moment before he says coolly, “Come in, there’s no one here today so no need to take precautions, I’ll get you some coffee.”
---
Akanishi,
I don’t know why I’m giving this to you of all people. I honestly don’t know. You can choose to keep this or you can throw it away after you read it-I don’t care what you do, just don’t let a SINGLE other soul know about it. Jin, I’m leaving Johnny’s. I’ve decided a year ago. I hate life there. I hate it so badly. I don’t think I can stand it anymore. So I’m escaping. Everyone will probably think that I’ve gotten kidnapped or something, but that’s okay. I want them to think that. If you’re curious as to where I’m going, I’ll even tell you. I just trust you not to tell anyone where I am. I’ll be in hiding at a little fisherman’s town at the edge of Aomori. There’s no one here but a couple aged locals and there’s barely any technology around these parts so no one knows who I am. I want it this way. This is it-Ryo Nishikido doesn’t exist anymore in JE from this day forward. And you’re the only one that knows. Keep it a secret for me if you want to live.
Thanks,bye.
--Nishikido.
P.S. If you ever want to come find me, I’ll be working in a small café called Murasaki, like your song.
---
“You make pretty impressive coffee for a runaway,” Jin mocks as he sips the steaming beverage cautiously, careful not to burn his tongue.
Ryo’s too tired to make a decent comeback so he just smiles back quickly and returns to twirling the straw around in his mug, the smoke rising from it his blurs his vision momentarily.
They sit there for a long time, not knowing what to say, mostly, and how to say it. It’s beyond awkward. It must be different for Jin though because he gets with people every other night and he must be pretty experienced in dealing with awkward meetings.
It’s the 23rd time Jin’s gone all the way out here in this deserted town to visit him. Not like Ryo’s been counting or anything like that, of course. It’s silent all around but the pitter-patter of the rain makes the quietness a bit easier to bear with.
“I was gonna ask you something when I decided to come out, here Nishikido-san,” says Akanishi nonchalantly, eyes still staring at the patterns of cream on his coffee like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Ryo follows suit, not being able to handle looking at Jin for any prolonged amount of time.
“Uhh…sure, go ahead…”
There’s a moment of more silence. He hears the man across the table take in a deep breath and exhale, the heat of his breathing forming a little cloud in the freezing cold air.
“I was just wondering…do you ever miss them…?”
Ryo doesn’t know why, exactly, but he decides to play dumb because he knows exactly what Jin is talking about, “Miss who?”
“You know, the guys in the band. They miss you a lot, you know. NEWS…isn’t quite NEWS anymore. Even though the snarky, rude member isn’t in the band anymore which leaves even more space for member ai, it’s simply not the same.”
“Hmm…yeah…” replies Ryo, still looking down at his drink and sips slowly. The hot liquid burns his tongue and his fingers are red and raw but he acts like nothing’s wrong.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just…I don’t know. What do you want me to say?” Ryo’s voice is almost a whisper. And then he might be even crazier when the next words spill out of his mouth but he can’t quite help it. “You should. Maybe you should leave Ji- I mean, Akanishi. We don’t want people to think you’ve gone missing too.”
“I wish you’d come back some day. Everyone misses you. And it kills me to know that I'm the only one that knows yet I can’t help anyone else from hurting. You’re just afraid, Nishikido,” Jin hisses as he says the last words and stands up to go, obeying Ryo’s icy words. The words that he didn’t mean.
The four words that slip of Jin’s tongue nearly rips Ryo’s heart out and he feels like there’s a giant gash open on his chest. They echo is his head a couple times, you’re just afraid, Nishikido. Ryo takes a deep breath and stands up too, eyes boring into Jin’s face as the other starts to slip on the coat.
Just as Jin silently walks over to pick up the umbrella, Ryo takes a look around the shop. The empty red leather stools at the counter and the black plastic chairs that surrounds the wooden tables with their checkered table covers. There’s the big tick tocking clock on the wall and the hollow silence of the place and the shadows crawling on the walls. And Ryo realizes he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. He’s so tired of being lonely.
Yet, Ryo’s still stubborn as ever so instead of saying something like Please don’t go, I’m sorry I made a mistake, don’t leave me alone Jin, just as Jin is walking over to the door, opening the umbrella to greet the endless pounding of the raindrops, he blurts out,
“H-hey Jin. Could you.. tell Tomohisa I’m still alive?”
Jin turns on his heel and looks at Ryo peculiarly. Like he’s not sure what to say next. Ryo almost immediately regrets calling him back because then there’s that awkward feeling rising through them again and he feels his palms turning into sweat despite the cold weather.
Then, Jin’s mouth curves into a smile and he says, “Sure…”
“Uhh…thanks…?” Ryo says it like it’s a question.
Jin stands there looking at him a few more seconds before he breaks the tense silence with,
“I think I’ll wait until the rain slows down a bit…unless you want me to leave…now.”
“Oh! No, no, please…stay.”
And when they are back at the table with Jin stripped bare of anything but his simple collared long-sleeve shirt and his drenched jeans, their hands are brushing and their legs are touching and Ryo just doesn’t know quite what to do. He’s never imagined it being Jin. Jin of all people. Jin the man whore. Jin the guy he supposedly hates most in the entire world.
And yet now Jin is his only companion. His only source to the real world-to civilization. His only friend.
Then Ryo thinks, he just might. Might. Love Akanishi. Despite all the name-calling and the glaring and the threats. Despite the hatred and the anger and the pity-he thinks he loves him. Loves him for coming to visit Ryo every month even though Ryo knows it’s inconvenient for him and he’s usually too busy. Loves him for not telling anyone about their secret. Loves him for caring about Ryo even though he sort of knew Ryo used to hate him with a passion
It’s a love-hate thing-their relationship. It’s all sort of complicated and it gives him a headache whenever he thinks about it.
And then suddenly, Jin’s extremely close to him. Too close to him. His hands are brushing Ryo’s bare arms and his breath is mingling between Ryo’s own short, abrupt inhales and a shiver crawls up his spine involuntarily. His eyelashes are tickling Ryo’s cheeks and his voice is low in Ryo’s ear and everything’s suddenly too hot and fast and blurry. Then lips are on his-pressing, urging, caressing and Ryo feels the knot in his stomach tighten and the lump in his throat growing and growing. Jin’s fingers are lacing into his hair and he’s mumbling Ryo you smell so good and I wish you’d stop being so selfish and stop running away. And Ryo finds himself kissing Jin back even though his heart is screaming no and his mind is echoing hateful thoughts but in spite of everything else, he’s pressing himself against Jin, hot and heavy and desperate until the voices get too loud in his head. There’s another heart-wrenching sensation and everything gets hard to see and it aches to breathe. And Ryo is forced to push Jin away.
He likes Jin. No, he might even love Jin. He likes him a lot, a lot-but for some reason, it all feels wrong. Everything is not supposed to happen like this, no. No. Jin’s not supposed to be the one he ends up falling in love with. It’s not supposed to be Jin. It can’t happen. It’s not supposed to happen like this, his mind hisses for the hundredth and he’s backing away from Jin, feeling embarrassed and like a fool. He doesn’t even understand himself but he just doesn’t want it to be like that at all. He feels something stinging inside and then: No, no, don’t cry. And even before he knows it, there’s hot tears forcing their way out and he’s running over to pick up Jin’s jackets and throwing it at him blindly, hiding his face and those stupid tears.
“Sorry…oh god…I’m sorry. I-I can’t. Jin you should leave. You have to go,” he says and his voice cracks. He doesn’t look at Jin-feeling ashamed and stupid and lame. He can feel ears redden and the tears trickle down slowly and he wipes them away with frustration. He realizes that he’s making a fool of himself. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all and everything was a big, fat mistake.
“Ryo. Ryo, look at me, it’s okay. Really, just calm down, chill out, okay?” Jin says soothingly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Ryo doesn’t buy it, he’s too blind in his emotions to think clearly so he nearly screams, “GO! JIN, JUST PLEASE LEAVE,” which only makes him look even more like an idiot and the next wave of hot tears are about to spill out any minute. Jin takes a final, regretful look at him and sighs heavily, muttering, “As you wish, Nishikido, as you wish.”
The last thing Ryo sees is Jin’s retreating back and the rain pouring around him until everything is engulfed in his blur of tears and he’s thinking it definitely wasn’t supposed to end this way either. Then Ryo’s all alone again. With the splashes of rain and the tick-tock of the clock and the empty café in this world where he has cut his ties from everyone. Everything was nice while it lasted. Sadly, ‘nothing gold can stay.’
---
It’s three long, empty months later and Ryo’s in a train rumbling down the tracks, huge black aviator sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose and he’s looking out the window at everything flying by. There’s a calming feeling in his heart despite the fact that he’s scared stiff. Jin was right: Ryo was simply scared and selfish. He was afraid to go back and he was selfish because he left everyone in his life for his own benefit. And in the end, it was all too lonely to handle. He couldn’t stand not having a best friend and he couldn’t stand having someone to confide in. Most of all, he couldn’t stand Jin coming to see him every month but then stopped because of that one horribly awkward day.
In the end, after two years, three months, and five days, Ryo is on his way back to the Jimusho, back to civilization and cities and traffic and the people he’s missed so much. Of course, there was absolutely no chance he would join Johnny’s again but all the same he had fought with his inner demon long enough and won-he was going back even though the thought of it scared him senseless. One day, he would have to take his deepest fears head on. Perhaps, this was the day.
He would show Akanishi that Ryo Nishikido was no longer scared and selfish. He would prove him wrong.
As the train nears its stop and screeches to a halt, Ryo grips his briefcase tightly and sucks in a cold breath of air, he’s ready to face whatever comes his way.
Maybe I’ll just tell Johnny I disappeared to Hawaii on vacation for two years, Ryo resolves as there’s a faint pang at the thought of Jin. Ryo predicts that the things between hi m and Jin would never be the same again, but one could never be too sure.
After all, there are things in life which you don’t expect. There are things that happen which you don’t prefer. But all things happen for a reason.
-------------------------end Ryojin-------------------------------
A/N: I was feeling like a BIG!FAT!PILE!OF ANGST today so i wrote this. i hope you liked it 8DD I was trying to think about how this would all happen and I tried my best. I hope it comes off as realistic. Sadly, I'm not a pretty gay Japanese idol who ran away so i couldn't do it that accurately-- sorry x3. In any case, i hope you enjoyed~~~ :D (i hope you feel better soon, chie >_<) comments pretty please? it would simply just make my day<33
oh and one more IMPORTANT NOTICE! --> i forgot to say earlier that this is new FIC JOURNAL so please feel free to add it for updates. Also, make sure you read my Welcome Post/ Semi-friends Post (<--click! ^^) before adding~ ^___^ there's like one important rule on there that you should know before adding me :D thank you(:
Author: xlolitsnozomix
Pairing: Ryojin (ryo x jin)
Rating: R
Genre: angst, romance, not really AU cuz you know, Ryo really CAN leave JE :x
Beta: my one-shots aren't beta-ed
A/N: Because they need more love. And because I needed to write a realistic story for once. enjoy. kay?(:
Dedicated to:chiechan17
----------------------------------------------
No one would’ve ever guessed. No, they wouldn’t have ever even thought about it in a million years. And it definitely wouldn’t have Ryo. But most all, it wouldn’t have been Jin. Definitely not Jin. If Ryo was asked why, he wouldn’t even know the real answer. Maybe his heart was just strange. He even sometimes sits alone thinking to himself, why Akanishi?
And then a sort of unexpected voice echoes in his head: Because he won’t tell. No one would expect Akanishi to know.
Of course. Yeah, that was definitely why…
Right?
---
Believe it or not (Ryo couldn’t believe it himself), it has been two years. Two years since he’s seen Yamapi. Two years since he’s seen Koyama. Two years since he’s spoken a single word to Tegoshi. As a matter of fact, it’s been two years since he’s had any contact with any of the members in his band. Two long, long years. At the beginning everyone was scared, frightened. They thought he’d been abducted and gone missing because someone took him away. But none of them knew he did it out of free will.
Johnny’s Entertainment? Pfft, fuck that. He hates that old man and his stupid fucking company that does nothing but makes obsessive fangirls go bankrupt.
He can’t remember the way Kame’s voice sounds or the way Tatsuya looks or the way he used to be “bestest” friends with Uchi. If he thinks about it hard enough, it might’ve been just an act the whole time-their entire friendship was probably an act.
Oh, and what’s even funnier? Member ai? Hah, that was even more a big joke than everything else. There was never any fucking member ai they made up, most of them hated each other. Well Ryo had a personal exception for Yamapi and Koyama since they were in the least tolerable. And the other amusing thing was that all the claiming that he hated Ueda? Not true a single bit. He didn’t even know the other guy, let alone have the chance to hate him. He just never liked his face, that was all. All that other drama shit with Tatsuya was completely staged.
The honest truth? He actually hated Akanishi more than anyone else in the Jimusho. Sadly, that true fact was something no one else knew.
God, that guy was fucking annoying. He would always be readily bragging about some pretty blonde girl he’d been fucking the night before and how much he made her scream and all that other gruesome, pointless, shit. Ryo didn’t give a fuck about what Jin was up to late at night and who he was up to late at night and he was sure no one else did either. And no one wanted to hear it, that was for sure. Not only that, but Jin was a fucking insensitive jerk-not that Ryo was saying he, himself was super sensitive or pleasant or anything, but he had decent mannerisms compared to Jin. It made Ryo fume the way Jin would just not shut his trap about the whores he managed to pull into bed - especially when he was in the presence of Kame. Even a stranger, no, even a blind person, could tell at an instance that the poor Kamenashi guy loved Jin. What he saw in that asshole, Ryo never knew, nor did he want to know. But nonetheless, Kame loved him undeniably and it was so fucking obvious. Jin, being the thoughtless, arrogant dumbass that he was, paid no attention to Kame’s reactions and didn’t even bother sparing his feelings when he knew fully well of the way Kame felt about him.
It was atrocious, the way Jin held his stupid head up high and walked around like he was the emperor of Japan and like he owned everything. It made Ryo sick, it really did. He genuinely felt bad for the KT-TUN guys to have to deal with that son a bitch.
If Ryo was to admit to himself, he would either strangle Jin to death or he would commit suicide if he was ever put in the same band with him.
But, despite all the things and ways and reasons Ryo despised the other man, he was the person Ryo gave the note to. Ryo had no idea himself why he did it. Why he chose to give it to the guy he hated most. In the end, things in life never turn out the way you expect, or prefer. But all things happen for a reason.
---
It was the 700th something day since Ryo had been gone. He’d never told anyone where it was he’d gone to. Everyone except Jin-the guy he told himself he despised. Ryo thinks he’s gotta be fucking insane for doing that.
It’s noon inside the café, Ryo checks the big round clock on the wall for the millionth time and clicks his tongue, the seats are all empty today thanks to the downpour outside, the sky a threatening gray. Something aches deep inside him as he tries to remember all the things that have happened with him and Jin the two past years. He doesn’t hate him as much anymore, he realizes. Jin’s not as bad as he used to be-or maybe he just acts different towards Ryo because he can’t understand why Ryo did what he did. Ryo just got sick of the stardom, that was all.
Suddenly, there’s a series of short hurried steps coming from outside in the rain and Ryo hurries to the door to see who it was, splatters of raindrops hitting his skin like bullets. It’s cold and freezing and bleak. And it just hurts.
Ryo finds himself smiling for some reason as he sees Jin running up the pathway, a broken umbrella in his hand and a worried look on his face. His shoes and jeans are drenched but he doesn’t seem to mind as he silently slips into the café. Ryo takes note that his hair is in a beanie and a his clothes are piled atop each other-layer upon layer and he has large, tinted sunglasses covering half his face-all this is for Ryo’s sake, Ryo grasps, to disguise himself so that when he goes to see Ryo, no one would accidentally find out.
Why is Jin doing this?
“Ryo,” Akanishi gasps as she shakes the water off his big black coat, folding up the torn, wet umbrella neatly and setting it down on a table.
“Why did you come today?” is Ryo’s response, his eyes flicking to the messy hair on top of Jin’s head as he removes the beanie.
“I missed you,” Jin says a matter-of-factly as he looks Ryo in the eye. He’s serious…
Ryo’s suddenly spellbound at this and he stutters for an embarrassing moment before he says coolly, “Come in, there’s no one here today so no need to take precautions, I’ll get you some coffee.”
---
Akanishi,
I don’t know why I’m giving this to you of all people. I honestly don’t know. You can choose to keep this or you can throw it away after you read it-I don’t care what you do, just don’t let a SINGLE other soul know about it. Jin, I’m leaving Johnny’s. I’ve decided a year ago. I hate life there. I hate it so badly. I don’t think I can stand it anymore. So I’m escaping. Everyone will probably think that I’ve gotten kidnapped or something, but that’s okay. I want them to think that. If you’re curious as to where I’m going, I’ll even tell you. I just trust you not to tell anyone where I am. I’ll be in hiding at a little fisherman’s town at the edge of Aomori. There’s no one here but a couple aged locals and there’s barely any technology around these parts so no one knows who I am. I want it this way. This is it-Ryo Nishikido doesn’t exist anymore in JE from this day forward. And you’re the only one that knows. Keep it a secret for me if you want to live.
Thanks,bye.
--Nishikido.
P.S. If you ever want to come find me, I’ll be working in a small café called Murasaki, like your song.
---
“You make pretty impressive coffee for a runaway,” Jin mocks as he sips the steaming beverage cautiously, careful not to burn his tongue.
Ryo’s too tired to make a decent comeback so he just smiles back quickly and returns to twirling the straw around in his mug, the smoke rising from it his blurs his vision momentarily.
They sit there for a long time, not knowing what to say, mostly, and how to say it. It’s beyond awkward. It must be different for Jin though because he gets with people every other night and he must be pretty experienced in dealing with awkward meetings.
It’s the 23rd time Jin’s gone all the way out here in this deserted town to visit him. Not like Ryo’s been counting or anything like that, of course. It’s silent all around but the pitter-patter of the rain makes the quietness a bit easier to bear with.
“I was gonna ask you something when I decided to come out, here Nishikido-san,” says Akanishi nonchalantly, eyes still staring at the patterns of cream on his coffee like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Ryo follows suit, not being able to handle looking at Jin for any prolonged amount of time.
“Uhh…sure, go ahead…”
There’s a moment of more silence. He hears the man across the table take in a deep breath and exhale, the heat of his breathing forming a little cloud in the freezing cold air.
“I was just wondering…do you ever miss them…?”
Ryo doesn’t know why, exactly, but he decides to play dumb because he knows exactly what Jin is talking about, “Miss who?”
“You know, the guys in the band. They miss you a lot, you know. NEWS…isn’t quite NEWS anymore. Even though the snarky, rude member isn’t in the band anymore which leaves even more space for member ai, it’s simply not the same.”
“Hmm…yeah…” replies Ryo, still looking down at his drink and sips slowly. The hot liquid burns his tongue and his fingers are red and raw but he acts like nothing’s wrong.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just…I don’t know. What do you want me to say?” Ryo’s voice is almost a whisper. And then he might be even crazier when the next words spill out of his mouth but he can’t quite help it. “You should. Maybe you should leave Ji- I mean, Akanishi. We don’t want people to think you’ve gone missing too.”
“I wish you’d come back some day. Everyone misses you. And it kills me to know that I'm the only one that knows yet I can’t help anyone else from hurting. You’re just afraid, Nishikido,” Jin hisses as he says the last words and stands up to go, obeying Ryo’s icy words. The words that he didn’t mean.
The four words that slip of Jin’s tongue nearly rips Ryo’s heart out and he feels like there’s a giant gash open on his chest. They echo is his head a couple times, you’re just afraid, Nishikido. Ryo takes a deep breath and stands up too, eyes boring into Jin’s face as the other starts to slip on the coat.
Just as Jin silently walks over to pick up the umbrella, Ryo takes a look around the shop. The empty red leather stools at the counter and the black plastic chairs that surrounds the wooden tables with their checkered table covers. There’s the big tick tocking clock on the wall and the hollow silence of the place and the shadows crawling on the walls. And Ryo realizes he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. He’s so tired of being lonely.
Yet, Ryo’s still stubborn as ever so instead of saying something like Please don’t go, I’m sorry I made a mistake, don’t leave me alone Jin, just as Jin is walking over to the door, opening the umbrella to greet the endless pounding of the raindrops, he blurts out,
“H-hey Jin. Could you.. tell Tomohisa I’m still alive?”
Jin turns on his heel and looks at Ryo peculiarly. Like he’s not sure what to say next. Ryo almost immediately regrets calling him back because then there’s that awkward feeling rising through them again and he feels his palms turning into sweat despite the cold weather.
Then, Jin’s mouth curves into a smile and he says, “Sure…”
“Uhh…thanks…?” Ryo says it like it’s a question.
Jin stands there looking at him a few more seconds before he breaks the tense silence with,
“I think I’ll wait until the rain slows down a bit…unless you want me to leave…now.”
“Oh! No, no, please…stay.”
And when they are back at the table with Jin stripped bare of anything but his simple collared long-sleeve shirt and his drenched jeans, their hands are brushing and their legs are touching and Ryo just doesn’t know quite what to do. He’s never imagined it being Jin. Jin of all people. Jin the man whore. Jin the guy he supposedly hates most in the entire world.
And yet now Jin is his only companion. His only source to the real world-to civilization. His only friend.
Then Ryo thinks, he just might. Might. Love Akanishi. Despite all the name-calling and the glaring and the threats. Despite the hatred and the anger and the pity-he thinks he loves him. Loves him for coming to visit Ryo every month even though Ryo knows it’s inconvenient for him and he’s usually too busy. Loves him for not telling anyone about their secret. Loves him for caring about Ryo even though he sort of knew Ryo used to hate him with a passion
It’s a love-hate thing-their relationship. It’s all sort of complicated and it gives him a headache whenever he thinks about it.
And then suddenly, Jin’s extremely close to him. Too close to him. His hands are brushing Ryo’s bare arms and his breath is mingling between Ryo’s own short, abrupt inhales and a shiver crawls up his spine involuntarily. His eyelashes are tickling Ryo’s cheeks and his voice is low in Ryo’s ear and everything’s suddenly too hot and fast and blurry. Then lips are on his-pressing, urging, caressing and Ryo feels the knot in his stomach tighten and the lump in his throat growing and growing. Jin’s fingers are lacing into his hair and he’s mumbling Ryo you smell so good and I wish you’d stop being so selfish and stop running away. And Ryo finds himself kissing Jin back even though his heart is screaming no and his mind is echoing hateful thoughts but in spite of everything else, he’s pressing himself against Jin, hot and heavy and desperate until the voices get too loud in his head. There’s another heart-wrenching sensation and everything gets hard to see and it aches to breathe. And Ryo is forced to push Jin away.
He likes Jin. No, he might even love Jin. He likes him a lot, a lot-but for some reason, it all feels wrong. Everything is not supposed to happen like this, no. No. Jin’s not supposed to be the one he ends up falling in love with. It’s not supposed to be Jin. It can’t happen. It’s not supposed to happen like this, his mind hisses for the hundredth and he’s backing away from Jin, feeling embarrassed and like a fool. He doesn’t even understand himself but he just doesn’t want it to be like that at all. He feels something stinging inside and then: No, no, don’t cry. And even before he knows it, there’s hot tears forcing their way out and he’s running over to pick up Jin’s jackets and throwing it at him blindly, hiding his face and those stupid tears.
“Sorry…oh god…I’m sorry. I-I can’t. Jin you should leave. You have to go,” he says and his voice cracks. He doesn’t look at Jin-feeling ashamed and stupid and lame. He can feel ears redden and the tears trickle down slowly and he wipes them away with frustration. He realizes that he’s making a fool of himself. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all and everything was a big, fat mistake.
“Ryo. Ryo, look at me, it’s okay. Really, just calm down, chill out, okay?” Jin says soothingly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Ryo doesn’t buy it, he’s too blind in his emotions to think clearly so he nearly screams, “GO! JIN, JUST PLEASE LEAVE,” which only makes him look even more like an idiot and the next wave of hot tears are about to spill out any minute. Jin takes a final, regretful look at him and sighs heavily, muttering, “As you wish, Nishikido, as you wish.”
The last thing Ryo sees is Jin’s retreating back and the rain pouring around him until everything is engulfed in his blur of tears and he’s thinking it definitely wasn’t supposed to end this way either. Then Ryo’s all alone again. With the splashes of rain and the tick-tock of the clock and the empty café in this world where he has cut his ties from everyone. Everything was nice while it lasted. Sadly, ‘nothing gold can stay.’
---
It’s three long, empty months later and Ryo’s in a train rumbling down the tracks, huge black aviator sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose and he’s looking out the window at everything flying by. There’s a calming feeling in his heart despite the fact that he’s scared stiff. Jin was right: Ryo was simply scared and selfish. He was afraid to go back and he was selfish because he left everyone in his life for his own benefit. And in the end, it was all too lonely to handle. He couldn’t stand not having a best friend and he couldn’t stand having someone to confide in. Most of all, he couldn’t stand Jin coming to see him every month but then stopped because of that one horribly awkward day.
In the end, after two years, three months, and five days, Ryo is on his way back to the Jimusho, back to civilization and cities and traffic and the people he’s missed so much. Of course, there was absolutely no chance he would join Johnny’s again but all the same he had fought with his inner demon long enough and won-he was going back even though the thought of it scared him senseless. One day, he would have to take his deepest fears head on. Perhaps, this was the day.
He would show Akanishi that Ryo Nishikido was no longer scared and selfish. He would prove him wrong.
As the train nears its stop and screeches to a halt, Ryo grips his briefcase tightly and sucks in a cold breath of air, he’s ready to face whatever comes his way.
Maybe I’ll just tell Johnny I disappeared to Hawaii on vacation for two years, Ryo resolves as there’s a faint pang at the thought of Jin. Ryo predicts that the things between hi m and Jin would never be the same again, but one could never be too sure.
After all, there are things in life which you don’t expect. There are things that happen which you don’t prefer. But all things happen for a reason.
-------------------------end Ryojin-------------------------------
A/N: I was feeling like a BIG!FAT!PILE!OF ANGST today so i wrote this. i hope you liked it 8DD I was trying to think about how this would all happen and I tried my best. I hope it comes off as realistic. Sadly, I'm not a pretty gay Japanese idol who ran away so i couldn't do it that accurately-- sorry x3. In any case, i hope you enjoyed~~~ :D (i hope you feel better soon, chie >_<) comments pretty please? it would simply just make my day<33
oh and one more IMPORTANT NOTICE! --> i forgot to say earlier that this is new FIC JOURNAL so please feel free to add it for updates. Also, make sure you read my Welcome Post/ Semi-friends Post (<--click! ^^) before adding~ ^___^ there's like one important rule on there that you should know before adding me :D thank you(: