Always My Father's Daughter
As I was working today one of my usual customers came in. It turned out that her husband's grandfather passed away this weekend. This grandfather was her husband's definition of dad, raising him... being there for him. And it got me to thinking about my dad. He passed on Friday, July 13th 2007. Looking back I realize how much my dad loved my family. To never walk out on us as I know he has done to others, to always be there for us to give us the good and bad news... and to be just damn proud of us he wants to tell everyone he knows... is my kind of dad. I miss him terribly... I do not think that feeling will ever go away but as I sit and reflect on how much I appreciated him. Even though I gave him my fair share of grief he still waited for me when I would get out of work. I remember being 16... wanting to go everywhere... and he would be there to take me. I remember how he would take me to job interviews and wake up at 3 in the morning just to make sure I made it to work on time at Starbucks.
I am pretty sure somewhere his spirit knows how much I still think about all of the times I spent with him. Pretty soon Annie's birthday, and Pon's birthday will be coming up. Then after my brother's birthday it is my Dad's. Exactly five days after. And two weeks after my Dad's birthday... I will be twenty two. The day before my birthday it's Father's Day. And then July 13th will be around the corner once again. I can't believe it! This has been one of the hardest years for me.
I feel like I am losing my concentration. My motivation. Maybe it's because while eating dinner around April or May I said to my Dad... Dad I am going to graduate school by this time next year. Can you wait and watch me graduate? But he was in too much pain to wait. And I can understand that. But I think I have beat myself up because of that. I wanted to make him proud, show him that it was worth waiting... it was worth being proud of.
But tonight I took a step. I am going to be going to National University. Then I will be able to one class every month, concentrating on just that one class. I will be about 23 when I graduate but at least I know in my heart that I have made my dad proud. A part of me is still quite wounded but I know that I need to continue. My dad will always be my motivation to continue.
I love you Dad.
I am pretty sure somewhere his spirit knows how much I still think about all of the times I spent with him. Pretty soon Annie's birthday, and Pon's birthday will be coming up. Then after my brother's birthday it is my Dad's. Exactly five days after. And two weeks after my Dad's birthday... I will be twenty two. The day before my birthday it's Father's Day. And then July 13th will be around the corner once again. I can't believe it! This has been one of the hardest years for me.
I feel like I am losing my concentration. My motivation. Maybe it's because while eating dinner around April or May I said to my Dad... Dad I am going to graduate school by this time next year. Can you wait and watch me graduate? But he was in too much pain to wait. And I can understand that. But I think I have beat myself up because of that. I wanted to make him proud, show him that it was worth waiting... it was worth being proud of.
But tonight I took a step. I am going to be going to National University. Then I will be able to one class every month, concentrating on just that one class. I will be about 23 when I graduate but at least I know in my heart that I have made my dad proud. A part of me is still quite wounded but I know that I need to continue. My dad will always be my motivation to continue.
I love you Dad.