When I grow up I'll turn the tables...
I'm so paranoid right now...
I didn't want to get out of the car because it felt like someone or something was gonna jump and kill me...
I fumbled the keys.
It wasn't cool.
I'm actually shaking right now.
The slightest noise sets me off...
Now...this is really going to sound like I'm...lying. Lying to make someone happy.
I'm not lying.
I really am not Bi...
Deduced this because I've come to the realisation that I am a very very desperate person stuck in an all girl's school.
As Alison so quaintly put it, "Like those girls that end up being lesbians for the sake of the fact that girls are more accessible."
I'm not.
I'm very physical...that's true.
Ever since I met Ika and had the crazy physical friend shock of my life...I've been all huggy patty touchy to my friends and even those that I don't really know.
I took my childhood and forced farfetched little scenarios on them to make them seem like evidence to bisexuality.
Most of them were me wanting everything to go my way.
Now that I think about it I bet I was an annoying kid when I was little...
To the other little kids...
Bossy...
Or something to that effect.
But I could even be deluding myself on that matter.
As Brett said this morning, "I woke up and started thinking...and that never leads to anything good."
So utterly true.
Wolf Larson states in "The Sea Wolf" (Yes. I'm refering to school literature. Yay English class.) "My biggest mistake was in ever opening the books in the first place."
I honestly think too much.
Thus I end up in this little deep dark hole where I'm never going to grow up. I'll never be anyone. I'll end up some homeless brainy kid on the street...
But it's just not okay for me to go through life with a happy airheaded demeanor...
I can't -not- think.
If I did I feel like I might just cease to function altogether.
Maybe all of the people that I consider to be idiots do actually think...maybe they even feel much the same as I do...
But for all that may be, they seem like entirely oblivious little smiles, walking around in their bows and fashion.
I'm so lonely that I'm pushing myself into little delusions.
And it's my fault.
I don't try.
I'm lazy.
I can't drive.
I have no motivation for school.
Barely any motivation to see my friends out of a school context.
Everything I have that keeps me remotely happy is only here because of coincidence.
I -have- to go to school and thus I see my friends.
Then I'm happy.
Otherwise I'd sit in front of this infernal mind-sucking machine all fucking day until someone screamed at me or I just died.
I will probably inevitably be my own downfall.
I will.
And though many of you may care...
I'm not so sure that I do.
I didn't want to get out of the car because it felt like someone or something was gonna jump and kill me...
I fumbled the keys.
It wasn't cool.
I'm actually shaking right now.
The slightest noise sets me off...
Now...this is really going to sound like I'm...lying. Lying to make someone happy.
I'm not lying.
I really am not Bi...
Deduced this because I've come to the realisation that I am a very very desperate person stuck in an all girl's school.
As Alison so quaintly put it, "Like those girls that end up being lesbians for the sake of the fact that girls are more accessible."
I'm not.
I'm very physical...that's true.
Ever since I met Ika and had the crazy physical friend shock of my life...I've been all huggy patty touchy to my friends and even those that I don't really know.
I took my childhood and forced farfetched little scenarios on them to make them seem like evidence to bisexuality.
Most of them were me wanting everything to go my way.
Now that I think about it I bet I was an annoying kid when I was little...
To the other little kids...
Bossy...
Or something to that effect.
But I could even be deluding myself on that matter.
As Brett said this morning, "I woke up and started thinking...and that never leads to anything good."
So utterly true.
Wolf Larson states in "The Sea Wolf" (Yes. I'm refering to school literature. Yay English class.) "My biggest mistake was in ever opening the books in the first place."
I honestly think too much.
Thus I end up in this little deep dark hole where I'm never going to grow up. I'll never be anyone. I'll end up some homeless brainy kid on the street...
But it's just not okay for me to go through life with a happy airheaded demeanor...
I can't -not- think.
If I did I feel like I might just cease to function altogether.
Maybe all of the people that I consider to be idiots do actually think...maybe they even feel much the same as I do...
But for all that may be, they seem like entirely oblivious little smiles, walking around in their bows and fashion.
I'm so lonely that I'm pushing myself into little delusions.
And it's my fault.
I don't try.
I'm lazy.
I can't drive.
I have no motivation for school.
Barely any motivation to see my friends out of a school context.
Everything I have that keeps me remotely happy is only here because of coincidence.
I -have- to go to school and thus I see my friends.
Then I'm happy.
Otherwise I'd sit in front of this infernal mind-sucking machine all fucking day until someone screamed at me or I just died.
I will probably inevitably be my own downfall.
I will.
And though many of you may care...
I'm not so sure that I do.