(no subject)
So I guess this is going to be the hardest desicion of my life, follow my heart or go with my head.
why does it seem like my heart is so set on wanting Dean, im with Jorge, shouldnt i be happy?
im happy, i guess, but what if thats not enough anymore? i dont even know. i think the hardest thing about this is knowing what i want but not being able to make it possible, he’s so far away, wtf was i thinking starting to like a guy that lives in another fucking state, sure at the time i was thinking i was going to be in Az all the time visiting my sister and thought that maybe i would be able to go and see him too but idk.
it just sucks now knowing that i want dean more than i have ever wanted anything else and i cant have him.
so on to a more positive note, i guess.
so an update on my current life; Disneyland Friday =], i cant wait to spend the day with my babay Lon & Gibby. california screaming a million times anyone? too bad it wont be raining =[, hahaha. these are the days im always going to remember, unfourtunatly i wont be able to do things like this anymore once i start ivy, school everyday, ugh not something im looking forward to, GAY. oh well, its not like school right now is too great, chillen on my laptop pretending to be doing work, while really editing pictures, texting, listening to my gangster music (hahaha) and people watching. oh well, it sucks a little bit cos there are some people here i could have really seen myself becoming friends with. oh well ill be happy to be at ivy, ill get out at 12 and be able to do whatever, so that will be pretty sweeeeeet. my grandpas home from the hospital =], that makes me really happy, he looks good, he has lost A LOT of weight but he is doing a lot better, my dads doing great =] and he is back to normal dad spoiling me for no reason at all. i have decided i need a job, yes thats right slacker Lauren has decided she wants a job, not too sure what of where yet, but any suggestions would be sweeeet, i also need to get my permit, then do drivers training (so my insurance isnt expensive) then get my liscence and my truck =], life will be good once thats taken care of, which im working on now, wooo =].
why does it seem like my heart is so set on wanting Dean, im with Jorge, shouldnt i be happy?
im happy, i guess, but what if thats not enough anymore? i dont even know. i think the hardest thing about this is knowing what i want but not being able to make it possible, he’s so far away, wtf was i thinking starting to like a guy that lives in another fucking state, sure at the time i was thinking i was going to be in Az all the time visiting my sister and thought that maybe i would be able to go and see him too but idk.
it just sucks now knowing that i want dean more than i have ever wanted anything else and i cant have him.
so on to a more positive note, i guess.
so an update on my current life; Disneyland Friday =], i cant wait to spend the day with my babay Lon & Gibby. california screaming a million times anyone? too bad it wont be raining =[, hahaha. these are the days im always going to remember, unfourtunatly i wont be able to do things like this anymore once i start ivy, school everyday, ugh not something im looking forward to, GAY. oh well, its not like school right now is too great, chillen on my laptop pretending to be doing work, while really editing pictures, texting, listening to my gangster music (hahaha) and people watching. oh well, it sucks a little bit cos there are some people here i could have really seen myself becoming friends with. oh well ill be happy to be at ivy, ill get out at 12 and be able to do whatever, so that will be pretty sweeeeeet. my grandpas home from the hospital =], that makes me really happy, he looks good, he has lost A LOT of weight but he is doing a lot better, my dads doing great =] and he is back to normal dad spoiling me for no reason at all. i have decided i need a job, yes thats right slacker Lauren has decided she wants a job, not too sure what of where yet, but any suggestions would be sweeeet, i also need to get my permit, then do drivers training (so my insurance isnt expensive) then get my liscence and my truck =], life will be good once thats taken care of, which im working on now, wooo =].