my autobiographical event assignment.
“How did I get myself into this situation?” thats the only thing that ran through my mind the first 20 minutes of that drive home. Just 9 months before I had met this amazing boy out in the desert and things had been amazing ever since then, that is until we broke up, and for some strange reason we decided to stay friends. Now it was 2 weeks before he was scheduled to leave for Santa Barbara for college and he was picking me up from class to talk. Those words scared me more than anything, what did we have to talk about? How he hurt me and how he was leaving me?
“So Lauren, um how are you?” Shawn asked me, I wanted to scream at him with everything in me that I was horrible that he had hurt me, he had broken all his promises.
“I’m okay, nothings really exciting in my life” at least not since you dumped me, I thought it but didn’t dare say it aloud.
“Well I’m sure you are wondering why I wanted to pick you up,” he paused and let out a huge sigh, “Lauren I love you.” as he spoke those words my heart jumped and suddenly I thought maybe this is why we needed to talk, Shawn’s going to get back with me! “I love you and care about you, but I’m not in love with you, and well I guess I just didn’t want to leave for school with you thinking we still had a chance” My heart broke, no scratch that, my heart had been shattered to tiny pieces and he was stomping on what was left of it.
“Oh, well You’re going to be in school and I didn't really expect you to want a girlfriend during that” I choked out, trying my best to hide the fact that at any moment I was going to breakdown.
“Actually Lauren, thats the thing, I wanted to tell you before anyone else told you but I met someone two weeks after we broke up and we have been dating for a month or so,” This was that moment, I was suddenly so thankful to whoever had invented sunglasses because at that moment they were the only thing stopping Shawn from realizing that I was now crying. “I took her to the river with me this weekend and she met Tiffany and everyone. I really didn’t know how to tell you about her.”
The only thing I heard in that sentence was my sister’s name, he introduced his new girlfriend to my sister?! How could this be happening, my world was suddenly spinning, “Wow, thats great Shawn I’m happy for you I really am, What’s her name?” I tried my hardest to pretend to be okay with the fact that my entire world had just been destroyed.
He laughed, his adorable laugh “See this is what I love about you Lauren, you’re so understanding,” I wanted to punch him, I really did how could he really think that after 7 months together I was okay with him finding a new girlfriend two weeks later, “Her name is Liz and she’s so great Lauren I really like her.” He was happy, truly happy and more than anything thats what killed me. As we pulled into my driveway I looked over and Shawn and I knew I would always care about him more than any other boy I had ever met, Shawn Clarke was my first love, he would have a part of my heart forever.
“Shawn, I’m happy for you and I still want to be friends, You’re a great guy and I don’t want to lose you in my life.” He smiled and I felt like I was going to die, that gorgeous smile had always been my favorite but now it made me feel so empty.
“Lauren of course! You’re great you really are, and I love you and will always be here for you if you need me. I’ll call you later okay.”
I smiled a small fake little smile “Yeah, thanks Shawn for everything, I love you too, Bye.” Shawn drove away and I just stood in my driveway crying knowing that boy would only be my friend and nothing more, and knowing that when I said I loved him I meant it with everything in me and I always would.
Four months later I now know that day and everyday I spent with Shawn changed me. I was right I would never stop loving Shawn and he’s now one of my best friends and a very important part of my life and I’m so thankful for him.
“So Lauren, um how are you?” Shawn asked me, I wanted to scream at him with everything in me that I was horrible that he had hurt me, he had broken all his promises.
“I’m okay, nothings really exciting in my life” at least not since you dumped me, I thought it but didn’t dare say it aloud.
“Well I’m sure you are wondering why I wanted to pick you up,” he paused and let out a huge sigh, “Lauren I love you.” as he spoke those words my heart jumped and suddenly I thought maybe this is why we needed to talk, Shawn’s going to get back with me! “I love you and care about you, but I’m not in love with you, and well I guess I just didn’t want to leave for school with you thinking we still had a chance” My heart broke, no scratch that, my heart had been shattered to tiny pieces and he was stomping on what was left of it.
“Oh, well You’re going to be in school and I didn't really expect you to want a girlfriend during that” I choked out, trying my best to hide the fact that at any moment I was going to breakdown.
“Actually Lauren, thats the thing, I wanted to tell you before anyone else told you but I met someone two weeks after we broke up and we have been dating for a month or so,” This was that moment, I was suddenly so thankful to whoever had invented sunglasses because at that moment they were the only thing stopping Shawn from realizing that I was now crying. “I took her to the river with me this weekend and she met Tiffany and everyone. I really didn’t know how to tell you about her.”
The only thing I heard in that sentence was my sister’s name, he introduced his new girlfriend to my sister?! How could this be happening, my world was suddenly spinning, “Wow, thats great Shawn I’m happy for you I really am, What’s her name?” I tried my hardest to pretend to be okay with the fact that my entire world had just been destroyed.
He laughed, his adorable laugh “See this is what I love about you Lauren, you’re so understanding,” I wanted to punch him, I really did how could he really think that after 7 months together I was okay with him finding a new girlfriend two weeks later, “Her name is Liz and she’s so great Lauren I really like her.” He was happy, truly happy and more than anything thats what killed me. As we pulled into my driveway I looked over and Shawn and I knew I would always care about him more than any other boy I had ever met, Shawn Clarke was my first love, he would have a part of my heart forever.
“Shawn, I’m happy for you and I still want to be friends, You’re a great guy and I don’t want to lose you in my life.” He smiled and I felt like I was going to die, that gorgeous smile had always been my favorite but now it made me feel so empty.
“Lauren of course! You’re great you really are, and I love you and will always be here for you if you need me. I’ll call you later okay.”
I smiled a small fake little smile “Yeah, thanks Shawn for everything, I love you too, Bye.” Shawn drove away and I just stood in my driveway crying knowing that boy would only be my friend and nothing more, and knowing that when I said I loved him I meant it with everything in me and I always would.
Four months later I now know that day and everyday I spent with Shawn changed me. I was right I would never stop loving Shawn and he’s now one of my best friends and a very important part of my life and I’m so thankful for him.