every move you make
Life is crazy right now. Finals are this week so I'm already stressed out because of that...ugh.
My home life seems to be stagnant- never fun, never getting better, just a constant thorn in my side. My parents are getting divorced- at least thats what it says on paper, but all thats happening now is talking. They arent meeting with lawyers and trying to get this thing figured out or anything. My dad says we're selling the house but nothing is happening there either. My mom sleeps in my brothers room right now and spends as much time away from home as possible. I don't want to be here when my dads around because hes generally pretty irritating right now but I'm also trying to spend as much time appreciating this beautiful house before I have to say goodbye. There's just so much tension.
I broke up with scott, probably a month and a half ago but he wont let it go. I wanted to stay friends at first but friends turned into him basically stalking me...he refuses to call it that, instead he says that hes just "loving" me. Last time I checked, loving meant NOT making the person you're with feel awful but i suppose in this world of relativism, anything is possible. A week ago saturday we decided to take a week and not speak or see each other to figure things out because the fighting was just too much. I've never felt more suffocated! Within 24 hours I was getting pictures sent to my phone of us together, and tons of texts telling me how wrong I was and how I'm an awful person and the like. Constant "are you seeing anyone else!?!?" questions to the point where I literally wanted to throw things at him, amongst other reactions. I've tried so hard to communicate what I want gently and kindly but it just didn't work. The whole point of breaking up with him was because I wasn't happy. The things I needed when i was 17 are different at 20. The LAST thing I want right now is a relationship. I had to start being mean to get my point across...hopefully it works this time. I HATE being the person that hurts another persons feelings, but I cant break up with him and be his shoulder to cry on at the same time. Newtons law of physics or whatever. On Friday we agreed on a month no seeing or talking...he's been texting me all weekend! Fuck. I cant handle this.
Other than that, things are pretty good. I'm so happy with the friends that I have right now...some new, some old. Men are fun when they're not stalking you. I'll say that.
My home life seems to be stagnant- never fun, never getting better, just a constant thorn in my side. My parents are getting divorced- at least thats what it says on paper, but all thats happening now is talking. They arent meeting with lawyers and trying to get this thing figured out or anything. My dad says we're selling the house but nothing is happening there either. My mom sleeps in my brothers room right now and spends as much time away from home as possible. I don't want to be here when my dads around because hes generally pretty irritating right now but I'm also trying to spend as much time appreciating this beautiful house before I have to say goodbye. There's just so much tension.
I broke up with scott, probably a month and a half ago but he wont let it go. I wanted to stay friends at first but friends turned into him basically stalking me...he refuses to call it that, instead he says that hes just "loving" me. Last time I checked, loving meant NOT making the person you're with feel awful but i suppose in this world of relativism, anything is possible. A week ago saturday we decided to take a week and not speak or see each other to figure things out because the fighting was just too much. I've never felt more suffocated! Within 24 hours I was getting pictures sent to my phone of us together, and tons of texts telling me how wrong I was and how I'm an awful person and the like. Constant "are you seeing anyone else!?!?" questions to the point where I literally wanted to throw things at him, amongst other reactions. I've tried so hard to communicate what I want gently and kindly but it just didn't work. The whole point of breaking up with him was because I wasn't happy. The things I needed when i was 17 are different at 20. The LAST thing I want right now is a relationship. I had to start being mean to get my point across...hopefully it works this time. I HATE being the person that hurts another persons feelings, but I cant break up with him and be his shoulder to cry on at the same time. Newtons law of physics or whatever. On Friday we agreed on a month no seeing or talking...he's been texting me all weekend! Fuck. I cant handle this.
Other than that, things are pretty good. I'm so happy with the friends that I have right now...some new, some old. Men are fun when they're not stalking you. I'll say that.