For the curious: How atheists celebrate religious holidays.
New Years: It's about getting drunk & light shows. I don;t drink anything fermented & I'm against fireworks; bad for the environment, start fires, scare animals & old people to death, nobody sleeps for 3 months because of all the little shits who stock up & set off fireworks every night at 3am.
Valentines: Candy holiday. Children give eachother cards, women have obligation-sex with their boyfriends, & everyone eats chocolate until they pass out.
St. Patrick's: Food & liqueur holiday for the adults. Children decorate pet carriers with anything gold they can find in hopes of catching a Leprechaun.
Easter: A candy holiday, second only to Halloween, where children wake up to find a basket with a toy & a month's supply of chocolate, marshmallows, & jellybeans that will be gone in 3 days. Parents & children bonding over egg dying, then the parents hide the eggs & toy-filled plastic eggs for the children to find. Adults enjoy seasonal candies like Robin's Eggs.
Thanksgiving: (How people with no American roots celebrate it): A food holiday, where we shit-talk Europeans for wiping out 90% of the native Americans.
Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Christmahanakwanzikah/Decemberween: Celebration of commercialism & capitalism, getting the most, giving the best, checking out the light displays in rich neighborhoods, pimping out the house inside & out, food.
Valentines: Candy holiday. Children give eachother cards, women have obligation-sex with their boyfriends, & everyone eats chocolate until they pass out.
St. Patrick's: Food & liqueur holiday for the adults. Children decorate pet carriers with anything gold they can find in hopes of catching a Leprechaun.
Easter: A candy holiday, second only to Halloween, where children wake up to find a basket with a toy & a month's supply of chocolate, marshmallows, & jellybeans that will be gone in 3 days. Parents & children bonding over egg dying, then the parents hide the eggs & toy-filled plastic eggs for the children to find. Adults enjoy seasonal candies like Robin's Eggs.
Thanksgiving: (How people with no American roots celebrate it): A food holiday, where we shit-talk Europeans for wiping out 90% of the native Americans.
Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Christmahanakwanzikah/Decemberween: Celebration of commercialism & capitalism, getting the most, giving the best, checking out the light displays in rich neighborhoods, pimping out the house inside & out, food.