reflection
I have been looking through previous journal entries these past few days. This has allowed me the opportunity to take a look back (obviously) at myself before drastic life changes took place. Some thoughts on what has happened over the past few years...
Unfortunately my account of being a run away was stupidly erased by yours truly. I started in the LJ community at a very tumultuous time of my life, to say the least. After shedding the past and emerging into a new life of gender-bending confusion, i realized that i had no idea who i was.
In the brief time i had been alive and free of parental bounds, i had made alot of mistakes. Mistakes which i regret not seeing happen until just recently.
The majority of my young life is gone. I know i'm talking like i am 40 or whatever....it's just that it feels like I could have done much better.
Like now. I realize that I don't need everyone to love me.
I realize that life isn't about taking care of everyone else and neglecting yourself.
I realize that to be loved...to be ****Truly**** loved.... requires nothing more than having someone see the real you.
I realize that singing out loud and dancing sporadically without a care to who hears you or sees you, is one of the most wonderful gifts.
Unrestrained joy, laughing so hard and genuinely that it makes you cry, should be part of an everyday ritual.
I realize it's the simple things.
So. This is my official apology. To anyone i have hurt. to anyone i have offended. to anyone who has been dragged down with me on occasion. I am sorry.
I am still finding myself, a journey that takes a lifetime, but i have a damn good foundation. Right now, i care about my family. My position isn't so great in the bigger dream of things, but for me it's perfect.
Pleasant somethings.
Unfortunately my account of being a run away was stupidly erased by yours truly. I started in the LJ community at a very tumultuous time of my life, to say the least. After shedding the past and emerging into a new life of gender-bending confusion, i realized that i had no idea who i was.
In the brief time i had been alive and free of parental bounds, i had made alot of mistakes. Mistakes which i regret not seeing happen until just recently.
The majority of my young life is gone. I know i'm talking like i am 40 or whatever....it's just that it feels like I could have done much better.
Like now. I realize that I don't need everyone to love me.
I realize that life isn't about taking care of everyone else and neglecting yourself.
I realize that to be loved...to be ****Truly**** loved.... requires nothing more than having someone see the real you.
I realize that singing out loud and dancing sporadically without a care to who hears you or sees you, is one of the most wonderful gifts.
Unrestrained joy, laughing so hard and genuinely that it makes you cry, should be part of an everyday ritual.
I realize it's the simple things.
So. This is my official apology. To anyone i have hurt. to anyone i have offended. to anyone who has been dragged down with me on occasion. I am sorry.
I am still finding myself, a journey that takes a lifetime, but i have a damn good foundation. Right now, i care about my family. My position isn't so great in the bigger dream of things, but for me it's perfect.
Pleasant somethings.