family, my escapism.
What an interesting month it has been. So many ups and downs, im spinning round and round and round...
till mi ma hands me a bowl of green chili and suddenly i feel fine, its amazing what a home cooked meal and a visit from your mommy can really do. it was much needed.
My mom knows me so well, only because im just like her, we both trust too much, love the wrong people, and we never learn from our mistakes... catching up today she asked how my love life was and WHYYYY i looked so hung over... i said "ma, i had a few beers last night with some other sexually frustrated girlfriends.. I drink my problems away" (another trait we have in common)
She says "ohhh hoooney, whats wrong?"
and i begin to explain how both of the boys i was seeing c-u-t, CUT ME in one night. it hurts. total shot to the ego.
I say "Ma, i dont get it. it hurts. i dont understand, what am i doing wrong?!"
her answer
"Oh honey, its cause your a slut."
I totally laughed out loud, because it was funny, but really? am i really? MA!?! i dont think she knows me that well...
She says, "Its okay honey, i'll teach you how to play the game. You gotta kno what your doing if your gonna see 2 people at once..."
WOW. my MOTHER has more game than i do. So, i whip out my pen and paper and start jotting down some notes. <3
I know what really happened though, as always you can't trust anyone these days. You just can't. No matter how much you want to YOU CANNOT. Im slowly learning this, but i'm not learning fast enough. Since ive moved down here i've surrounded myself with so many fake people that really aren't looking out for me ever. And its getting old. Im sure ill find another cute boy to swoon over in the next few months, but next time i am keeping him away from my fake friends... Bitches, fuckin up mah game.....
I came across a quote i can really relate to at this point in my life
""I have realized that it's better to not have feelings, and not feel anything at all, because when you're happy, everyone takes that away from you, they hear me, but they’re not listening, it's sad."
-britney spears
its getting cold, winter is here. And winter is the time of the year i always feel most lonely. I get cold and just wanna be next to someone. And when i dont have someone there, i think, and think, and think... and i drive myself crazy. and it gets really bad when i start to think about him, and the fact that he is with him... and i am here... alone. it doesnt feel good.
Lately ive been thinking about my future and what i want out of life. I still dont know, but all i kno is the only way to get to the point in my life where i feel complete and happy, is to first get an education. better myself, then only can i make others happy.
i talked to my mom today about possibly moving back home and going to school. I know im eating my words becasue i said "i'd never never never go back to greeley EVER..." but it may be best for me and my future.
So over these next few months im going to try to work on myself and my finances, and hopefully i can have the strength to get thru this and find a way to get an education out here, but if i dont... there wont be many people ill miss when i do leave. and i dont even kno if ill really be that missed...
only time will tell...
till mi ma hands me a bowl of green chili and suddenly i feel fine, its amazing what a home cooked meal and a visit from your mommy can really do. it was much needed.
My mom knows me so well, only because im just like her, we both trust too much, love the wrong people, and we never learn from our mistakes... catching up today she asked how my love life was and WHYYYY i looked so hung over... i said "ma, i had a few beers last night with some other sexually frustrated girlfriends.. I drink my problems away" (another trait we have in common)
She says "ohhh hoooney, whats wrong?"
and i begin to explain how both of the boys i was seeing c-u-t, CUT ME in one night. it hurts. total shot to the ego.
I say "Ma, i dont get it. it hurts. i dont understand, what am i doing wrong?!"
her answer
"Oh honey, its cause your a slut."
I totally laughed out loud, because it was funny, but really? am i really? MA!?! i dont think she knows me that well...
She says, "Its okay honey, i'll teach you how to play the game. You gotta kno what your doing if your gonna see 2 people at once..."
WOW. my MOTHER has more game than i do. So, i whip out my pen and paper and start jotting down some notes. <3
I know what really happened though, as always you can't trust anyone these days. You just can't. No matter how much you want to YOU CANNOT. Im slowly learning this, but i'm not learning fast enough. Since ive moved down here i've surrounded myself with so many fake people that really aren't looking out for me ever. And its getting old. Im sure ill find another cute boy to swoon over in the next few months, but next time i am keeping him away from my fake friends... Bitches, fuckin up mah game.....
I came across a quote i can really relate to at this point in my life
""I have realized that it's better to not have feelings, and not feel anything at all, because when you're happy, everyone takes that away from you, they hear me, but they’re not listening, it's sad."
-britney spears
its getting cold, winter is here. And winter is the time of the year i always feel most lonely. I get cold and just wanna be next to someone. And when i dont have someone there, i think, and think, and think... and i drive myself crazy. and it gets really bad when i start to think about him, and the fact that he is with him... and i am here... alone. it doesnt feel good.
Lately ive been thinking about my future and what i want out of life. I still dont know, but all i kno is the only way to get to the point in my life where i feel complete and happy, is to first get an education. better myself, then only can i make others happy.
i talked to my mom today about possibly moving back home and going to school. I know im eating my words becasue i said "i'd never never never go back to greeley EVER..." but it may be best for me and my future.
So over these next few months im going to try to work on myself and my finances, and hopefully i can have the strength to get thru this and find a way to get an education out here, but if i dont... there wont be many people ill miss when i do leave. and i dont even kno if ill really be that missed...
only time will tell...