"Ready yet?!?!" ... Or just "Complacency"
( Warning: This is an emotionally-pitted and bare-nakedly truthful post which was much over-due and needed to be spewed.)
My Dearest loved ones,
I'm so sorry about today... look and you can see that THINGS ARE NOT OKAY! O So many ups and downs in one day is enough to make any person sick or at LEAST have a head ache (coupled with a break down).
Lately I have been especially burdened in regard to one particular and very important aspect of my life. My relationship with my parents- or lack there of- which is why i don't spend very much time at "home".
My mother thinks that I feel that my independence is being threatened by her and my father and that i am maintaining a distance from them for this reason. I am wondering if her assessment squares with my own... But whether or not it does, in any case, it is factual that i am staying away a lot these days(increasingly in the past year).
If indeed the issue from my standpoint is the protection of my independence, I think that I can understand that I might be feeling that my Mom and Dad are wanting to exercise an excessive amount of control over me that, in their estimation, does not take into consideration my advance into adulthood at this stage of my life, and with it the need to have the reins of control relaxed. But if this is indeed the case, I am wondering why whenever i try to talk about it with them and share my point of view, it turns out horribly wrong on a consistant basis. (versus the more common option of keeping quiet and accepting what they have to say while silently protesting which leads to detesting everything about them)
There has been a lack of/breakdown in communication so much so that has made me feel so deeply frustrated about (not the independence issue anymore, but) different matters that i've taken matters in hand to set a course that has put distance, both emotional and spatial, between me and them. And it's worked.
This truly is the case, and I am greatly burdened about this and somewhat alarmed that I don't clearly seem to care in my anger about the full consequences from the standpoint of what God's Word declares about such a state of affairs. (and you are safe to assume that i am a person who seriously desires to have God's will for my life) It says a lot about how strongly I feel about them when I distance myself from them and refuse to be accountable before God to them.
Is my attention needing to be called yet again to the importance of the fifth commandment, first mentioned in Exodus 20:12 and reemphasized for believers in Yeshua by Paul in Ephesians 6:2-3, where he calls it "the first commandment among the original ten that is given with a promise"? (And this commandment is so important in God's sight that it is repeated again and again, in Leviticus 19:3, Deuteronomy 27:16, Matthew 15:4, 19:19, Mark 7:10, 10:19, and Luke 18:20.) Paul, in Ephesians 6:3, adds the words "that it may be well with you" to the command to honor father and mother. These wordseem to imply that it won't be well with the person who disobeys this commandment to honor their parents. *sigh* Indeed- 'tisn't.
...Very carefully considering if i can be really honoring my parents by putting distance between me and them for so long... Even though i do feel strongly that i'm not being treated rightly by them at this point in my life and in general, does that really justify the way I have decided to handle the matters? Have I even stopped to consider whether or not these matters are more sacred and valuable to God than my relating to my parents in a way that truly pleases Him and honors His Word? I am distressed about how I feel I have been treated, yet I haven't continually prayed and asked the Lord to help me to communicate with them about my feelings and to appeal to them for some adjustment in the way they relate to moi because I haven't cared enough to want to change it. I'm still so angry that even when I have done this and failed to arrive at a satisfactory solution, I don't care enough to ask/think that taking matters into my own hands the way I have really honors my parents and is the course that the Lord would have me take. ( and i know it's not) Ugh.
Then you calm down and consider for a moment the example that Yeshua gave us, (mentioned in Luke 2:39-52) where his parents didn't understand His sense of His call to be about His Father's business when He remained in the temple to speak with the elders. After they found Him there, it declares that He returned with them to Nazareth and continued in subjection to them, growing as a result in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men. His parents did not understand the nature of His call from His Father, but never-the-less He remained in submission to them. He put obedience to God's command and His order for mankind above any other consideration. It was in this way that He both honored God and His earthly parents. Can you see how this example might apply to myour own situation?
Our parents, from our own perspective, may not always seem right. We may think, in fact, that they are really wrong and may be doing us an injustice. But, it seems to moi that God still wants us to honor them and to submit to the authority that He has given to them as parents. That is especially so when we have not yet reached our "maturity". But even after we might have moved out of our childhood home and even have a home of our own, God's Word requires that we continue to honor them...always, throughout the rest of our lives. BUT ARGHHHHHHH! SO HARD!!!! >:^/ I can't do it on my own!!! Failure, failure for the evil, hypocritical, name-calling creature termed Aliza!!!
I know some people and have read some books about people who have had REALLY terrible parents who mistreated them in the worst way, yet God enabled them to honor those terrible parents and not to speak against them. Mine aren't terrible like that at all, but it still pains me and all my family that all this crap has been happening, not only for my sake, but for theirs as well.
So here i am earnestly trying to carefully and prayerfully reconsider my attitudes and courses, and ask the Lord to show me if He has a better solution for me to the numerous problems that I feel exists between me and my parents...ad nauseum. I do believe that He has a better solution...
This is serious! All of this sounds so dramatic, I know, but honestly- my future course as a daughter of God and a true servant of His will depend upon how I handle this matter now. I've let the sun set on my anger far too long; It need not wait a long time for me to be able to see things in a better light again than how I now see them. The Holy Spirit within me is willing and ready to give me light and a better direction than I have been taking. So i'm trying to yield to Him and seriously ask Him in prayer to show me a better and more harmonious way of living.
I want a hug.... So, I embrace you with much, much love. And my dog, Sweetie Pie, joins me in these sentiments.
Liiz.
My Dearest loved ones,
I'm so sorry about today... look and you can see that THINGS ARE NOT OKAY! O So many ups and downs in one day is enough to make any person sick or at LEAST have a head ache (coupled with a break down).
Lately I have been especially burdened in regard to one particular and very important aspect of my life. My relationship with my parents- or lack there of- which is why i don't spend very much time at "home".
My mother thinks that I feel that my independence is being threatened by her and my father and that i am maintaining a distance from them for this reason. I am wondering if her assessment squares with my own... But whether or not it does, in any case, it is factual that i am staying away a lot these days(increasingly in the past year).
If indeed the issue from my standpoint is the protection of my independence, I think that I can understand that I might be feeling that my Mom and Dad are wanting to exercise an excessive amount of control over me that, in their estimation, does not take into consideration my advance into adulthood at this stage of my life, and with it the need to have the reins of control relaxed. But if this is indeed the case, I am wondering why whenever i try to talk about it with them and share my point of view, it turns out horribly wrong on a consistant basis. (versus the more common option of keeping quiet and accepting what they have to say while silently protesting which leads to detesting everything about them)
There has been a lack of/breakdown in communication so much so that has made me feel so deeply frustrated about (not the independence issue anymore, but) different matters that i've taken matters in hand to set a course that has put distance, both emotional and spatial, between me and them. And it's worked.
This truly is the case, and I am greatly burdened about this and somewhat alarmed that I don't clearly seem to care in my anger about the full consequences from the standpoint of what God's Word declares about such a state of affairs. (and you are safe to assume that i am a person who seriously desires to have God's will for my life) It says a lot about how strongly I feel about them when I distance myself from them and refuse to be accountable before God to them.
Is my attention needing to be called yet again to the importance of the fifth commandment, first mentioned in Exodus 20:12 and reemphasized for believers in Yeshua by Paul in Ephesians 6:2-3, where he calls it "the first commandment among the original ten that is given with a promise"? (And this commandment is so important in God's sight that it is repeated again and again, in Leviticus 19:3, Deuteronomy 27:16, Matthew 15:4, 19:19, Mark 7:10, 10:19, and Luke 18:20.) Paul, in Ephesians 6:3, adds the words "that it may be well with you" to the command to honor father and mother. These wordseem to imply that it won't be well with the person who disobeys this commandment to honor their parents. *sigh* Indeed- 'tisn't.
...Very carefully considering if i can be really honoring my parents by putting distance between me and them for so long... Even though i do feel strongly that i'm not being treated rightly by them at this point in my life and in general, does that really justify the way I have decided to handle the matters? Have I even stopped to consider whether or not these matters are more sacred and valuable to God than my relating to my parents in a way that truly pleases Him and honors His Word? I am distressed about how I feel I have been treated, yet I haven't continually prayed and asked the Lord to help me to communicate with them about my feelings and to appeal to them for some adjustment in the way they relate to moi because I haven't cared enough to want to change it. I'm still so angry that even when I have done this and failed to arrive at a satisfactory solution, I don't care enough to ask/think that taking matters into my own hands the way I have really honors my parents and is the course that the Lord would have me take. ( and i know it's not) Ugh.
Then you calm down and consider for a moment the example that Yeshua gave us, (mentioned in Luke 2:39-52) where his parents didn't understand His sense of His call to be about His Father's business when He remained in the temple to speak with the elders. After they found Him there, it declares that He returned with them to Nazareth and continued in subjection to them, growing as a result in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men. His parents did not understand the nature of His call from His Father, but never-the-less He remained in submission to them. He put obedience to God's command and His order for mankind above any other consideration. It was in this way that He both honored God and His earthly parents. Can you see how this example might apply to myour own situation?
Our parents, from our own perspective, may not always seem right. We may think, in fact, that they are really wrong and may be doing us an injustice. But, it seems to moi that God still wants us to honor them and to submit to the authority that He has given to them as parents. That is especially so when we have not yet reached our "maturity". But even after we might have moved out of our childhood home and even have a home of our own, God's Word requires that we continue to honor them...always, throughout the rest of our lives. BUT ARGHHHHHHH! SO HARD!!!! >:^/ I can't do it on my own!!! Failure, failure for the evil, hypocritical, name-calling creature termed Aliza!!!
I know some people and have read some books about people who have had REALLY terrible parents who mistreated them in the worst way, yet God enabled them to honor those terrible parents and not to speak against them. Mine aren't terrible like that at all, but it still pains me and all my family that all this crap has been happening, not only for my sake, but for theirs as well.
So here i am earnestly trying to carefully and prayerfully reconsider my attitudes and courses, and ask the Lord to show me if He has a better solution for me to the numerous problems that I feel exists between me and my parents...ad nauseum. I do believe that He has a better solution...
This is serious! All of this sounds so dramatic, I know, but honestly- my future course as a daughter of God and a true servant of His will depend upon how I handle this matter now. I've let the sun set on my anger far too long; It need not wait a long time for me to be able to see things in a better light again than how I now see them. The Holy Spirit within me is willing and ready to give me light and a better direction than I have been taking. So i'm trying to yield to Him and seriously ask Him in prayer to show me a better and more harmonious way of living.
I want a hug.... So, I embrace you with much, much love. And my dog, Sweetie Pie, joins me in these sentiments.
Liiz.