Sinfully yours...
** Day light savings is tonight; that makes me angry. One less hour in my life to come on here and complain! =P **
Ok, I wanna talk about GUILT...(a weapon that has always been jewish peoples most favored tool to use) It's something I tend to feel on a consistant basis.
Do you ever feel stagnant in your faith, as if you are just going through the motions? Sin ever driven a wedge between you and God, making him seem distant? I sin against God, if not in my actions, then in my thoughts every single day. Daily I need to give my life back over to Him...but some days, I'm "too busy" or "too tired" or "too distracted" in myself or others, so I don't. Even if it's all about God- but It gets to not be for Him... well that doesn't sound right- but i know what i mean. And this is basically to myself. WHATTTTTTTEVER! I think that, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY THAT ALL O' THAT tis sinin' against God. It may not be a sin as evident as when someone steals, murders, or slanders, since it is against someone else - a victim- but this is only hurting myself, which is hurting God too! So why am i making myself the victim here?!?! My mom must be right- I must really enjoy pain.
Today is shabbat, the day where i'm supposed to be RESTING ( but my mind is forever a workaholic) and specifically setting aside this day/time to focus on Him and all the sweetnesses He has brought to life...but what i tend to continue focusing on right now is the weight i feel in my heart. For others and myself and God. But I feel weighed down especially about this particular concern which I have felt for a (seemingly) long time. (hmmm 4 years, is it?)
Guilt can be extremely burdensome, especially when all you wanna do is escape from yourself, hide it from God, or others. I'm tired of it. Drained since it's impossible to escape from God, even if you somehow find a way to escape yourself and others. And what sucks even more is that the longer you attempt to conceal the wrong-doing, and let it fester, the greater the devastation it brings to thentire being- body, soul and spirit. And what is hurting me the most is that while, gracefully, God forgives us, He doesn't always erase the natural consequences of our sins.
I'm trying to wrap my finite mind around this: This sin I'm thinking of cut myself and others I love very deeply, but ultimately it cut/offended God the deepest because my sins (in any form) was me rebelling against God's way of living... (even though I didn't know I was...or making others rebel 'swell)I just can't grab it all.
But it is comforting to me to know that I'm not alone in these mistakes/feelings. There's another guy I know of who did this too! Now, even though Jesus's fully man and fully human and knows all...David has always been my favorite cry-o-the-hearter in the bible. He voiced how he felt and I connected. (Psalm 51 is what I have had in mind) He had sinned with Bath-sheba and was confronted by Nathan the prophet. But even though he was truly sorry and forgiven from his sins and learned his lesson, David's life and family were never the same as a result of his sin.
This is just me still struggling with human myself in dealing with the consequences of my earthly sin. Things aren't the same and I doubt they ever will be... even though I want it to be so tremendously. I'm gonna be alizaish and say " I DO BUT I DON'T." What about "What do you want?" I'm stuck and I don't know how to get out, and I'm crying out to God to tell me what to do or not to do or just...HELP...because I don't know where to go. God wants a broken and contrite heart. Well, here 'tis. But I don't wanna let my emotions get the best of me. So --->
"Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." Psalm 51:8-11.
<--- In his prayer to God David cried, 'Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation.' Yeah, mmm God wants us to be close to him and to experience his full and complete life, and pour moi, it's reciprocal. But this sin that just seems to remain not-confessed-enough makes such intimacy with Him...timpossible. :-( So, in conclusion about whatever convictions or guilt your feeling- confess your sins to God. You may still have to face some earthly consequences, as David did, and me too, but God will give back the joy of your relationship with him. That's my hope. And biblical hope is definite. It's knowledge.I don't even know what I'm saying now-- my thoughts are all a mush and jumbled. So... why are u still reading thistop!
P.S. But be careful, don't always listen to the guilt- it's evil sometimes and wrong! =P
Ok, I wanna talk about GUILT...(a weapon that has always been jewish peoples most favored tool to use) It's something I tend to feel on a consistant basis.
Do you ever feel stagnant in your faith, as if you are just going through the motions? Sin ever driven a wedge between you and God, making him seem distant? I sin against God, if not in my actions, then in my thoughts every single day. Daily I need to give my life back over to Him...but some days, I'm "too busy" or "too tired" or "too distracted" in myself or others, so I don't. Even if it's all about God- but It gets to not be for Him... well that doesn't sound right- but i know what i mean. And this is basically to myself. WHATTTTTTTEVER! I think that, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY THAT ALL O' THAT tis sinin' against God. It may not be a sin as evident as when someone steals, murders, or slanders, since it is against someone else - a victim- but this is only hurting myself, which is hurting God too! So why am i making myself the victim here?!?! My mom must be right- I must really enjoy pain.
Today is shabbat, the day where i'm supposed to be RESTING ( but my mind is forever a workaholic) and specifically setting aside this day/time to focus on Him and all the sweetnesses He has brought to life...but what i tend to continue focusing on right now is the weight i feel in my heart. For others and myself and God. But I feel weighed down especially about this particular concern which I have felt for a (seemingly) long time. (hmmm 4 years, is it?)
Guilt can be extremely burdensome, especially when all you wanna do is escape from yourself, hide it from God, or others. I'm tired of it. Drained since it's impossible to escape from God, even if you somehow find a way to escape yourself and others. And what sucks even more is that the longer you attempt to conceal the wrong-doing, and let it fester, the greater the devastation it brings to thentire being- body, soul and spirit. And what is hurting me the most is that while, gracefully, God forgives us, He doesn't always erase the natural consequences of our sins.
I'm trying to wrap my finite mind around this: This sin I'm thinking of cut myself and others I love very deeply, but ultimately it cut/offended God the deepest because my sins (in any form) was me rebelling against God's way of living... (even though I didn't know I was...or making others rebel 'swell)I just can't grab it all.
But it is comforting to me to know that I'm not alone in these mistakes/feelings. There's another guy I know of who did this too! Now, even though Jesus's fully man and fully human and knows all...David has always been my favorite cry-o-the-hearter in the bible. He voiced how he felt and I connected. (Psalm 51 is what I have had in mind) He had sinned with Bath-sheba and was confronted by Nathan the prophet. But even though he was truly sorry and forgiven from his sins and learned his lesson, David's life and family were never the same as a result of his sin.
This is just me still struggling with human myself in dealing with the consequences of my earthly sin. Things aren't the same and I doubt they ever will be... even though I want it to be so tremendously. I'm gonna be alizaish and say " I DO BUT I DON'T." What about "What do you want?" I'm stuck and I don't know how to get out, and I'm crying out to God to tell me what to do or not to do or just...HELP...because I don't know where to go. God wants a broken and contrite heart. Well, here 'tis. But I don't wanna let my emotions get the best of me. So --->
"Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." Psalm 51:8-11.
<--- In his prayer to God David cried, 'Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation.' Yeah, mmm God wants us to be close to him and to experience his full and complete life, and pour moi, it's reciprocal. But this sin that just seems to remain not-confessed-enough makes such intimacy with Him...timpossible. :-( So, in conclusion about whatever convictions or guilt your feeling- confess your sins to God. You may still have to face some earthly consequences, as David did, and me too, but God will give back the joy of your relationship with him. That's my hope. And biblical hope is definite. It's knowledge.I don't even know what I'm saying now-- my thoughts are all a mush and jumbled. So... why are u still reading thistop!
P.S. But be careful, don't always listen to the guilt- it's evil sometimes and wrong! =P