A big update
I can't believe it's come to this.
I am currently living on Vesterbrogade in a 60 year old woman's apartment - and she's a chain smoker. And she's not friendly, she's extremely cold. She probably works with the Kommune or something.
How did I get here?
Four months ago, my Dad was having trouble with his finances (as everybody is currently) so I offered that we sell our condo here in Copenhagen which was worth a substantial amount of money, so it would alleviate his stress and what not. In addition, I knew I was ready to move on and live on my own - I am 21 years old now. I wanted to feel responsible and like I had control over my life. Most Danish people my age moved out and started renting out apartments at the age of 18. I felt even though my parents live in California, as if I was still living at home with them.
So the apartment was sold - I had planned on obtaining a Kollegie room (it's sort of like a student dormatory thing run by the government, you can get really nice rooms but you often share a communal kitchen) but for whatever reason, it has taken absolutely forever to get one of those rooms. It's been so many months now that I haven't had my own place in Copenhagen. I was going back and forth between Zach and Andres' Kollegie rooms and it was causing stress between us all. I don't really have any family here to live with, so it was awful.
This all occurred in the beginning of November. Then I decided to drop out of the education I was in, because I was not passionate about it all. I have found which education I want, but it doesn't commence until August, so in the meantime, I have to take a supplementary Math course because my level is not high enough for this particular school I want to go to.
Because I had nothin to do except for sit around Zach/Andres' room, I decided I would just go home back to San Diego, CA to be with my parents, get a job to save up money, and just kill time while I was over there. I was a bit apprehensive to it in the beginning, because it would be for 6 weeks. I was nervous I would feel bored and lonely.
Not at all...in fact, those 6 weeks were the best of my life. I think...I kinda fell in love. I partied. I partied in Hollywood, San Diego and Las Vegas. I made new friends...I reconnected with my old best friends, I reconnected with my family. I realized being 21 is entirely different when you live in the States. I realized...how much I missed California, how much more I was myself in a way while I was home.
I met Alan through Luis (my best friend over there) and I just fell so hard for him. Even though I knew I shouldn't have, seeing as I had broken up with Anders months before, I just couldn't resist his Latin passion. He is really my type...and we're very similar in many ways sexually. We both have a hard time with monogamy, we're both horny little fuckers...but we're so attracted to eachother. There's just so much to him...we shouldn't have gotten so attached to eachother like we did. It's as if I made myself believe I was never going to return to Denmark.
But then the dream all ended. Now I'm back here...I got back to Denmark a few nights ago. It's the first time in 5 years I'm not that happy to be in Denmark. I'm not sure if it's the freezing weather, if it's that I just miss Alan, or if it feels like I just have no direction in life, but I want to go back to California. I'm sort of toying with the idea, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself right now, too carried away. I just feel so alone and isolated from everything here.
I miss everyone, I miss my family...I feel so disconnected from my old life, my family, my friends, Alan...I'm living in this crusty old apartment with this woman I don't know, it smells like an ashtray in here. If I at least had my own place of some sort, at least a Kollegie room, then it would be ok, then I'd feel like I had some sort of control in my life. But I don't even have a registered address at this point, I'm sort of - drifting around.
Anyways, tonight Math class starts, and tomorrow English. I have to somehow get a really good grade in this Math class (even though it's all in Danish) in order to get into Copenhagen Business School. I haven't done any math since High School...if I couldn't even get through Math then, how will I do it now in a foreign language?
The boy...
I am currently living on Vesterbrogade in a 60 year old woman's apartment - and she's a chain smoker. And she's not friendly, she's extremely cold. She probably works with the Kommune or something.
How did I get here?
Four months ago, my Dad was having trouble with his finances (as everybody is currently) so I offered that we sell our condo here in Copenhagen which was worth a substantial amount of money, so it would alleviate his stress and what not. In addition, I knew I was ready to move on and live on my own - I am 21 years old now. I wanted to feel responsible and like I had control over my life. Most Danish people my age moved out and started renting out apartments at the age of 18. I felt even though my parents live in California, as if I was still living at home with them.
So the apartment was sold - I had planned on obtaining a Kollegie room (it's sort of like a student dormatory thing run by the government, you can get really nice rooms but you often share a communal kitchen) but for whatever reason, it has taken absolutely forever to get one of those rooms. It's been so many months now that I haven't had my own place in Copenhagen. I was going back and forth between Zach and Andres' Kollegie rooms and it was causing stress between us all. I don't really have any family here to live with, so it was awful.
This all occurred in the beginning of November. Then I decided to drop out of the education I was in, because I was not passionate about it all. I have found which education I want, but it doesn't commence until August, so in the meantime, I have to take a supplementary Math course because my level is not high enough for this particular school I want to go to.
Because I had nothin to do except for sit around Zach/Andres' room, I decided I would just go home back to San Diego, CA to be with my parents, get a job to save up money, and just kill time while I was over there. I was a bit apprehensive to it in the beginning, because it would be for 6 weeks. I was nervous I would feel bored and lonely.
Not at all...in fact, those 6 weeks were the best of my life. I think...I kinda fell in love. I partied. I partied in Hollywood, San Diego and Las Vegas. I made new friends...I reconnected with my old best friends, I reconnected with my family. I realized being 21 is entirely different when you live in the States. I realized...how much I missed California, how much more I was myself in a way while I was home.
I met Alan through Luis (my best friend over there) and I just fell so hard for him. Even though I knew I shouldn't have, seeing as I had broken up with Anders months before, I just couldn't resist his Latin passion. He is really my type...and we're very similar in many ways sexually. We both have a hard time with monogamy, we're both horny little fuckers...but we're so attracted to eachother. There's just so much to him...we shouldn't have gotten so attached to eachother like we did. It's as if I made myself believe I was never going to return to Denmark.
But then the dream all ended. Now I'm back here...I got back to Denmark a few nights ago. It's the first time in 5 years I'm not that happy to be in Denmark. I'm not sure if it's the freezing weather, if it's that I just miss Alan, or if it feels like I just have no direction in life, but I want to go back to California. I'm sort of toying with the idea, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself right now, too carried away. I just feel so alone and isolated from everything here.
I miss everyone, I miss my family...I feel so disconnected from my old life, my family, my friends, Alan...I'm living in this crusty old apartment with this woman I don't know, it smells like an ashtray in here. If I at least had my own place of some sort, at least a Kollegie room, then it would be ok, then I'd feel like I had some sort of control in my life. But I don't even have a registered address at this point, I'm sort of - drifting around.
Anyways, tonight Math class starts, and tomorrow English. I have to somehow get a really good grade in this Math class (even though it's all in Danish) in order to get into Copenhagen Business School. I haven't done any math since High School...if I couldn't even get through Math then, how will I do it now in a foreign language?
The boy...