Seventh Capsule
[Make way for sucky entry #7! ^_^]
[Public!]You know, it's about time I updated this journal. There's something really big to share with all of you, too - I finally have some of my memories back, and this time I'm convinced they're the real thing ( Read more... )
[Public!]You know, it's about time I updated this journal. There's something really big to share with all of you, too - I finally have some of my memories back, and this time I'm convinced they're the real thing ( Read more... )
[Yep, I'm tryin' something new there. Don't mind any contradictions with the Fiona filter; I typed out that entry in a rush and lookin' back I have mixed feelings about it. Gonna confer with the mun, so the canon may end up edited. My head's not working either, so this post may suck.]
[Speaking of mun conference, whose turn was it in Snow Play?]
That's understandable. Everybody was caught off guard by this whole incident. It doesn't sound like you two ended badly, though, so I'm grateful for that. You're both still okay with each other, right?
Ah. The irony, Yomiko, is that Fiona and I had a great time. You saw how upset I was in the beginning of all this; even Fiona didn't get out of hearing me complain. But once we got to talking...all the things I was worried about just vanished. I think I just decided to let go. When that happened, I stopped thinking about whether or it was real or fake, and instead focused on enjoying the time I had with her. I told myself that even if it turned out to be a hoax, I'd at least get a friend out of it.
...It was honestly the happiest I've ever felt on this island. I actually began to hope it was real.
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I uhm... I think... so. ...I haven't really addressed the issue since it ended. I don't know... what to say to her...
Mr. X... Miss Fiona is a very nice girl! I'm sure she understood how you felt. I'm glad that you both had a good time together... But... that probably makes you feel conflicted now too, doesn't it?
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[OOC: Aye, I'll give it a look tomorrowish. Meanwhile, X completely hears you there, Yomi-lass.]
...Actually, Yomiko, I think everything you said is why Fiona and I both kept our distance for a while. I won't mince words; when the event was over, I was a wreck. It was like my life's dream had been crushed. Speaking to Fiona didn't feel like a good idea when I wasn't even sure of what I'd say or how, and for all I knew she was going through the same thing. It seemed like the best thing we could do for each other was give ourselves time to sort things out. It's not every day something like that happens.
I don't know that I could say anything that would help out with Nenene, but...I think that at some point, someone has to make the first move. You shouldn't force yourself if you don't feel ready, but avoiding Nenene indefinitely doesn't sound like the best game plan either. You didn't have any control over what happened to you during Valentine's week; nobody did. Something that wasn't even our doing shouldn't ruin the relationships we have with each other.
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Y-you're right, of course. It's just... I've been trying to think of what to say to her for days now... and I just can't think of anything. It's just so hard to decide when I can't even figure out how I feel... Maybe I'm thinking on it too hard...
But thank you for your advice... I always appreciate it.
And you remembered something! A large something at that! How does that make you feel?
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[hoooo, my muse went away again. Apologies for any suck in this post. Meanwhile, he thinks for a moment about what Yomiko said...]
...Hmm. Yomiko, have you thought about telling her what you just told me? That might be it. It's possible the key to clearing this whole thing up is making sure she knows where you're coming from, instead of leaving her to fill in the blanks herself. If you tell her about your situation and she accepts you for it, it'd be a load off your mind, right? It's not something you should torture yourself over, anyway, and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to.
It's no problem. I just hope it helps you out somehow.
Well...in a word, overwhelmed. I think I got over most of the shock this morning, but it's still an awful lot to take in. There's as many new questions as there are answers. My designer's warning is an especially curious case. On the one hand, it gives me a measure of peace regarding what kind of man Dr. Light was; even though I had the power of choice, he still wanted to make sure I'd make the right ones. A man of sinister intent would've just programmed murder and turned me loose. Assuming my power's as great as Dr. Light says, there would've been no world like the one I woke up in. Even my own bios code agrees with that, because all my built-in directives have to do with protection.
...So, when you follow that reasoning, it asks an old question in a new way. What was I built for? He obviously didn't want me to harm humanity. Was I really supposed to protect it...?
But if that's right, what from? What was Dr. Light afraid of?
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