"Hey." Marie sat down opposite her. "You already ordered something? Or will we be done before we're halfway through the que?" She was balancing on the edge of the great emptiness and it somehow assured her.
[Ooc Jsyk all this is very close to home so I'm going to keep it short :)]
"Good, because I think this is a great excuse for a cinnamon explosion. Sugar.." Marie looked at her. I survived so much. Surely this too will pass. "Okay. How often, why, when and do you still feel the need to sleep with him? And.. why didn't I know? I thought you'd share your firs- no, less important."
Once! Only once. ::she forces herself to hold Marie's gaze though it feels blinding. all she needs to tell is the truth. marie will understand. the situation...:: It was a love spell, Marie or it never would have happened. And you did know. You saw us. You... you went to Charles and had him erase your memories. It's where the headaches have been coming from. Believe me! ::it takes effort for her not to get emotional:: I've wanted to talk to you about it so much, but I was afraid - your mind, what might happen. I couldn't hurt you anymore. And it was your choice to forget.
::she swallows hard:: It took me awhile. Whether or not it was magic it was still - the strongest I've ever felt for anyone. Love and infatuation and my first and... Look, I'm over it. Now. I still love him, always will. But not like that. I have Thor and Johnny has you and - those bedside vigils, I kind of put everything to rest. Told him as much too. Don't know if her remembers though.
"What? I did-" Marie did this to get rid of the big wall between them, not to discover another one behind it. "But I'm afraid of him .." She felt her eyes water and closed them for a second. "The head aches.. linked to- so he must have done a lousy job. I thought he was more powerful." Or maybe you just can't ignore some things. "I'll go talk to him another time." Look at her. "A love spell. I can only remember seeing you two and Johnny and Steve in front of my door trying to talk Sam into seeing me but I don't ..feel anything about it. Which is probably good." Relieved, was probably the word. "Okay." I let myself be brainwashed. The canyon beckoned. " Okay. Yes. Thanks, sugar. I mean it. I believe you. Don't want to be afraid of you anymore. I'm just going to ..I'm going to be fine about this."
You can't... you can't just erase memories. It's not like they're there and then they're gone. You can make a wall, just like he walled off my telepathy. But it can tear and break and... I don't know why he agreed to do it. Things haven't been the same between he and I since. I don't know that I can forgive him for it. But you were hurting and...
I'm glad you're okay. ::she reaches across the table and squeezes Marie's hand:: But if you're not its okay. If you need time or to talk. ...It's a lot. ::she was expecting more. an outpouring or explosion after all this time of secrets and angst and while Marie being fine would be beyond a gift it just feels unbelievable to her after everything:: I'm here for whatever. Even if you need to hate me a little. ...I did, after it happened.
"You hated me? Or yourself?" That's somehow hard to im- no, Jean might look like she has it easy, but there's always more. I remember.
"Raven barging in here and shaking things up made me realize who I keep close to my heart. I don't want this shit anymore. Maybe I will lash out one day, but I hope it will be because there will be nothing else happening in my life and I'd possibly be drunk. Neither of you cheated on me, it's probably just the .." She looked at their hands. "Betrayal and feeling of abandonment that hit home. And it's stupid of me to have gone and asked that, but that he did it as well.. It definitely is not going to help our teacher-student relationship."
Myself! God ::she shakes her head: Not you. Never you, Marie. For doing that to you. And Thor. And for... really longing to have it back for a long time. Just because it was magic didn't make it feel less real.
You know I would never willingly betray you. You're my go to girl. You're first. Screw sex and guys be damned! And if I let that get mixed up, I'm sorry. So so sorry...
"Shut it, miss Grey. Or I will drown you in a Cinnamon Pumpkin Latte with extra cream." She nodded. "It's over. Past. I'm going to tell Johnny that if he ever feels that for anyone, I'd like it if he tells me first. Sometimes talking is all you can do. I'm sure if you eh- well, we can talk about everything. And we all know you can't change the past." This was surprisingly easy. Like falling through a black hole. "Still don't know how she found out and I hope this is the only thing I tried to lock away because I'm really terrified of every head ache now but ..done. Take it off your shoulders, Atlas. Buy me two pieces of cheese cake and tell me how you felt about our Art model." Not every headache was about this. What's in store for me?
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"Good, because I think this is a great excuse for a cinnamon explosion. Sugar.." Marie looked at her. I survived so much. Surely this too will pass.
"Okay. How often, why, when and do you still feel the need to sleep with him? And.. why didn't I know? I thought you'd share your firs- no, less important."
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::she swallows hard:: It took me awhile. Whether or not it was magic it was still - the strongest I've ever felt for anyone. Love and infatuation and my first and... Look, I'm over it. Now. I still love him, always will. But not like that. I have Thor and Johnny has you and - those bedside vigils, I kind of put everything to rest. Told him as much too. Don't know if her remembers though.
I'm sorry Marie. So sorry.
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Marie did this to get rid of the big wall between them, not to discover another one behind it. "But I'm afraid of him .." She felt her eyes water and closed them for a second. "The head aches.. linked to- so he must have done a lousy job. I thought he was more powerful." Or maybe you just can't ignore some things.
"I'll go talk to him another time." Look at her. "A love spell. I can only remember seeing you two and Johnny and Steve in front of my door trying to talk Sam into seeing me but I don't ..feel anything about it. Which is probably good."
Relieved, was probably the word. "Okay." I let myself be brainwashed. The canyon beckoned. " Okay. Yes. Thanks, sugar. I mean it. I believe you. Don't want to be afraid of you anymore. I'm just going to ..I'm going to be fine about this."
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I'm glad you're okay. ::she reaches across the table and squeezes Marie's hand:: But if you're not its okay. If you need time or to talk. ...It's a lot. ::she was expecting more. an outpouring or explosion after all this time of secrets and angst and while Marie being fine would be beyond a gift it just feels unbelievable to her after everything:: I'm here for whatever. Even if you need to hate me a little. ...I did, after it happened.
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"Raven barging in here and shaking things up made me realize who I keep close to my heart. I don't want this shit anymore. Maybe I will lash out one day, but I hope it will be because there will be nothing else happening in my life and I'd possibly be drunk. Neither of you cheated on me, it's probably just the .." She looked at their hands. "Betrayal and feeling of abandonment that hit home.
And it's stupid of me to have gone and asked that, but that he did it as well.. It definitely is not going to help our teacher-student relationship."
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You know I would never willingly betray you. You're my go to girl. You're first. Screw sex and guys be damned! And if I let that get mixed up, I'm sorry. So so sorry...
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This was surprisingly easy. Like falling through a black hole. "Still don't know how she found out and I hope this is the only thing I tried to lock away because I'm really terrified of every head ache now but ..done. Take it off your shoulders, Atlas. Buy me two pieces of cheese cake and tell me how you felt about our Art model."
Not every headache was about this. What's in store for me?
Reply
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